Just a chime....or??

[arrr&bee]

Gang it's s-a-t-u-r-d-a-y so he comes the question of the day,we all know that familiar chime that plays on our grandfather clocks on the hour which i think originated with big ben in england,well i want to know is it just a clock chime or is it a song?maybe one of our friends from the uk can answer this one!

[tamla617]

good question r n b

they call that the westminster chime or the cambridge chime where it was 1st used at church of mary the great,cambridge,england.its proper name is the great bell of the clock,north tower,palace of westminster.but big ben is how everyone knows it,named after sir benjemin hall
big ben is a 13 ton bell thats sits in saint stephen's tower [[the clock tower, houses of parliament) so its incorrect to say theres big ben looking at the clock tower,but everyone does it!
the bell was cast in the whitechapel [[jack the ripper's stomping ground) foundary,in the east end of london.its still there,still making bells.i went past it last year,i couldnt believe it,thought it got bombed in ww2.
the same foundary cast the liberty bell too.in 1976 it cast a new liberty bell as part of the bicentennial celebrations.thee new one unlike the original AND big ben isnt cracked!

[theboyfromxtown]

Tamla617

You know more than me and this is my home town!

[tamla617]

i was bought up 10 miles from trafalger square.

[moe]

That is interesting Tamla [[for as many times as I've been over there I didn't know the specifics)............for a minute I thought that R&B was hearing chimes in his head [[which is entirely possible, especially when he's in his shed out back with his hooch).

[tamla617]

whats worrying me is he was cowering in the corner hiding from big [[bad) ben!

[arrr&bee]

Thanks tamla,sounds like it's just a chime,cool you're very astute a veriable conocation of information you should be insured by loyds of london!!

[tamla617]

you misspelt loyds of london.what the L have you done with it.hang on,here it is Lloyds

now have i spelt misspelt right?and who is she?

[arrr&bee]

Wate a menit whend ded thiss tern ento a spillin bea[and by the way i use to date miisspelt and she ain't too particular]!!

[moe]

You both have been out in R&B's shed.........

[tamla617]

it doesnt exist.the still blew up!


and why is it called spelling bea? r n bea?

[144man]

and why is it called spelling bea? r n bea?

R n bea? I think that rings a bell....or a chime....or something.

[tamla617]

no a "clapper" hits the inside of the bell.............................................. BONG!

[moe]

Clap on [[clap, clap) clap off [[clap, clap)....where's the lamp?
Or is the clapper in the toilet??

[144man]

Glad you got that out of your cistern.

[tamla617]

thomas CRAPPER invented the flushing toilet,hence going for a crap [[its all goin down hill this thread,i can feel it)

a clapper is a chinese toilet

[westgrandboulevard]

And what do y'call an Eskimo's home with no loo, then....????

[tamla617]

i'll have a go at.............................ig


hope this isnt a QI moment

[westgrandboulevard]

You're right...and no, it isn't.....!

[moe]

What are you talking about, tamla? When I was in China the only "clapper" I peed in was a hole in the ground..............with only a prayer that I wouldn't fall into the hole!

[uptight]

An Eskimo's home with no loo....????

A tee-pee. [[Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!)

[tamla617]

a joke with [[criminal) intent

[moe]

Law & Order.........

[arrr&bee]

I ask a normal question about a chime and this is the response i get,well i've got one thing to say to you find folks.....haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..you guys are still crazy haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaa,,i'm on the floor my sides are splitting oh stop it no more ha,haha,hahahaha...haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[moe]

Yesirree.............he's out in the shed again!

[tamla617]

with split sides it wont be standing much longer

cant wait for the punch line

[moe]

Nooooooooooo............it's the "punch " that's in the shed!!

[144man]

Just thought it was time for me to chime in again...

[tamla617]

you're eight hours late!

[144man]

Sorry...I lost the thread.

[moe]

Ding Dong!

[144man]

I hear no bells.

[moe]

You sure it wasn't Avon calling?

[robb_k]

3472

you misspelt loyds of london.what the L have you done with it.hang on,here it is Lloyds

now have i spelt misspelt right?and who is she?

No. You HAVE spelt "misspelt" correctly. But you used it in a grammatically incorrect way. "spelt" is the past participle of the verb "to spell". So, you should have written: "I HAVE MISSPELT", or "I HAD MISSPELT". But, had you only wished to use straight past tense, as you attempted, you should have used: I "misspelled".

US English is different. Their past participle is the same as straight past [["misspelled" or "spelled"). I learned it as "has/have misspelt"/"has/have spelt" in Canada, back in the 1940s. But most Canadians under 50 years old whose writing I see, use the US spelling for the past participle. So, I guess the US spelling has come into general usage in Canada.

