Just a chime....or??

[westgrandboulevard]

If you know what makes people tick, you'll then feel in good company whenever you are in agreement with them.

Whenever you don't agree with them, at least you'll recognise where they are going, and what may be their plan. That way, they can't surprise you.

And if they can't surprise you, they won't be able to disappoint you......

[Jerry Oz]

One of the first lessons of management that I learned was not in any text book or class. It follows: Lower your expectations of everyone, even the best workers and [[normally) easiest personalities so that you expect them to let you down. It could be a personal attack or suddenly deciding that they aren't going to do their best work that day. It could be snickering and gossip that brings the workgroup to a stop. It can be anything that would make you ask yourself "what just happened?" and "who did it?" When you realize that we all are motivated by our own agendas [[which probably are not shared or easily understood), then you can have it out with that person and resolve the issue without taking it personally. Even if you get loud or have to reassess your view of the individual, you can still come back the next day, look him/her in the eye, learn from the previous day, and move on.

And that is the key to handling disappointment.

[westgrandboulevard]

Hmmm. Not so sure about that. It sounds like a contradiction :confused:

How can an emotion as strong as disappointment come into the equation, if expectations of everyone have been lowered from the start - ?

[144man]

My disappointment came from the fact that management let me down more often than my staff did.

[westgrandboulevard]

I work for myself, and am continually disappointed with the performance of colleagues and management :[[

[144man]

I also hated how small things like whether a window should be open or closed can escalate into major disruptions because staff members would act like children.

[westgrandboulevard]

That's because they think like children....and they want the money, but would really rather be anywhere else but there....:[[

[144man]

Well, I didn't exactly go to work for the love of it...

[Jerry Oz]

It's all amazing. Tell your hourly employees that we have an abundance of work and we'll need to work overtime to do all of it and the response is they spend an hour each huddled in some far corner of the building complaining about it. The end result is several more days of overtime based on the fact that we didn't do as much on the ten hour day as we would have done on an eight hour day. It's all management's fault because they didn't plan better.

They're partially right except for the "all" part of the statement. Of course, good management means that overtime is the first indicator that they are doing a poor job of managing. If only those lazy employees knew when to kick it into high gear, we wouldn't have to work them like the Hebrew children in Egypt. Right? :[[

[westgrandboulevard]

Your way of thinking is that of a self-motivated person. With that comes stress, but the buck starts and stops with you, for good as well as bad.

Their way of thinking is just filling in time until the end of the shift. They will fill in their whole working life from holiday to holiday, until retirement. As a result of their mind set, the health of many will have declined in their working life [[due to the contents of their food trolley, as viewed in any mid or lower level supermarket, any day of the week) - and, within a year or two of official retirement, many will die.

[Jerry Oz]

Or as I've heard it said: "Anybody who wants to see the dead come to life should be at my worksite at quitting time." I'm amazed at how some managers literally look at workers like sheep, with no consideration of how their decisions affect the rank and file significantly. Lay-offs. Benefits erosion. Overtime. It's not your family, so screw 'em, right?

Conversely, I'm amazed that workers don't realize that the survival of their worksite depends upon their efforts individually. What's the collective if not a set of individuals? When I read about business closing, I often wonder what some of the piddling concerns from the day before weren't really so big a deal. Manager yelled at you for coming back from break five minutes late? Big deal, right? Didn't want to transfer to shipping department for an hour? They have a lot of nerve. Being denied a half-day of vacation? They just don't like me. Well, now you're all out of a job, so it should have been taken more seriously before it was too late.

The levels of distrust for others in some workplaces is amazing. Similarly, the denial of culpability of self is incredible. We're all the victims. And we're all the bad guys. But it's cool because "they" made me do it.

[westgrandboulevard]

Ah yes, the all mighty 'they'. Unseen, but ever-present.

I heartily wish at times that I could lay any blame on 'they' and 'them' so easily as others do.....but I'm also just as glad I don't.:)

[Jerry Oz]

It's much easier to blame your current situation on others than on your own poor decisions...

Little boy, in the forest for a family hike, as he turns to his father in tears: "Daddy, why did the snake bite me?"
Father, answering his son without putting down his binoculars: "Because it's a snake, son."

[westgrandboulevard]

Ha! Yes, it's the right answer.

Just not quite the complete one.....

[Jerry Oz]

We learn so much from our fathers when we listen. We learn a whole lot more when we watch...

[westgrandboulevard]

And there's a whole lot more to be learned from parents....but only when they've gone....

[Jerry Oz]

I will amend what you said. I think that it's not when they're gone that I learned, but when they didn't know that I was paying attention to them.

[westgrandboulevard]

Sure, as I was always rather more of an observer, myself.....but I thought your parents were still alive?

[Jerry Oz]

Yeah, but I've pretty much learned what I'm going to from them. I love them very much but my impressionable period was over 20-25 years ago. Now, I put focus on not teaching them anything about myself that I don't want them to know...

[westgrandboulevard]

You could well be pleasantly surprised later. It seems that certain things can only be learned from people after they have gone. Then, there is time to do it, in our own way, and at our own speed. And, in my own experience anyway, it's all good.

Just as well really, as there's also the feeling of "OK, now where do I go from here....?" LOL

[Jerry Oz]

I really do not want to miss them. In my mind, I'm still their young child when I'm in their presence and it's such a welcome feeling.

[westgrandboulevard]

What's in your mind [[and in my own memories, too) is not the reality that everyone else sees......

[Jerry Oz]

Perception is reality. So I don't perceive it from others' eyes and that's okay. There is an actual truth to every situation and I assure you, it does not match what any of us sees. It's ugly. It's cold. And it's as unbiased as it is unwelcome.

That's how we justify some of the things that we do, with the knowledge that we want to believe the truth is on our side.

[westgrandboulevard]

Ah, then there may indeed be a difference between our overall perception, but there's nothing surprising in that, as everyone's circumstances are unique.

And, of course, any individual's perception can shift on even just one set of circumstances, over time.

I'm a little confused here on the 'ugly' and the 'cold' - does that relate to 'the actual truth', as you know it - or is it how you would generally view the perception of others to be....? :confused:

[Jerry Oz]

That's my perception of the actual truth. Neither I nor anyone will ever be privy to knowing it. I don't think our minds would comprehend it because we're naturally inclined toward bias. It's kind of related to my opinion of "right" and "wrong". Since the victors write history, who is to say that the losers of any war in history were wrong to fight it? Have you never watched a battlefield scene in a movie and wonder about the backstory of the extra who jumped up from a bunker and was killed by the "good guy"? We cheer because our hero killed the villain, but chances are that the decedent didn't wake up thinking that he would be a bad guy that day.

Because he wore a German uniform, it doesn't mean that he was bad or evil. Probably just a conscript who had no choice but to serve. He had a family who would receive a sad letter in the mail telling them that he served valiantly but will not be coming home. The same goes for the "Indians" in westerns, the "savages" in the Tarzan films, the thousands of storm troopers that Luke Skywalker blew to hell on the Death Star.

Would it shock you to know that the Islamic fundamentalists who are hellbent on the destruction of western culture believe themselves to be patriotic to their cause? They want their kids to have a better life, but in their understanding of what "better" is. I think they're nutbags, but they think the same about me. So, who is right? That's the cold and ugly truth as I believe it to be.

Truth?! We couldn't handle the truth.

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes, I accept your way of thinking there - even if it does seem just a tad overwrought :)

I would add that the truth in my own life is far from cold and ugly, although there is, of course, an ever-present threat to that happiness. If there were little happiness, I would know I needed to make some changes.