You Brits [[and the Australians, New Zealanders and South Africans) are the only ones who use "whilst", anymore. You NEVER hear or read it in USA, and seldom hear it in Canada, anymore.

[144man]

So is Tamla "spoiled for choice" or is he "spoilt for choice"?

[robb_k]

3480

He is or was "SPOILED" for choice". But he could HAVE BEEN "SPOILT for choice", or might have HAD BEEN "SPOILT for choice".

English is much too complicated for its own good. but, at least it's a lot less so than German! At least we have something to be happy about, concerning our language [[other than the fact that the whole rest of The World has to learn it). But, it would be nice if we got rid of our ridiculous word spellings based on pronunciations from the Ninth Century!

[144man]

Yes, we should make it fonetik.

[tamla617]

144man
robbk
forsooth and gadzooks thou is spoilt for choice,steak medium rare/medium,chips [[fries)/saute or forget the whole ball o wax and have crisps [[chips)
we're still waiting for the saxons to turn up

[tamla617]

robbk
wilst i agree with you got some good olde english going strong too

bestest

gotten

its never heard here unless its a cousin or american sports tv cast

[robb_k]

3497

robbk
wilst i agree with you got some good olde english going strong too

bestest

gotten

its never heard here unless its a cousin or american sports tv cast

"bestest" is an American hillbilly and Southern US usage [[incorrect, at least in current "proper" American English, as far as I know. But, isn't "gotten" currently the proper past participle for the verb "to get" in The UK? It certainly is in North America. I must be misunderstanding you. To me, your statement reads that one doesn't hear the word "gotten" in The UK, unless by an American 9the cousin reference I don't understand).

We say "have gotten" or "had gotten", as in the following sentence: "It has gotten colder here, since the Earth has been moving away from The Sun."

[tamla617]

gotten isnt used except for "ill gotten gains" proceeds from crime etc. or said as a "joke" infering you have something from dodgy circumstances.

bestest is old english and correct but is never used.i've heard american sports commentators say that was the bestest time this year.it just sounds silly when best would do.and doesnt "sound" right

the cousin reference as in "our american cousins" we sometimes say that about americans.to confuse you more i have a bus load of 2nd generation american cousins.......thank goodness! my great uncle emigrated in 1909 ish.

[tamla617]

english is THE most complicated language and has the most words.its roots are in...latin,greek,norse,saxon/german,french and more recently [[200 years) indian,arabic from the empire days and wars abroad.words picked up from returning sailors,soldiers etc.tatoo came from from the pacific,pyjamas from asia,pukka from india.in the uk forces we spoke a wierd english the civvy's couldnt understand.now its in the national vocab.

[robb_k]

3501
So, as I understand you, people don't use imperfect and past perfect tenses in Britain anymore? Do they not use them in USA anymore? I woudn't know, because when I'm in USA [[Los Angeles, to be precise), I only meet Spanish speakers. I hardly know I'm in a supposedly English speaking nation. My Castilian is not all that helppful, as most of my neighbours are Oaxacan.

But, when I'm back in Winnipeg, among my own generation, and the one below, I hear "have gotten" and "had gotten" enough. But, perhaps our grandchildren's generation doesn't use it anymore? I do notice a dropping in old speech forms in Dutch speech as well, from my own generation to today's youth and common usage. They are all going to end up like Mexican Spanish, using only straight present and straight past tenses. I guess my speech and writing styles are like old fossils, now.

Funny thing, - I spentquite a bit of time in England during the 1970s and 1980s [[mostly in Greater London Area and Lancashire [[Manchester/Salford/Eccles/Oldham), and don't remember being shocked at the language degradation you describe). Maybe it has changed most in just the past 30 years?

[144man]

No, we still use the perfect and pluperfect in England, e.g. Past:I went; Perfect: I have gone; Pluperfect: I had gone. In the case of "to get" the salient point is that "got" is the UK past participle. "Gotten", the US past participle, is considered archaic in UK usage.

A worrying trend is that adverbial forms seem to be falling into disuse. People now do things "quick" instead of "quickly".

[robb_k]

3502
Thanks for the info, 144Man. I believe that "gotten" is still used in Canada, at least among my family members and friends. and their children. What about in Australia, New Zealand and English South Africa?

Have you Brits been changing other past participles behind our backs?

Well, I guess The Americans are getting even by even reversing the logic of the language [[i.e. changing "I couldn't care less" to "I COULD care less")-making no sense at all, and changing spellings like: "too" to "to", "their" to "thier". were to "where", and changing adverbs, such as "well" a condition, to "good" a noun or quality. I guess it doesn't matter that much, because the only people I meet when in USA speak Spanish, not English.