Being happy with myself and my own circumstances is all the truth I need. Then, I can consider how someone may differ from me.

If I were unhappy, I may become inclined to go around telling anyone who would listen where I thought they were going wrong in their life- despite being absolutely unqualified to do so... LOL

[Jerry Oz]

Deep thinking, here... The sad truth to everybody's life is the fact that we're all the bad guy to somebody, whether we want to be or not. If you complain to a lackadaisical cashier about receiving too little change, your one interaction with that person in your lives may make you villainous in her eyes. You're the customer complaining over a small amount of money and she wished you'd let it go.

The funny thing is, she doesn't know whether you're trying to keep her out of trouble for having an improperly balanced cash till. So, by helping her keep out of trouble, you catch her indignation. Of course, she shares this with other cashiers and every time you show up, they treat you coldly because you tried to make certain a cashier was aware of a mistake that she made. As I stated, we don't know the truth because we are naturally inclined toward a biased perspective.

[westgrandboulevard]

OK, you say we're all the bad guy to somebody. If what you say is actually correct, then it could be argued that's not a truth, it's a fact.

Some people may not see me as a bad guy to anybody at all, so what you say doesn't make it a truth.

Complaining to a lackadaisical cashier would be a fact. 'May make you villainous' would be a truth, but only to some. 'Helping her correct a mistake' would also be a truth, to some, - including the cashier.

I'd say we are talking about cognition here.....

[Jerry Oz]

Yah, I s'pose we are... It's all in the eye of the beholder. What I meant to suggest is that we make our own "truths" and that nothing that we recognize as such can be true. I was actually using the example as a hypothetical illustration of how even a well-intentioned person's intentions can be misunderstood. We'll never see all facts of a situation, so we'll never know that our perceptions are correct.

Umm... You don't make a habit of yelling at cashiers, do you? Don't want to step on any toes...

[westgrandboulevard]

No, but if I feel a complaint is justified, very often I'll register it....

[Jerry Oz]

"Hmmm...", thinks Ozzie the Cashier. "In truth, this fellow is a bully." Okay, just kidding...

I'm going to write a screenplay about Emperor Ming of Mongo. In my script, he will be a misunderstood leader who cannot understand why some of the tribes of Mongo are harboring a known terrorist like Flash Gordon. From his perspective, Flash was no hero; he was an obstacle to peace and unity. But the "Flash Gordon" comics were told from Flash's perspective, so it's Ming who is the troublemaker.

[westgrandboulevard]

[[Lost in thought...)

Perhaps I should say that I also praise people where possible.

I could tell you a lot of the supermarket staff's first names, without looking at their badges.

I got a Christmas card from Yvonne & Caroline on the deli counter....

[Jerry Oz]

When I suggested "you", I didn't mean you... I used you in my example because you strike me as one of the most considerate people that I've met, so if someone could misunderstand you, then that was my example of truth being subjective.

You probably wouldn't know a lot of American cashiers' names because eye contact, smiles, and being happy for your patronage are a thing of the distant past. You can get a "did you find everything?" from them, but "thank you, please come again" must be Greek to them. It's sad that I thank them for my change but they don't thank me for their job.

[westgrandboulevard]

Over here, we spend half of our time having people bump into us, and then we say "sorry!" to them....

[Jerry Oz]

Which one is sorry? Or does it depend upon who is bumped and who is bumping? I can actually imagine thanking the right person for bumping into me...

[westgrandboulevard]

Sometimes it can be fun - unless it's a "crash for cash" motorist.

[Jerry Oz]

They do that crap over here, too. All fun and games until the idiot manages to die in the accident.

[westgrandboulevard]

As long as it's not the innocent driver in front - unless your 'crash for cash' is conducted differently.....

[Jerry Oz]

It is. Here, someone switches into the lane beside them on a highway and jumps on his brakes, forcing the car behind him to crash into his. The car behind is cited for failure to maintain a safe and assured distance, so the ticket goes to that one. And once the ticket is issued, a lawyer is soon called to file a lawsuit for the pain and suffering of the nimwit who intentionally caused the accident. I don't know what's so hard about just getting a job like the rest of us to earn money...

[westgrandboulevard]

No difference. Just the same here, except I wasn't thinking straight. The innocent driver is indeed the one behind.

Over here, it often takes place on the slip roads on roundabouts. And roundabouts themselves are much more common over here than there, I believe......

[Jerry Oz]

They are. Some cities have a similar concept wherein the car makes a right turn to turn around or position itself to turn left. I like being able to get into the left lane and turn, but I suppose there is a reason for such a thing.

[westgrandboulevard]

We drive on the left, and the general rule [[with some exceptions) is to give way to traffic approaching from the right- for example, on a roundabout.

Some say that roundabouts are more effective than traffic lights. The lights do seem effective in keeping the traffic in small batches by changing in quick succession, which maintains a steady traffic flow, especially when joining major roads, or leaving shopping centres

[Jerry Oz]

So over there, left is right while right is wrong. Do you see any American-designed cars with the steering wheels on the left side?

[westgrandboulevard]

We can drive on the right on dual carriageways or motorways, of course.....

I drive a manual car [[VW Touran). I'm left-handed, so I'm using my 'strong' hand on the gearstick, to my left. Moving it with that hand is probably a slight advantage.

Over there, right-handers [[most people) also have that advantage, as the gear-stick is to your right, and used with your right hand.

I'm unsure if I have seen any US models with the steering wheel in the original setting. I feel I may have done, but it would be decades ago.

When I was younger, there was an obvious visual difference between our models and yours. During my lifetime, we have become increasingly influenced by Eurpoean models, either manufactured for the UK market, or driven by Europeans with lefthand driving, where applicable, and carrying relevant badges.

It's rare to see an American car out on UK roads [[apart from stretch limos used here in town at night, for partygoers), and maybe some 'classic cars' going back and forth to shows. I'm unsure if there is a legal requirement to change the steering wheel from left to right, or whether it is optional.

From Easter until the end of summer Bank Holiday in August, we have a 'classic cars on the prom' show each Sunday, where collectors bring along their cars and talk to people walking by, and other interested parties. It's very popular. Apart from when I was a boy,I've not been especially interested in cars, seeing them simply as a method of transport - but it's quite interesting studying all the different models - some of them old-style US gas guzzlers.

[Jerry Oz]

That's cool. I have a 23-year old Honda CRX that still gets nearly 40 MPG. It broke down a couple of weeks ago, so I'm driving my SUV right now. It gets about 14 MPG, so you can gauge.com happiness about that...

[westgrandboulevard]

Your Honda : nearly 40 mpg is very good but, if it's 23 years old, it doesn't seem to owe you anything. What is likely to finish it off first - the mileage on the clock, or deterioration in bodywork?

That SUV does sound like a gas guzzler! Is that used for more local trips?

[144man]

Driving in London can be a nightmare. Public transport is good, and I have a Free Travel Pass. I gave up driving some time ago, and I don't miss it one bit.

[Jerry Oz]

The Honda is still in good shape. I regularly receive unsolicited offers for it, sometimes while driving on the highway [[that happened twice in the last year, which is creepy). I will probably put it on eBay in the next year or so. And I had to stop driving the SUV when he's prices shot up in 2008. It rides really nice, but it's not worth the grass that it burns. I will probably go to auction to get another vehicle this year.