[tamla617]

robbk
hola!mi no habla espaniol
i was born in salford [[bruce springsteen eat your heart out!)and my parents had the sense to let me stay there long enough to breath unaided and get me outa there!btw the 1st test tube baby in the world was "conceived" and born in the same hospital in salford 1978!
the 1st railway,canal,municipal airport all in that area,cotton from the states and egypt and beyond straight into the heart of manchester[[and salford!) via the manchester ship canal all made it the uk's 2nd city.all that and manchester united too!

mum and dad were from the eccles area.and i do like the swinton/monton/worsley area.

and you're right it has really degraded but not in 20/30 but in 10 years imo.

[robb_k]

3508

robbk
i was born in salford [[bruce springsteen eat your heart out!)
btw the 1st test tube baby in the world was "conceived" and born in the same hospital in salford 1978!

mum and dad were from the eccles area.and i do like the swinton/monton/worsley area.

I may have been in Salford when the test tube baby was born.

When I used to stay in Eccles, it was in Monton.

Why should Bruce Springsteen want to have been born in Salford? Because mostly industrial workers live their? "Salt of The Earth"?

[tamla617]

he sang born in the USA,i started my post with i was born in salford
try singing it to bruce's tune,it dont work!

monton was where my mum was born and married.my dad came from swinton

the baby,louise brown i think was born in the summer of 78.i just checked and she is said to have been born in oldham,lancs.
which is wierd because when she was born hope hospital,salford was mentioned,and i would absolutly remember that'cos i was born there too!hope hosp may have been the location of Dr steptoe's hospital/research/fertilisation clinic.

[robb_k]

3511
I used to stay in Oldham, as well. However, that was in the 1980s. I DO remember all the hullabaloo about the first test tube baby, and that it was born in The UK. I hadn't remembered that that all occurred in Lancashire. One would have logically expected that it would have happened in GLA.

[tamla617]

my keyboard keeps doing tha

[arrr&bee]

Well i'm getting quite the tutulage on the verbage of what was once called[the king's english]as our good friend tamla so eleqently said the english language is believed to be in some cultures the most difficult of languages to learn but why don't i step aside and let this most interesting discussion continue......!

[tamla617]

verbage is just a throw away remark

[arrr&bee]

Oh??and where do you throw it?

[tamla617]

in the guest shed

[moe]

Verbage? You sure it isn't Vendage?

[arrr&bee]

Isn't vendage the veritible vendication of venacular verbage verified by the verification of vadiglination???

[moe]

No.................I thought it was wine.

[tamla617]

and very nice it is too,with a hints of crisp apples and a smokey aftertaste.it screams red check gingham kitchen curtains.a good accompaniment to wild boor curry and wilderbeest cutlets.but too powerful for chicken,white fish and balsa wood.
for those try a vintage carbon tetra chloride,excellent for a last supper

[arrr&bee]

I've had wild irish rose,but i don't think i've had any of that wild boor curry but i did try some of that carbon tetra stuff once kinda dry but i washed it down with some hooch...ahhhhhhh!!

[robb_k]

3623
Well i'm getting quite the tutulage on the verbage of what was once called[the king's english]as our good friend tamla so eleqently said the english language is believed to be in some cultures the most difficult of languages to learn but why don't i step aside and let this most interesting discussion continue......!

As far as I know, "verbage" is not an English word. However, "verbiage" is. I have a feeling the latter is what you intended. Tutulage [[tutelage) is also misspelled. But, somehow, I also get the feeling you deliberately misspelled those words as a light-hearted joking "protest" against boring grammar and spelling lectures.

[roger]

Well .. I've only just rediscovered this thread and there seem to be a couple of points to clear up ..

"Gotten" to me is VERY North American, I've never noticed it used in Britain, Ireland, Australia or New Zealand [[I don't know about South Africa). In all these places people habitually say "I have got" rather than "I have gotten", I believe it was old english useage which must have died out in Britain sometime between the initial waves of mass emigration to North America [[17th Century) and to Australia/New Zealand [[19th Centur

Secondly "whilst" as opposed to "while" .. my understanding is that in old English "while" actually meant "until". The old usage is still heard in Yorkshire, especially amongst the older people, and you are likely to hear people say things like "I'm going to the shopping centre this evening as the shops are open while nine" meaning "until nine".