[westgrandboulevard]

Our Touran was advertised on eBay in 2008 by a local garage, and was then bought directly from them. It's 11 years old now, and has done just over 140,000...so should last a bit, yet.
But there will soon come a time when it is worth more to us than anything else - and it depends on how much work is needed as each year passes. A car is convenient, but never cheap...

For a long time, we had a Nissan Sunny. A light, economical drive-around. It was just under 20 years old when we had it scrapped, and had travelled 262,995 miles....

[Jerry Oz]

The Honda is sitting on 120,000 miles and the SUV has 68,000. It had 43,000 when we purchased it in 2006, so that tells you how much we've driven it in the last eight years.

[westgrandboulevard]

If it does much less mileage, it could become an extra bedroom.

[Jerry Oz]

It performed well when I needed to tug the little one home. Much better than hiring a tow truck to move it half a mile, but now I need to get it to a mechanic.

[westgrandboulevard]

Maybe there's a mobile mechanic who someone might recommend? We have one, who is very good, and certainly no more exepensive than garages. If he can't help on something major, he recommends where to go, and who may offer a courtesy car, which he can't. We also have annual subscription with AA recovery service [[which I should quickly add means Automobile Association....!)

[Jerry Oz]

We have AAA in the States. And unfortunately, I don't belong to them... Sadly, there are very few mechanics in Columbus who are known for more than their skills for ripping off customers for whom I can obtain positive reviews.

[westgrandboulevard]

There must be more than a very few competent ones, who charge reasonably....let's just say you're unaware of all the good ones as yet....although I'd agree that maybe only a very few are likely to be particularly good.

[Jerry Oz]

I typically go by word of mouth for doctors and mechanics. I'm sure there are many who are very good, but I've had my fair share of bad ones. Plus, I like to schedule my visit and know that I'll be there for 2-3 hours [[for example) as opposed to arriving at 8:00 AM and leaving at 3:30 PM because they were backed up or because somebody called off from work. Uggghh...

[westgrandboulevard]

If you can find one, it sounds as if a good mobile mechanic would be the ideal solution.

In the meantime, I assume you're not near a good garage. Waiting 2-3 hours is time you could spend better elsewhere.....unless, of course, you sit waiting, but use the time online at SDF...:)

[Jerry Oz]

I'll have more time in a couple of weeks to get it taken care of. Time to research Angie's List and the Better Business Bureau...

[westgrandboulevard]

Or maybe ask those of your family, friends and colleagues, whose values and opinions you respect, where and by whom their own vehicles are maintained....

[Jerry Oz]

Most take their vehicles to the dealers, which is the safest route. You can't typically ask for your favorite mechanic when you do that because you don't often know who worked on your car...

[westgrandboulevard]

No, you may not know the actual mechanic [[you would if you were to ask, of course, or it is often on the receipt), but I was meaning which garages or which self-employed/mobile mechanics other people had engaged, and how they had found the experience.

Over here, at least, privately owned older cars very often don't go to dealers for that model/maker, as they are out of warranty etc.

The dealers which specialise in particular makes of car are becoming fewer.

By the time the cars have changed hands once or twice, most people just take them to their nearest garage. I'd always prefer to go to one who is accredited and authorised for work on VW, for example, but they may not necessarily sell them.

[Jerry Oz]

And that's my problem: I prefer to take it to a privately owned garage but I'm not getting any good referrals. It used to be a ton of them but almost everybody that I know has more complaints than compliments. Conversations typically follow this general script:
Oz: Do you know a good mechanic? My CRX broke down.
Other Guy: Don't take it to [[fill in the blank).

It doesn't answer the question that was asked, does it?

[westgrandboulevard]

No it certainly doesn't!

Very often, ask someone for their opinion, and they will give a negative response. It's often not an accurate or fair assessment.

I wonder sometimes if people who don't think very much of themselves, are the same when they speak of others.

Maybe the maker's customer service department will have a list of approved garages in your area....? I've often found them quite helpful.

[Jerry Oz]

There is a guy nearby who only services Hondas. He's been in business for years. If he checks out through the BBB and on-line review sites, I'll go with him..

[westgrandboulevard]

Sounds good. Being in business for quite a time says a lot. I always think it strange when I see a business vaunting itself, for example, as "established in 2004". To me, it doesn't seem a long time at all, and a pretentious claim, when I'd be expecting to see decades in business. Then I start to think "in business for 10 years is good going in these times......" . Most new businesses fail before five years has passed....

Personal recommendation is the most valuable and remunerative for businesses, but the response can be much slower in arriving than custom attracted by advertising.

[Jerry Oz]

Customer service cannot be overstated as the number one priority for any business. There's a reason that you thank them for their business. Without it there is no business. I'm shocked at how little people seem to be interested in bringing customers back for more.

[westgrandboulevard]

Those who are self-employed, like myself, see their business as an extension of themselves. They take a keen interest in it, and not just for the revenue. [[that's why I was suggesting you might consider a self-employed, sole proprietor, mobile mechanic) The longer the business runs, the more there is to protect, and the more there is to lose. Personal recommendation is key to the whole enterprise.

Those who are employed generally have a different mentality. They give their time for the money, and are keen to go home - or on paid holiday or retire on a company pension [[self-employed people generally have neither).

The bright ones are working their way up through the company, and/or with an eye on their C.V., and maybe an eye on working for themselves as soon as possible.

Very often, people employed by partnerships offer the best customer service to the customer in front of them, even if it's the annual bonus which provides the greatest incentive. The training will often be superior to businesses which have a different structure. The morale will be higher, and the partners will stay with the business for much longer.

Just my few pounds worth there, on the subject....:)



I

[Jerry Oz]

Good input. I often tell people with poor morale that they're cheating three people when they come to a job that doesn't deserve their talents. They're cheating themselves, because obviously if they're worth more then someone else is willing to pay it so they should seek out that job and take it ASAP. They're cheating their spouse/partner/family because they certainly don't want to see them come home beaten and frustrated over the indignity of the workplace. And they're cheating their replacement, who is right outside the door and who will be absolutely thrilled at the chance to do their job at the currently-offered rate of pay and conditions of employment.

They typically don't respond when I tell them that but from the dirty looks they give me, I can tell that they don't appreciate the sentiment. But life is too short. Follow that dream before it fades away or realize that there is a reason to be appreciative of your current job. It ain't that hard if you try.

[westgrandboulevard]

You're getting the dirty looks because they realise you understand them better than they understand themselves...but they don't read it as helpful and on their side, they see it negatively, and up go the defences. Even if they agree with you, they won't tell you. You just can't help some people, so best help yourself......

Your penultimate sentence is good with me. Some days, the dream needs more attention, while other days require keeping the present time firmly in mind. It's all about keeping things moving, and keeping them balanced.

[Jerry Oz]

People need perspective sometimes. When they complain that they have to do some horrible task [[like empty a trash can or load pallets on a trailer with a forklift), I think back to when they first came to the warehouse and how excited they were to do everything. Fast forward a couple of years and they almost want you to beg them to do even the jobs that take little or no physical exertion to accomplish. They wonder why you didn't have somebody else do it, even though you gave them the task because they were talking to that guy and keeping him from doing his assigned task. Makes me want to shake my head sometimes... Or put my hands around their necks and shake theirs...

[westgrandboulevard]

If they leave for jobs elsewhere which they consider better, is it easy to replace them?

[Jerry Oz]

Yes and no. We can have someone brought over through the contract labor agencies within a day or so. However, the general quality of the people who are looking for work these days leaves much to be desired. It's not atypical for someone to come in and have no idea why we have attendance or tardiness rules. They sometimes complain about their first assignment [["I want to drive a forklift."). They break out cell phones during working hours and talk as they attempt to convince us that they can work and talk at the same time. Many bomb out within a week.