I tend to deliberately use "whilst" instead of "while" as I lived in Sheffield, Yorkshire for a few years and it avoided confusion. Funnily enough traffic and pedestrian signs in Yorkshire don't take this into account and as elsewhere you are likely to see notices such as "Don't cross while the light is on red" and everyone now understands what they are supposed to mean. :)

Roger

[tamla617]

gotten along with the rest of the english language was taken to the new world probably by the quakers.we still use it but 99.9% its the "ill gotten gains" phrase.
up in yorkshire, derbyshire,notts and a few other areas up north do speak in an older way,thee,thou etc.i knew one bloke who says doest thee know,[[pronounced dust tha knorr).he comes from bolton way.i love the different accents and the way certain areas keep the old/local dialects.the wierdest i've heard is the carlisle dialect as in mondray, tuesdray and so on.

[tamla617]

i just found this really interesting thread but i've mislaid it.so here is one we did earlier

[144man]

This is an impostor thread - it must be a ringer.

[moe]

Ringer? Are we playing horseshoes 144man?

[144man]

Playing horseshoes?.....You'll be lucky.

[tamla617]

horses hoes?

[144man]

Neigh - The Sound of Filly

[tamla617]

sounds like a bit of a 'mare to me!its enough to give you night horses

[arrr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...you guys are still nuts,haaaaaaaaaa i hope those horses sing in harmony!!!

[144man]

I'd buy a ticket to see horses singing. What state is Harmony in anyway?

[robb_k]

4176
Isn't there a Harmony in Indiana, and one also in Nebraska?

[144man]

Well, I'd go and see those horses singing in Harmony, Nebraska; but Indiana wants me and I can't go back there.

[roger]

4176
Isn't there a Harmony in Indiana, and one also in Nebraska?

Not sure about that Robb_k, but there is one in Minnesota, in the extreme south east of the state in Fillmore County, two or three miles from the Iowa boundary.

I've just "visited" it on Google-Maps streetview and it doesn't look the most exciting of places .. a bit like a one-horse town after the horse left .. I don't know where everyone was when the street-view cameras went through .. at Church? .. at home checking out the latest SUPREMES threads on the SDF Motown Forum?

They do have their own website ..

http://www.harmony.mn.us/

And an entry on wikipedia ..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harmony,_Minnesota

It seems it is a bit of a centre for Amish people, and the population is 1080.

Roger

[moe]

Roger on that.......

[arrr&bee]

See moe there you go stirring up things [roger on that]geez moe,now what am i gonna say to[mark]and [average joe]i almost got em calmed down and you bring in roger...you fix this mess in ain't in it!!

[tamla617]

i've just had a message on screen......plug in or find another power source.so i got one of those electrickery room deoderisers and plugged it in like i was told.then my laptop went blank.is it a software,hardware or fragrance problem?roger and out.

[arrr&bee]

Hey tamla,that's kinda like the message i have on my screen now[pay your bill or else]now i owe alot of people but this[or else]guy ain't gettin a dime i never heard of him,some crook always tryin to cut in!!!

[tamla617]

arrr&bee
dont click on it

something doesnt smell right there get a proper plug in thingy

[144man]

good question r n b

they call that the westminster chime or the cambridge chime where it was 1st used at church of mary the great,cambridge,england.its proper name is the great bell of the clock,north tower,palace of westminster.but big ben is how everyone knows it,named after sir benjemin hall
big ben is a 13 ton bell thats sits in saint stephen's tower [[the clock tower, houses of parliament) so its incorrect to say theres big ben looking at the clock tower,but everyone does it!
the bell was cast in the whitechapel [[jack the ripper's stomping ground) foundary,in the east end of london.its still there,still making bells.i went past it last year,i couldnt believe it,thought it got bombed in ww2.
the same foundary cast the liberty bell too.in 1976 it cast a new liberty bell as part of the bicentennial celebrations.thee new one unlike the original AND big ben isnt cracked!

There are moves to rename the clock tower "The Elizabeth Tower" in honour of the Queen's diamond jubilee. Of course there will then be the danger of people referring to it as "Big Beth".

[arrr&bee]

Now i know that the queen has alot of jewells but that[diamond jubilee]must be big if it's in the tower!!

[tamla617]

the tower is going to sponsored by mcdonalds.
so you will be looking at big mac.you want supersize with that?

[tamla617]

bump! nearly fell off the bottom of the forum

[144man]

Maybe it's time to ring in the changes.

[tamla617]

is it a ring or a chime?

[moe]

One ringy-dingy..............two ringy-dingy...........

[tamla617]

three ring circus?
bring on the pantomime horse!

[robb_k]

4898
Then why didn't they re-name it "Big Vic" at Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee? [[whose celebratory parade, in 1896, was witnessed by mine own great uncle, when it passed through The East End of London in that year)[[so he claimed to me on many occaisions).

[tamla617]

rob
ther is no way would big vic be ok then and probably now.anyway big ben is the bell not tower.

her 60 years were up in 1897.23rd sept.1896 was the date she became the longest reigning english monarch,surpassing her grandfather george iii [[mad as a box of frogs!).she asked for that celebration to be put off 'till the next year to coincide with her 60th year as queen and empress of the british empire.so that parade was prob 1897.

[robb_k]

rob
There is no way would big vic be ok then and probably now.anyway Big Ben is the bell not tower.

Her 60 years were up in 1897.23rd sept.1896 was the date she became the longest reigning english monarch,surpassing her grandfather george iii [[mad as a box of frogs!).she asked for that celebration to be put off 'till the next year to coincide with her 60th year as queen and empress of the british empire.So that parade was prob 1897.
4916
Well, I was only 7 years old when my uncle told me that in 1953, during Queen Elizabeth's coronation, so, my uncle probably actually told me he saw her in 1897. [[an aside: I still resent our Canadian government stating that she is "Queen of Canada"). I was VERY happy when we changed the flag to The Maple Leaf, and when we changed the National Anthem to "O Canada". I never liked singing "God Save The King" [[or Queen, for that matter), nor liked seeing "The Union Jack" on our flag.

P.S. I know that "Big Ben" is the bell. I have dwelt in England for about 3-4 years [[when all my time there is added together. I was making a joke related to the "Big Beth" joke. I had heard that Queen Vicky ;) was sensitive about her weight. So, I realise that it would have been very disrespectful. Not saying that Cromwell did any better than the Sovereigns, but I'm an anarchistic, semi-socialistic republican [[or a semi-democratic/republican anarchist, if you will).

[tamla617]

so apart from what you dont like rob,bet you're glad we had a mad king george iii.who caused all the chaos that lead to the american war of independence.

[robb_k]

so apart from what you dont like rob,bet you're glad we had a mad king george iii.who caused all the chaos that lead to the american war of independence.
4921
Yes. It worked out well, with both a USA and Canada eventually coming out of it. I might have rather seen Canada become fully independent in the early 1800s rather than later.

You don't believe in capital letters, eh?

[tamla617]

yes robb but not when i type

i have 6 for you .......london!

[144man]

Jokes like that deserve capital punishment.

[tamla617]

a suspended sentence................by the neck!

[arrr&bee]

I think that the capital is being punished enough,in d.c.the statue if freedom is locked in her room and forced to listen to congressman give speeches,now that's punishment!!

[tamla617]

in DC? spose that would be capital punishment then

[moe]

In the Capitol...........

[destruction]

On the Capitol.......shall not perish from.......

[tamla617]

that little lot capsitall

[moe]

You're all being capitalistic..........

[tamla617]

post 102 btw!

[144man]

It's official - the Clock Tower of Big Ben has now been renamed the Elizabeth Tower.

[arrr&bee]

Wait a minute!!!!????big ben put elizabeth in the tower???

[tamla617]

Blimey this one nearly fell off the edge of page 20!

Happy Christmas you nutters!
Enjoy yourselves and I hope you have a great 2013!

[tamla617]

Dont let this post slide.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

[tamla617]

GO down!













FROSTBITE!

[westgrandboulevard]

:):):).........

[144man]

It's a cracker...or was it in one?

[westgrandboulevard]

Pull the other one....

[144man]

If you find me an other one, I'll gladly pull it.

[westgrandboulevard]

Snap!!!......

[144man]

Appropriate to this thread, one of the few Happy New Year records made was George Harrison's "Ding Dong".

[tamla617]

It was in a cracker!

Jacobs need to get their Quality control sorted out!

[westgrandboulevard]

You'd have to be nuts to work in a crackers quality control department......

[144man]

Isn't that where Billie Jean Brown trained? It explains why she turned down "Jimmy Mack".

[westgrandboulevard]

And he never did come back. Martha's still out there, looking....

[arrr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,wow the hooch is flowing all the way over here,haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Ahaaaaaaaa!

So, would that be a glass or a large bottle you're holding - and is it half full,or half empty...:)

[144man]

Glug glug glug glug glug.....just don't care anymore...hic....

[westgrandboulevard]

Have your sorrows now been max-satisfactorily drowned?

[144man]

My New Year's Resolution was to only have one drink a day; I am now up to the Third of June.

[westgrandboulevard]

Sounds expensive. Do you perhaps have a sinking fund at your disposal?