We had 87 union employees five years ago and through attrition, we're down to 31 right now. We can have up to 50% as many temps as permanent employees, so back in the day, we had well over 100 total. Realizing [[finally) that we were undermanned, the powers that be decided to permit us to hire six of our 15 contract employees. Of the 15, only three were considered to be worth converting and one of them turned down the offer.

So we can hire a replacement, but even to replace the lower-than-desired production of the person with the salty disposition is a struggle.

[westgrandboulevard]

So is that a viable operation for the company? To improve efficiency and reliability, could people currently employed there be replaced by automation, technology etc...?

It sounds as if the company will, in most cases, only ever attract the less ambitious, less intelligent people to the jobs. People who will work for low pay, be honest and reliable are at a premium, and are mostly working elsewhere.

In the meantime, you are marooned at a desk which represents an oasis of intelligence in a work environment where the prospects look negative.

As you have a great gift for penmanship, the first thing I would suggest you do is immediately prepare a scenario for a novel, set in exactly the work place you are experiencing right now.

Everything that happens each day is then grist for the mill of your novel and, meanwhile, you're being paid for your own research. Most writers receive little or no income. When [[not if) you move on to self-employment [[as you have previously mentioned) or another, better-paid and [[much more importantly) enjoyable and rewarding job, the work on your novel will have prepared you to be as sharp as it will need you to be. Publish the novel yourself, if needs be. Don't waste it. It's your life story, and there's only one of you.

[Jerry Oz]

I would like to write a novel and I've often considered basing it on warehousing and some of the interactions that I've been privy to having. I'm going to have a lot of time to work on it soon because Friday's my last day. And there are limited applications in the facility for automation but tons of opportunity to make efficient changes. One of the most frustrating things about the place is the fact that we still operate like warehouses did 30 years ago.

my first managerial job in 1990 had better ways to measure and manage productivity. For the past 15+ years, I have waged a losing war to bring us into the 1990s [[the 21st century was to much to ask for). It's a shame because there was the potential to do so much more, but to spend $100,000 today in order to save five times that amount over the next two years was almost a laughable concept by those who controlled the purse.

Our processes, our equipment, our hours of operation are all backwards but acceptable to those who should demand more. I finally have up, knowing that I've better opportunities in self-employment. And I feel better for the decision even though I have yet to find my landing short.

[westgrandboulevard]

Sounds much more like a beginning, than an ending....:)

[Jerry Oz]

Trust me when I say that you're right. I used to get wanderlust after a few years on any job and move on to the next. 15 years is easily the longest that I've spent in one place.

[westgrandboulevard]

Well it has proved you can do it, even if it was at least 14 years too long.....

Good luck with the last week of life at your current work, and the first week in preparation for life at your new work.

[Jerry Oz]

In truth, it was probably about five years too long. I'm leaving many good memories and acquaintances behind and I'd be lying to suggest that it wasn't once a great place to be. I'm hoping there won't be too many tears come Friday afternoon... But I expect a few.

[westgrandboulevard]

Do you meet any of your colleagues socially, out of the workplace?

[Jerry Oz]

No, it's best that I avoid building relationships beyond work. That keeps me from being accused of any conflicts of interest when dealing with situations requiring disciplinary action. Other managers have less of an issue with that, deciding to go to the bars with their direct reports and hang out at barbecues with them. God bless them with that, but I prefer the illusion of objectivity to that of favoritism.

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes, it's best to maintain a distance. I never went to work with the priority intention of making friends, and it wasn't so much different even when at college.

It would be nice to think you might be in touch with one or two people there after you've moved on but, by what you say, it sounds unlikely.

[Jerry Oz]

I have two solid offers to meet with soon-to-be-former employees. One of them is a Somali gentleman and the other is from Cambodia. The former wants me to have dinner with him and his family and I am compelled to do it because he is a wonderful person and I'd hate to put him off. The other wants me to be his guest at the Chinese restaurant where he works on the side. The only reason that I'm hesitant is because I have nothing in common with either and I suspect that there will be awkward silences. I'm also concerned about what will be on the menu, but I suppose I can work past that...

[arr&bee]

Psss hey jerry if you take a swig before you go it won't matter what's on the menu.

[westgrandboulevard]

What does 'works on the side' mean, precisely?

Yes, I'd also be concerned about what would be on the menu.

Every time I contemplate a Chinese meal, I wonder why it's been so long since the last one. When I start it, I remember why.

[Jerry Oz]

He works there off the books, meaning he doesn't have taxes withdrawn and isn't recognized as an actual employee. And I like a lot of Chinese food, albeit the kind that's been Americanized [[for example: battered and fried chicken when I ate it, not sauteed). I've never had Somali food, which I've heard is traditionally eaten from the same dish with one's fingers. That may be a myth, but that concept alone will have me lying awake the night before.

Maybe hooch will be necessary... I wonder where I can find some?

[westgrandboulevard]

Unless the Cambodian gentleman is doing voluntary, unpaid work at the restaurant, then your line one sounds like what is known here as 'the black economy',where people are paid cash, no questions asked. It's illegal, and we're having problems with workers who have entered the country illegally - often brought in by their employers and/or 'friends'.

In fact, the Indian restaurant right next to our showroom was visited by a police car and two special vans only a month or two ago....

You wonder where you can find some hooch? How would anyone around here know? Even arr&bee is unsure if it actually exists.....:)

[Jerry Oz]

VOICE knows where to find it or otherwise how to make more. But his presence on these boards has been scarce lately.

[westgrandboulevard]

VOICE knows where it is, but doesn't approve of arr&bee's interest in hooch, so very unlikely to know how to make more.

VOICE has stayed away for a while, as arr&bee started his own whispering campaign against him.

[Jerry Oz]

That means that trouble is brewing along with the sauce...

[westgrandboulevard]

It's surprising how chatty those unheard voices can be.

[Jerry Oz]

Especially when they're unheard in ALL CAPITAL letters...

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes, indeed......

Positively SHOUTING.

[Jerry Oz]

Am I weird to somehow feel that when I read posts written in capital letters, it reads - well - louder than the rest of the posts? It is just me, isn't it?

Never mind...

[westgrandboulevard]

No, it isn't just you.

I said, "NO, IT ISN'T JUST YOU....."

[Jerry Oz]

Thanks for typing it louder. I am not wearing my seeing aid today and I do hate asking folks "What did you write?" Sooooo embarrassing...

[westgrandboulevard]

"Well, if it was just one to one, it wouldn't be so bad - but all those messages on the other threads in the background are really distracting.

Fortunately, I've recently learned to hear-read, and can understand everything that is being said just by listening to the keys...."

[Jerry Oz]

Did you say that I must try whispering to the bees? What on Earth for?

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[westgrandboulevard]

I've just spent all night counting sheep, and now I'm hearing them.

[Jerry Oz]

I saw a sheep walking down the street with headphones on. I believe they were "Bleats" by Dr. Dre...

[westgrandboulevard]

They must flock to hear that track....

[Jerry Oz]

They're big on Motown in their Bleats headphones because they think the line is "summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the fleece." So, it's kind of their song...

[westgrandboulevard]

Soon it will be midsummer,"...and the time is right for dancing with the sheep"

[Jerry Oz]

Check any sheep's iPod and you'll find an mp3 of Michael Jackson's "Baaaaa-aaaaaa-d".

[[Well, that one's funnier to say than it is to read...)

[westgrandboulevard]

I have a fertile imagination, so "baaaa haaaaaaaa' :)

So, does your last day at the old work place beckon?

[Jerry Oz]

Yes. And they're not going to make it easy on me. I'm going to personally say goodbye to everyone but there are a few that will make for bittersweet goodbyes. After that, I was hoping to slip out of a door a couple of hours before the end of the shift, but now they've scheduled a ton of work; enough that might take overtime to accomplish. My last memory to those that I care for will not be ducking carelessly out the door with a smile, leaving them in a bit of a mess.

To make it worse, my boss gave me an assignment that he knows I'm most likely to do the best. So, instead of emptying my desk, deleting my computer files, cutting up my corporate credit card, and shaking hands for the last day, I have to actually work. On one hand, I'm kind of miffed. But on the other hand, I want people to know that I actually did my best until it was time to clock out.

It's Mom and Dad's fault.

[arr&bee]

NOW IF I TYPED IN SMALL YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS[i'm not sure I know]SO I GOTTA STAY IN CHARACTER.

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes Jerry, doing your best right to the end, and enabling you always to look back with satisfaction on that, is best in the long run.

When it's past the point of walking out the door, it's too late and probably doesn't matter too much except, that in your own head, it always will. So that's the right thing to do.

Arr&bee....of course you have to stay in character, as we know your 'type' [[!:rolleyes:). Anyway, we're all getting older, so maybe large print will become essential for all of us.

[144man]

It's always best to leave with people thinking well of you, especially if you want a good reference. Also in one job in which I took redundancy, I was later rehired by a different part of the organisation to complete a special project which lasted almost a year.

[westgrandboulevard]

You never know your luck until a dead horse kicks you.

[Jerry Oz]

I never understand burnt bridges on the way out of a job. I had a guy who quit a couple of months ago. He put in his notice but called on the first day to leave a message saying "I'm calling off because I'm sick. I'm also calling to let you know that I'm starting my new job tomorrow." Very rude.

Well, we earn our yearly alotment of vacation per quarter, meaning that for his 160 hours, he had earned 40 by the time that he quit at the end of March. Because he called off so freely in the first three months, he had used 151 of his hours already, so the company sent him a dunning notice to remit payment for the 111 hours that he took that were not earned [[over $1,000). He called the human resources number and left a message that cursed them all out and promised that he'd never pay.

To make things worse, I told him his situation in that regard the previous week, so he knew that they were going to collect. And from what I've heard, they are very good at collecting money from former employees.

[westgrandboulevard]

Another one who is absolutely sure he knows what he is doing...and that he is so much more accomplished at it than everyone else.

He will soon discover the truth - when he takes the trouble to study what everyone else is doing in another world from his....

[144man]

NOW IF I TYPED IN SMALL YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS[i'm not sure I know]SO I GOTTA STAY IN CHARACTER.

In Terry Pratchett's Discworld books, the character Death always talks in capital letters.

[westgrandboulevard]

Suddenly, this thread has found its own level.......

[Jerry Oz]

It would kill me if I found out that Death spoke in all caps.

[westgrandboulevard]

I'll go with Life sometimes speaking to me in capitals, while Death has nothing to say at all, simply peace.

[144man]

Suddenly, this thread has found its own level.......

Because "Death is the great leveller."???

[westgrandboulevard]

When it happens. someone will need to get what was once me, downstairs....

[144man]

I'll be happy with a black bag and a wheelie bin.

[westgrandboulevard]

A large wheelie bin, for recycling?

[Jerry Oz]

Is it me or has the place taken a turn for the morbid lately... :p

[westgrandboulevard]

No, it's not just you. For my answer, I'll just quietly refer you to post #2863, and my own response which immediately followed....

The Devil made him do it....:)

[Jerry Oz]

Now I'm going to read arr&bee's dichotomous posts with a new appreciation for who is writing in all caps. I'm thinking it would be wise to agree with him when possible...

[westgrandboulevard]

Some of the angels have mischief within them ;)

[Jerry Oz]

And some of them have fallen. To much hooch makes you lose your balance, you know...

[westgrandboulevard]

Fallen angels who have erred are always in our midst. You would know them as counsellors.:)

[Jerry Oz]

Question: What would you call a swimming pool with 40 dead lawyers at the bottom of it?

Answer: A great way to start.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,you guys kill me...opps bad choice of words..hehehe.

[westgrandboulevard]

Well, it has to come sometime. Best do it in style. I think I'll have plumed horses....

[Jerry Oz]

I'd prefer to be more like Eleanor Rigby. If you have something better to do that day, do it. I'll be okay...

[westgrandboulevard]

I'm kinda hoping the reviews will be good.

[Jerry Oz]

If you did your best, does it matter? And if your answer is "yes", then perhaps your best wasn't really the best that you could do.

[westgrandboulevard]

I was being facetious with my response...but it is also absolutely true that there will be no difference in viewpoint of me shortly after I pass, from when I was alive.

That is : while I might like to think I did my best, some others may possibly differ, and which they have every right to do.

So yes, while I'm still alive, I do hope my final reviews will be good.

[Jerry Oz]

If you go before me, I'll bump up the curve for you. We all have people who don't like us for whatever reason. But that's more on them than us. If your posts are at all reflective of who you truly are, the world will be sadder and lonelier once you are gone.

Whoops, we've gone dark again. In a sort of positive way...

[westgrandboulevard]

No problem, Jerry, I don't feel 'dark' at all, and I thank you for the compliment, which is returned in equal measure.

If I suddenly predecease my partner, and he is aware that I'm still communicating here, he knows what to do, if he is able, to quietly advise that the last post has been made.

In reality, some people can find me rather exacting to be around, but not, I trust, in a competitive or superior way. Mind you, if they try to provoke a reaction, I can and do 'up my game' just a little LOL

I follow the example of my Mum and Dad, who were all about the truth. I just try quietly to get things right, and go for the best, without asking for too much help. That makes me just a tad 'worthy' in some people's eyes. Even though I'm just ordinary, I think they'd really like a few more obvious flaws on show LOLOL

And no, I'm not joking. It's been said to my face, many times.

I'm on good terms with almost everyone, and who do seem to like me quite enough for me to feel secure...but I strongly feel [[and with a lot of humour in that feeling) that some secretly wish they could even love me a little more...if only I didn't seem QUITE so darned proper, so that they could relate a bit more to me - which is understood, even if there is little or nothing I can do about it.

So, anyone who is a friend of mine knows the deal. They just have to get on with their own life, we'll keep in touch with each other, and I'll understand them to the best of my ability, ...but they don't have to understand me, and I'm not expecting it. It's quite simple, really :)

[Jerry Oz]

Who really knows anybody? We all have secrets and there are facets to everybody that nobody knows exist. Things that we privately adore or detest. Things that we are ashamed to have done. People whom we admire for qualities that we wish that we possessed that others would be shocked to hear. The only shame to death is the fact that every life is so unique and bears a story worth sharing, but must ultimately be known only to one.

[westgrandboulevard]

The greatest mystery to life is that we don't even know ourselves, what will happen in the future or how we shall deal with it.

What may be thought by someone to be a personal secret one day, may not be so the next day.

Yes, death does bring each particular journey to an end, and many of the circumstances of each life are common to many others. Some individuals are more notable for their achievements on a broader scale, but they would be in the minority.

In the meantime, what we get is a living, What we give, is life.