[144man]

No, just a sinking feeling in my stomach when the bills come in. And as the Marvelettes almost said, Don't mess with the bills.

[arrr&bee]

Well Jai,I hope that you're proud of yourself because you've made a shamble of a once good post with your spead of that toxic hooch of yours,it's bad enough that you cook up this poisonous contraption but it's toxic foul fumes are poisoning the minds of your fellow posters,have you no shame?.....GEE VOICE YOU FLATTER ME IS THIS THE NEW YOU,OF COUSE I'M PROUD OF THIS WONDERFUL ELIXIR BUT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT ONE THING...THERE ARE NO CONTRAPTIONS IN IT...There is no hope for you Jai.....HEY VOICE I HOPE YOU SHUTTUP!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Which voice represents your better side, and which your worst??

[arrr&bee]

which voice represents your better side, and which your worst??west,after knowing me all this time you have to ask???go take a sip of this wonderful elixur and when you come out of your stuper[opps-er-ahem-hehe]i mean-nap you'll know the answer!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

That's not a nap you're talking about, that's a coma....LOL

[arrr&bee]

That's not a nap you're talking about, that's a coma....LOLSHHHHHHH....keep it down i made a promise to the leauge of decency that i wouldn't use that word]...HAVE YOU EVER HAD 200 CHURCH LADIES PROTESTING IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE,YOU GET THE IDEA...SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Were those ladies from the Temperance Movement...?

[arrr&bee]

Yep,and the[pta]...[madd-mothers against drunk dudes]...and the justice leauge of sobriety...those old gals are tough!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Raised on gin....;)

[arrr&bee]

Well west it all started when afew ladies from the society rang my bell[their first mistake,hehe]and wanted to have a discussion about the evils of drink,so being the good citizen that i am i kindly offered the ladies some refreshment man you never saw 80yr old women dance like that..moonwalking-the camelwalk,which wasn't bad but when they started throwing thoses[bvd's]is when it hit the fan.

[westgrandboulevard]

What, like when a gospel choir meets Saturday Night fever?

[arrr&bee]

Um not quite,i still get bloomers in the mail,or imagine your doorbell rings at 3 in the morning and when you get to the door all sleepy all you see is a yugo speeding away and a box the smells of linament with a faded yellow ribbon tied to it sometimes with pictures[don't ask]!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Ah yes, I see. Best not to ask.....

[144man]

Who is there of us that that hasn't happened to?

[westgrandboulevard]

True. I'm fed up of ringing doorbells at 3am, and then speeding away....

[arrr&bee]

Well the president of the asylum...[opps-er-ahem-hehe]the institute for the prevention of insane objectivity got tired of me banging on the door at 3am so he left the keys under a rock[since i always trip over the same rock it's easy to find...isn't modern science wonderful??

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes it is, but I didn't think you needed keys. The words 'rock' and 'window' come to mind LOL

[arrr&bee]

Windows?????you do not want to be around windows when you've had a sip,a steel cell is good or a padded one with little pictures drawn in so you don't feel lonely.

[westgrandboulevard]

And a computer would help a lot, too.....

[144man]

A strange lady did start banging away at my door at three in the morning, and in the end I let her out.

[westgrandboulevard]

That, I expect, will have been your nurse, after administering your medication...:)

[144man]

westgrandboulevard,

I just thought you might want to read this thread again to help you in your stint in the cuckoo clock.

[Ref "TEST!!!..." thread, posts 654 - 657]

[westgrandboulevard]

How kind, 144man...and a very timely reminder that the clocks change here in the UK this weekend, so I'm preparing to 'Spring forward'.

And then there will be all those unsuspecting nests to quickly visit, in between darting back to the clock for 'Chime Time'....

[144man]

If the clocks are going forward, I demand some Spring weather. It's still freezing here and the Herds of Golden Daffodils are dying fast...

[westgrandboulevard]

Spring weather will be with us soon. April showers are just a few days away...:[[

[arrr&bee]

Hey watch them golden daffodils,they leave those little golden dropping all over the lawn!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Other people mow their lawns. I suspect you inhale yours.....lol

[144man]

British Summertime started today, but there's still no sign of Winter ending. That's just as well as I don't know how to put my sundial forward an hour.

[westgrandboulevard]

Stick with the sundial, and the tried and tested methods.

The electricity may cut out, and the computer then fails or runs out of charge, but the old methods still work.

Whenever all else fails me, I know I can always count on the abacus.

[144man]

Is the plural of abacus "abacuses" or "abaci"? If I wanted to buy two, I'd have to say "Can I have an abacus, then can I have another one."

Incidentally, my sundial is luminous so I can use it in the dark.