Here in the UK, it's 7.50am, and another day beckons :)

[Jerry Oz]

I would say "good morning" but it's now afternoon for you. I pray that you will add a wonderful brick [[memory) to the wall of your life by end of day.

[westgrandboulevard]

It's going OK so far.

I get frustrated with all the 'maintenance' tasks to deal with [[so leaving no creative time, let alone any for daydreaming) plus the unexpected, spontaneous conversations with people who present themselves in front of me, which need attention right there, right then, because of their nature [[ to cry "we must do coffee sometime!!" in the flight forward through the day just doesn't seem adequate..)

Our mobile mechanic colleague visited our business premises, and took the car away for its MOT [[Ministry of Transport) annual test. It passed without further work required, and then was given a full annual service. That cost in excess of £230, so I need to keep working....

[Jerry Oz]

Ahhh... Be thankful for having the means to take care of necessary things. Although I hate paying for car service, which takes a lot of money just to return you to your expected state of being. Usually I'd prefer to come out ahead if I'm dropping so much loot.

[westgrandboulevard]

The time will likely come when I simply cannot drive a car, no matter how much I would like to do so.

In the meantime, I'll keep paying, and driving.

As a rehearsal, I also have a concessionary bus pass in my wallet....

[Jerry Oz]

So, putting it into perspective, do you look at your life now with appreciation for what you have, knowing that in some regards such mundane things will be denied you in the [[hopefully distant) future? Many people don't know that they should only look ahead if they remember to look at today. It's the best way to avoid regretting what you didn't permit yourself to do.

[arr&bee]

They say that death rides a pale horse...but the last time i saw him he was in a electra 225[big in the seam with a ganster lean,tv antenna in the back]red of course.

[westgrandboulevard]

Jerry, part of me recognises that many routine activities are mundane, and that too much emphasis should not be placed on them. They keep coming around, which can be viewed as boring and tedious, but also reassuring.

Now that my parents have both gone, and the long-haul of administration of their estates has been completed, I enjoy my days with more clarity, as the experience means I can more closely identify with becoming of more senior years. I describe myself as 'early elderly', and that's how I'd like it to stay for the duration!

There is also the temptation to take it a little easier....but now is the time of life not only to appreciate it more, but to try new activities, or give more time to some of the old ones.

I'm quite a balanced person in outlook, so maintaining that balance is the biggest challenge.

So far, no regrets and if I find concerns for the future drifting into my mind, I tend now to address them full-on. It would seem rather foolish to hit the silver years, and not to do so...but it's more important to be positive. There will come a time when I don't have a future, simply a succession [[very long, I hope!) of 'todays'.

[westgrandboulevard]

Arr&bee...that wasn't Death in the Electra 225, that was one of The Temptations.

You didn't spot a name written on the side?

[Jerry Oz]

The writing on the side of the Electra 225 said [[in very fine print) "Contrary to the occupant's understanding, this car was not presented as a gift, but in lieu of royalties by Mr. Berry Gordy. Signed documentation on file."

[westgrandboulevard]

And on the other side, I suspect, were the faint, barely decipherable words, 'David Ruffin'.

i wonder if his estate is still paying for session fees applicable to tracks only recently released, or even still languishing within the vaults....

I've never fully understood how that works. Maybe when someone passes away, that system is terminated.

[Jerry Oz]

It won't be. One of the immutable laws of the universe is that record executives are the embodiment of good and evil. Without them, some of our favorite artists would never have been heard on wax. But by the same token, the devil will take his due and that typically is a hard lesson in life and/or finances.

Question: If you were Little Richard/James Brown/Chuck Berry/The Primes/[[or nearly every other music legend of the '50s and '60s), would it have been worth it to become internationally famous, even though someone else took the money? If you can't have money AND renown, would you have gone for fame only? Few look at it this way, but I submit that as nasty as the record people are, it's absolutely worth it to the artists who would otherwise be unheard.

[westgrandboulevard]

I can never be sure if the deductions were, with exceptions, generally legitimate - or unduly excessive.

If the deductions are ruled as fair, it would seem that maybe the financial advice given to the artists was inadequate - or they were not prepared to listen, and did not consider ring-fencing income for tax purposes.

I can understand that the artists, [[young, in those days) who became successful probably took all the support they received for granted - and didn't give a thought to the cost of the operation, of which they were a part.

They only had attention for just doing what they loved, and for seeing their names on the record labels, appearing on TV and on stage.

For some, the underlying situation became darker when, feeling under pressure, they signed away their royalties.

[Jerry Oz]

Here's my thought: If you told James Brown that he'd receive $10,000 in 1964 but travel the world and, as you state, do the thing that he loved the most, then without other consideration, he'd sign immediately. He'd be happy just for what he agreed to accept and what he agreed to do. It's only when he looks over and sees someone else has earned 20 times the amount that he did that he becomes resentful. This resentment becomes greater when he's spent his $10K with the thought that he'd always make more and things dry up creatively. At this point, the manager/record label executive becomes a villain, a snake.

Now, there should always be transparency in financial transactions and agreements. Perhaps the label exec didn't know how well the artist would take off. However, if it was his seed money that started the career, who is to say that he should not reap the heftier reward? His backing was no less crucial to the artist's success than the artist's talent.

It amazes me when people are more than happy until they look over and see that someone else has something that they don't have. I've had people become upset when I've asked them to sweep floors because I didn't ask someone else to do it. Forget the fact that they aren't busy and they're being paid for 7.5 working hours each day, they shouldn't have to work if [[in their opinion) someone else is not.

All the while, I used to think that if "I told you that there'd be slow periods that you'd be ask to perform SMP [[sweep/mop/polish), would you have accepted the job or walked away?" I know the answer to that question. So, why take your eye off of your happiness because someone else has something else to be happy about?

BTW: I'm not excusing the weasels who ripped off all of those artists back in the day; weasels do weaselly things. But, without respect to their motivations, I still am amazed at how artists blame others for financial failure when they would otherwise have been bagging groceries at the corner store.

[westgrandboulevard]

At this stage of life, and having to deal with my own transactions for many years, I can see how life and business has to be.

Once vulnerability sets into a person's mind, the motives of practically everyone else become suspect - and none more than the motives of people to whom they are closest.

Most artists don't make it to be superstars, but many are still remembered, even for just one song. For all of those, there must also be quite a few record company executives who didn't make it in the industry, and record company bosses who lost everything when their 'babies' went bust.

[Jerry Oz]

Great post. People often don't realize what it takes for them to succeed. It's very true in American professional sports. The players see the money generated and decide they deserve the biggest slice of the pie in spite of the owners' resources being solely responsible for their role. The owners then [[somewhat) agree to the players' demands and afterward create new revenue streams. I'm 100% sure that they are aware of these new revenue streams prior to the negotiations, BTW.

Of course, when the next contract negotiations open up, the players insist on tapping the lions' share of that money as well...

But there are other costs to consider. Administrative costs. Taxes. Scouting. Equipment. Retirement accounts. The record labels/team owners bear the entire brunt of failure but must share an ever subjective amount of their success with the artist/athlete. Of course, neither side is wrong except in - as you mentioned - whatever their motives are and whether they were less than open about matters of finance when the agreements were signed.

[westgrandboulevard]

It's never happened to me, but I wonder if it is any different when what starts in love, then ends in divorce?

[Jerry Oz]

I think it's more like when it starts in lust and then ends in divorce. The difference? Love is more concerned about the other party while lust is more selfish about what it wants out of the relationship.

[westgrandboulevard]

It takes a lot of money to live a life.