[westgrandboulevard]

Perfect for son et lumiere.

Solar energy is a wonderful concept.....

[144man]

I don't need a clock to tell me when it's time for some hooch.

[westgrandboulevard]

And after some hooch, who needs time....

[144man]

Gladys Knight, maybe?

[westgrandboulevard]

Now there's someone for whom many people still have a lot of time...:)

[144man]

...not forgetting the Greenwich Pips!

[westgrandboulevard]

I have them as a ring-tone. On a busy day, I can completely lose track of time.....

[144man]

Do you remember the good old days when you could work 40 years in one job? When you retired, they'd give you a leaving present for long-service. No longer would you have to set your alarm so you wouldn't be late in the morning. So what retirement gift did they give you?....A bloody clock, of course.

[westgrandboulevard]

And half the people who accepted the clock after 40 years of service, were dead within six months...

[144man]

At least they didn't have to live through Global Warming. If it gets any worse, we're all going to freeze to death.

[westgrandboulevard]

Quite! This must the centigrade version of Global Warming. I shovelled two feet of 'sunny spells' off the front path this morning:[[

[144man]

Spring's in the air, there's muesli everywhere, when you're old and having digestive difficulties.

[westgrandboulevard]

Older than Springtime are you,
layers when draughtier, for you...

[144man]

What do I care how much it might storm?
I've got my hooch to keep me warm.

[westgrandboulevard]

So it's going in the microwave now, is it...?

[144man]

No, I'm not going to mull over that...

[westgrandboulevard]

Or w[[h)ine about it, either ....

[144man]

A vintage pun...

[westgrandboulevard]

It was a very good year....

[arrr&bee]

I WOULD ADVISE AGAINST PUTTING HOOCH IN THE MICROWAVE,THAT'S NOT GOOD...[imagine the solar system with all the planets in the wrong place,and the sun blacked out for oh let's say 40,000 years] REMEMBER THE ICE AGE,WELL LEGEND HAS IT THAT WAS AN EARLY HOOCH EXPERIMENT!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Well no, we wouldn't want to encourage plague, pestilence and burning flames across the Earth....:[[

[144man]

Have you looked outside lately? Okay. Own up. Who's been and gone and done it?

[westgrandboulevard]

I've just looked out the window. Hmmmm. Perhaps I should gargle with some Listerine, then nip out for a new fire extinguisher.

[144man]

And now for something completely different....

Ding Dong, the witch is dead.
Which witch?
The wicked bitch.
Ding Dong, the Wicked Bitch is dead...

[westgrandboulevard]

Don't shout too loudly, and quickly lock your door.

Large Marge, her even nastier loud-mouthed sister, is on her way from 'The Norff & Sarff'

[144man]

One day in Hell, and she's already shut down 30 furnaces!

[westgrandboulevard]

The demeanour of the Wicked Witch when casting her spells became, for me, a pronounced irritation - in a manner of speaking....

[144man]

"Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" might be Number One this week. Will the BBC play it, or will they repeat 1977's "God Save the Queen" fiasco?

[westgrandboulevard]

Apparently, there are plans to play it, if the chart position warrants it.

Reportedly, it may be accompanied by an explanation of why it is on the chart, for those who have no idea of the significance.

Or so the story goes.....

[144man]

"What you gonna do with a chimney on you?"

[144man]

Rod Stewart has been asked to sing at the funeral, but "Wake up, Maggie, I think I've got something to say to you" may not be everybody's ideal choice...

[westgrandboulevard]

Mark and Carol might applaud....

[144man]

At least Carol's got a sense of humour, which is more than her mother had. On past record, Mark is likely to get lost on the way to the funeral.

[westgrandboulevard]

No doubt that was her final message to him :)

[144man]

Apparently, there are plans to play it, if the chart position warrants it.

Reportedly, it may be accompanied by an explanation of why it is on the chart, for those who have no idea of the significance.

Or so the story goes.....

I wonder what the BBC will do after the funeral if it's high in the charts for a second week.

[westgrandboulevard]

Demand a recount?

[144man]

Never underestimate the power of prayer.
First they elect an Argentinian Pope, then a couple of weeks later Margaret Thatcher dies.
That's got to be more than a coincidence.

May the Iron Lady rust in peace.

[westgrandboulevard]

It seems that, after all these years, some have not been able to move on, and still bitterly feel her policies threw them in the scrapyard, to rust.

They'll not be pleased if she now confirms it by joining them....:[[

[144man]

They should have buried her at sea. It would have been the only way to stop people dancing on her grave.