It seems to take even more to have a divorce.

[Jerry Oz]

Relationships aren't always convenient or easy. I'm amazed that so many people get married and are more willing to call it quits than to fight to keep together. Why get married to begin with if you aren't willing to go to the wall for the other person, regardless of your issues with him/her? Of course there are a million reasons to break up, but there should have been a million and one reasons to unite in the first place and by may accounting, that is a greater amount.

[westgrandboulevard]

It seems that anyone born since WW2 has more choice in their relationships than those who went before.

Society has changed to fit the times. Where once it was duty which was paramount, in order to conform to the standards of the day, now personal happiness is a stronger key factor than before.

Duty can be somewhat rigid and, at times, somewhat uncaring to individual needs.

Where there is love, there is protection, so I can understand that there's no point to living in unhappiness with someone once loved, but no longer.

[Jerry Oz]

I'm amazed by the whole concept of falling out of love. I think people feel that if they no longer feel butterflies in their stomach when they are near their partners, then they are missing something. I'm sure that you and your partner have had plenty of cause and opportunity to split [[it's only natural that our differences manifest themselves through pride and subsequently, arguments), but you're still together. Without asking how long, I'd suppose it's been quite a while. Why soldier through when the grass is clearly greener on the other side of the fence?

[westgrandboulevard]

It will be 36 years next year. In the last 18 of them, we not only have lived but worked together.

It was not a conventional start, in that we were never in love with each other in the 'butterflies' context.

We just love each other as companions and are largely but quietly devoted [[think of two horses steadily pulling together) but we do not have eyes just for each other. It never was like that. We both look out to the world, often unaware of the other at our side, to the same subjects, the same people...but each of us also has our own interests, which are not largely shared by the other.

However, there have been others who have caught the eye of each of us at some point or another, but which only caused us to re-assess our own lives and found it not to be wanting.

We'll not see another 35 years together so, for as long as the road leads us, we are enjoying the established routines and customs, but are also looking for interesting new ways.

I do believe that when a natural conclusion arrives for one of us, the other will follow shortly afterwards.

[Jerry Oz]

As is often the case. And as far as that is concerned, I'm not sure which would break my heart the most - leaving my wife alone or being left after a long journey together. It occurs to me that the longer I live, the more I stand to lose whether it be friends, family members, or just casual acquaintances. Consequently, the greatest blessing [[a long life) may also be seen as the reason for the greatest heartache [[being left alone, especially if you had a large circle of family and friends at one point).

[westgrandboulevard]

I think that's when the saying 'taking it one day at a time' becomes invaluable.

No-one can really say how they will get through those days, which may turn into years.

Worrying about that loss, which is bound to unfold during some tomorrow, is just another way of saying how much today is appreciated.

[Jerry Oz]

That's kind of my life view. I lost too many yesterdays to not appreciate today.

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes, it's my view, too...but there are still some odd times, when telling my own mind that's how it is, that it can start to look like an uphill struggle....

[Jerry Oz]

I'll worry when it gets easy, friend.

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes. Strange isn't it?

We want things easy, then worry when life isn't tough....

[Jerry Oz]

And that's exactly why my semi-retirement won't last so long as the missus wants it to last. If I'm too comfortable, I must not be doing it right.

[westgrandboulevard]

A daily target of words for your novel might provide an agreeable challenge for you, and an agreeable solution for your wife...?

[Jerry Oz]

We will see. One of the reasons I haven't made progress over the years is her insistence upon looking over my shoulder as I wrote. I scrutinize myself enough and one chef is more than enough to spoil the broth on his own, thank you...

[144man]

You will need to have a lot of self-discipline. There can be so many distractions. Setting aside a fixed period a day where you are not disturbed would help.

[westgrandboulevard]

If the Muse is unforthcoming, it becomes harder. At other times, you won't be able to stop writing. The latter is the healthier sign.

Have to admit, I chuckled at the thought of your wife looking over your shoulder as you write.

I've heard of proof-readers, but she must be a proof-writer, who needs firm evidence....:)

[Jerry Oz]

She's great. She'll want to send feedback to a vendor via e-mail and since I am a Communications major, she'll insist that I write the note. She won't know exactly what she wants to say, but she'll know what she doesn't want me to say. So as I'm composing, she'll tell me to change something because she doesn't like it the way that I wrote it.

"What should it say, sweetheart?", says Jerry.

"Something else", says my sweetheart.

It will literally take 30 minutes to compose a three-sentence note. She'll stare at it like a lawyer reading a complex contract and every time I attempt to hit "send", I'll hear it:

"Don't do that." After five minutes with no revisions [[usually about the time that it takes me to play a game of Spider Solitaire on the computer), I'll send it anyway and hope that all's well. Then I get the dirty looks when I notice three seconds later, that I made a typo.

It's just the same old song...

[westgrandboulevard]

Haha! I see. "Take a letter please, Jerry..."

I'd be tougher, but with a smile.

"Look lady, just make some notes of what you want to say. We can then work them around together"

"I can't...and you're so much better..."

"Then don't be so lazy, and at least try....":)

[Jerry Oz]

That won't happen. We have our defined roles and mine is to do what she tells me to do. And, not to brag, but I'm pretty good at that.

[westgrandboulevard]

Well, we all need to balance things out as best we can....

[Jerry Oz]

If I was write a screenplay loosely based on my life, it would be something like this:

Jerry, enters from outside and plops down on the couch. He grabs the remote control, turns on the television without even paying attention to what he's doing. With a shrug of his shoulders, he tosses the remote onto the couch beside him.

Jerry: Boo Boo! I'm home!
Boo Boo: Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.
Jerry: Okay. What's for dinner?
Boo Boo: Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.
Jerry: Sounds great. When will it be ready.
Boo Boo: Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah?
Jerry: Sure. What size do you want? Two liters or one?
Boo Boo: Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.
Jerry: I'll be back in a little bit.

Somehow, I don't think that's going to win the Oscar for best original screenplay...

[westgrandboulevard]

It could win best Animated Feature.....

[Jerry Oz]

It would have great reviews from married men. Married women? Well, I just don't see them letting their husbands watch it.

[westgrandboulevard]

I can imagine that scenario would not be exclusive to married couples, and could well apply to anyone living with someone else.

I'm not sure that one partner could stop the other from watching, but they may well not like it at all. Unless, of course, they have a sense of humour and don't take it too seriously....

[Jerry Oz]

How is it with you and yours? It's there a communication gap or are you in that rare relationship where it's easy to stop what you're doing because you or your partner cares enough about what's being said? It's really easy to get used to each other and that is sometimes misunderstood to be a lack of caring.

[westgrandboulevard]

After all these years, we do slip into some of the routines without a word...but sometimes those routines need to be changed. Some of them were once good, but over time have become ineffective, due to changing circumstances.

We also find that, while we may be in the same residence, each can be completely absorbed in different thoughts, or on their own computer.

The downside is that changing routines or discussing ideas after a significant portion of a century together can sometimes require a formal conference. Attempts at that are often conducted while both of us are engaged in our own personal routines, and sometimes temporarily out of sight or earshot.

The conversation will then run on the lines of....

"How long are you going to be up there in the attic?"

Slight pause.

"Sorry...?"

"I SAID.....how LONG are you going to BE, up THERE, in the ATTIC???"

There is generally a short pause, followed by a somewhat puzzled voice responding...

"I'm in the ATTIC...."