[westgrandboulevard]

Some of them are so self-righteous, they'd simply walk out to the spot with their wreaths...

[144man]

They'd eventually get a sinking feeling.

[westgrandboulevard]

Floating voters, the lot of them....

[144man]

As a mark of respect, the Big Ben chimes will be silenced during Margaret Thatcher's funeral.

[westgrandboulevard]

Fortunately, we can carry on this thread in silence, during the funeral in the capital...unless, of course, arrr&bee joins us, posting in capitals. Then I'll put in some ear plugs.

[144man]

Well, it all went off without any mishap. Even the demonstrations were low key.

[arrr&bee]

ok all repeat after me...shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

.............can you hear anything?

[144man]

The bells..the bells...

[westgrandboulevard]

For whom do they toll...?

[144man]

Nobody's tolled me yet.

[westgrandboulevard]

Perhaps you never quite rang their bell...?

[144man]

Don't take that tone with me :)

[westgrandboulevard]

Just a chime, thats all....LOL

[144man]

Awaiting arrival of Flavor Flav...

[westgrandboulevard]

Hope he brings in some of his Chicken & Ribs....

[144man]

GONG!!! Dinner is served!

[westgrandboulevard]

On plastic plates, and use-your-fingers......

[moe]

Uh oh!! Here comes the elephant!!!!!!!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Throw a portion as far away from you, as you can. See if that distracts it!

[moe]

I think it'll take more than that to distract it!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Wave your hands around a bit, moe. That might do the trick.

We're right behind you. If you need us, we're on the roof....

[144man]

There goes a mouse. That will scare it away.
I hope Moe's not afraid of mice.

[westgrandboulevard]

I've heard they're not so keen on her, either. I believe she may possess a gun of some sort. That might deal with the elephant problem, too...

[moe]

There's always room in my purse for a 44!!

[westgrandboulevard]

You're going to need something a whole lot bigger than a purse to hold what you keep, out in your neck of the woods!

[moe]

You've never seen my purse, westgrand!!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

That's true moe but, in the UK, a purse is small - next in size would be a handbag.

Me, I strongly suspect a body bag would be required to hold all your armoury :)

[moe]

The girls at work always comment how big my purses are so there's no problem holding anything!!:D

[westgrandboulevard]

You sound like just the sort of girl to have around in difficult situations :)

[144man]

How do staff at Big Ben make sure that it is showing the correct time?

They telephone the Speaking Clock. Employees at the Palace of Westminster rang the premium line more than 2000 times last year. Engineers from the Elizabeth Tower have rung up a bill of £680 calling the service.

[westgrandboulevard]

And they receive the answer.. .."we're sorry, your call is important to us but all our operators are busy on other calls. Please leave a message, and we'll give you a bell..."

[144man]

It's as easy as 123.

[westgrandboulevard]

Like completing the full set in an alphabet soup.

[moe]

Right.............a bunch of ding dongs!

[westgrandboulevard]

That rings my bell :)

[144man]

I only have a knocker on my front door. Am I eligible for the No Bell Prize?

[westgrandboulevard]

I only have a lack of 'knockers' on my chest. Am I eligible for the No Balls prize?

[144man]

I refuse to answer on the grounds it might incriminate me.

[westgrandboulevard]

So we'll all just have to use our imagination.........

[moe]

You two remember the scene from "Young Frankenstein?"

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes, I do. And then there's the Rocky Horror show....

I re-enact those scenes every morning, just looking in the mirror :rolleyes:

[144man]

I Was A Teenage Frankenstein.

[westgrandboulevard]

Errrr.....was?

[144man]

I'm a zombie now. Bits keep falling off.

[westgrandboulevard]

Maybe some scaffolding would help?

[144man]

Why? Is there going to be an erection?

[westgrandboulevard]

Not extending a couple of floors up, there won't....

[144man]

But that's another storey!

[westgrandboulevard]

Anything to give us a lift.....

[moe]

Up periscope!!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Now those, moe, I find very useful, while hurriedly making my way through a crowd.

[144man]

Who's chasing you this time?

[westgrandboulevard]

Well actually, we're all chasing a bargain. The doors have opened, and in we swarm. It can get a bit heated, and there's a lack of oxygen. I've had to vigorously beat people off with an umbrella.

[moe]

Attention KMart Shoppers..........................

[westgrandboulevard]

There's a regular crowd of us. We have our own agent. The management get us to foregather in the reception suite, plys us with hooch and then blows a whistle. Later, we all take pics of each other, and our trophies :)

[144man]

I go with my friend Moses who's rather good at parting the crowds.

[moe]

You have to introduce me to him, 144man. I need him for last call sales!!