[Jerry Oz]

Hah!! So it's not just me. I often will become quite absorbed in something and she'll say something when I'm not prepared to hear it. Half of her statement/question will be spoken before I'll know that she is addressing me. So I piece together what it sounded like order to put it into context of what I actually heard. Sometimes it'll make sense, sometimes not. If not, I'll ask her to repeat it. Sometimes I'm ready to hear by the second time that she'll say it...

[westgrandboulevard]

That's it, exactly. Even though you've already mentioned that your hearing is not 100%, that's how it goes here and, for all I know, everywhere else.

There is quite some potential for irritation in those exchanges, if the one who made the first statement is affronted, and feels they are not receiving their due attention.

It also isn't so great for the other, dealing with a feeling of being distracted, but then obliged to trail around, enquiring "Now, what you just said then, was it......etc., etc.....?."

[Jerry Oz]

I'd say that it was a "guy thing", but it happens with her as well. And I'd swear that sometimes she'll wait until I'm refocused on what I was doing before she'll start up again. For example, I'll take off my headphones to see what she wanted but she'll be deep in thought on something. I'll wait 15-30 seconds to put them back on again and no less than five seconds later, she'll start talking again. She insists that she doesn't do this on purpose. If I'm expecting a conversation, I can give my undivided attention but it's kind of a "gotcha" type of exchange that goes on.

[westgrandboulevard]

Here, I ask something [[admittedly, sometimes walking around) get what I take to be the answer, and then move on.

As I move out of earshot, more details are forthcoming, so I either have to disregard the sound...or return to undertand what is being said. It's like a tap, that starts to flow shortly after I think I've turned it off :)

[Jerry Oz]

I'm sure that dying plays on many stereos in many residences. I could have written it word for word...

[westgrandboulevard]

One good thing to be said for talking to yourself is that you get the right answers.

[arr&bee]

Shhhhh not so loud,if voice reads this i'll never win another argument.

[westgrandboulevard]

Voice know all the answers. Just doesn't understand all your questions....

[arr&bee]

Voice is too smart for his own good.

[westgrandboulevard]

And Voice would say you're far too dumb for your own bad....

[Jerry Oz]

And now I'm becoming too confused for my own mental well-being...

[westgrandboulevard]

I'm not at all confused about your mental well-being......

[arr&bee]

Jerry,you're fine i'm always confused or is it refused i get em mixed up anyhow you're cool,you and west are like two super analist when i read some of your post i feel like debatng with voice or reading the front page of the newspaper.

[westgrandboulevard]

You'd have more fun reading the back page of the newspaper, than some of our posts!

Don't forget - although we don't get out so much these days, we're allowed to have visitors here. You can come in, relax and have fun. Don't let the series of six locked doors put you off.

[Jerry Oz]

Just know that one of the doors is unlocked. If you decide to try to find it and don't pick the correct door for the first time, then all the doors will be locked forever. Open it and enter at your own reward or risk. The wise choice would be to wait where you are. Perhaps someone will eventually come for you.

[144man]

I'm scared I'll get the door with the tiger behind it.

[westgrandboulevard]

That will be the one with the name Supremes over it. Don't open it, as you may lose the thread......

[Jerry Oz]

If you pick that door, just tell the tiger that Diana is in the corner. This is important because the room is round. When the tiger jumps in to find his mistress, he'll be confused for hours as to how to find her and you can go through the door.

Caveat: Just be aware that this means that you will have no option but to go enter the door lest you spend the rest of your days with a confused Diana Ross fan [[which most of them apparently are). Should the tiger ever figure out how you lured him into the room, the claws will come out and you will see his deadly teeth.

And after reading some of the posts around here, I can tell you that when her fans flash those teeth and bear those claws, they fully intend to use them to deadly effect.

[westgrandboulevard]

So....just let the nice lady on reception arrange to bring you through.

You might need her to let you out again, afterwards......

[Jerry Oz]

Down the rabbit hole... "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here" could be the Soulful Detroit motto.

[westgrandboulevard]

"GATHER all hope, ye who enter here" - !

After all, we're the sane ones, sequestered from the rest of the world who have all escaped from an asylum....

[Jerry Oz]

I like your second sentence as our message board motto now...

[144man]

We may not be mad, but are we normal? What is "normality"?

[westgrandboulevard]

While we are all going about, just being ourselves, normality is what others in general perceive as being normal.

The reality just became a whole lot abnormal....:confused:

[144man]

I don't think I've ever met anyone who is completely normal.

The subject of Midnight Johnny's show next week is Van McCoy. I immediately thought, "Giving Up - Gladys Knight & the Pips [[Maxx)". Do you automatically remember the record label? Maybe most people on SDF do, but not the casual record buyer. Which means what is normal on this site would be abnormal to the outside world.

[westgrandboulevard]

Probably the only really normal human beings are those in the womb, and a dead body awaiting final service.

If there is some passing mutual interest in whatever subject keenly interests a fan, then automatically remembering the relevant record label is likely to be regarded by a casual bystander as a sign of great interest on the part of the fan, combined with a memory strong on association.

The less the interest felt by the casual bystander, and the more repetitive and enthusiastic the behaviour displayed by the fan, the more the definitions of normal and abnormal become mutually blurred.

[144man]

Do you remember the labels, wgb?

[westgrandboulevard]

I do, in the order of song title, artist and label...much in the manner that our American friends may say Buckingham Palace, London, England.

I can then, but with some thought, rearrange the order, going first for artist, and then their selected recordings, followed by label[[s)

Or label first, but which is trickier.......

[144man]

I don't think I could arrange even the Supremes' singles in order of release date. In the late 60s/early 70s, the manager of my local record shop was DJ Terry Jones, and he knew all the TMG numbers by heart.

[westgrandboulevard]

I can do runs by titles, but not total sequences from any artist. I'm generally guided by association of other events at the time certain titles were released.

Yes, there are those who do know the TMG numbers from memory. Probably, those who have or had all of them in their possession..which I did not.....

[144man]

The only TMG number I can remember is TMG 1000. I don't know whether that proves that I'm not an anorak or that I have a terrible memory.

[westgrandboulevard]

Ah, that will be 'Finders Keepers', b/w' Do Like I Do'?

I have a good memory, but I don't try to remember things I can't [[if that makes sense!).

What I do try to do is remember where I can find the information, when I want it...

[144man]

I worry that memory might be like a muscle, and that if it does not get regular exercise, it will wither away to nothing.

[westgrandboulevard]

I believe you would be quite correct about the consequences of memory not receiving regular exercise.

The key word is 'interest', which I also believe is the trigger.

Best not worry it too much, as that promotes anxiety... which will take the fun out of everything....:)

[144man]

With the causes of Alzheimer's disease and dementia not being known, we can't afford to ignore the problem, if only for self preservation. There can't be many of us who don't know someone directly or indirectly affected by the problem, and the lack of government resources allocated to research and treatment [in the UK] is a national disgrace.

[westgrandboulevard]

It is indeed a problem, and a complex one.

Some of it has physical causes, and some of it develops as a person with certain personality traits grows older, and becomes more vulnerable to the ageing process than do others.

Some say there are nine types of dementia, some say more.

And some say there are five stages, and some say seven.

And I say that it is what was once considered 'just' a part of the ageing process...but, with so many older people not only living alone but apart from their families, it is those people living with dementia who are the most vulnerable of all.

[Jerry Oz]

So, is there evidence that it has become better or worse in the last few decades? If it's worse, is it because there's more awareness of the problem? There are remarkably few public dollars available for research over here, as well. Actually, there are remarkably few public dollars for anything.

Case in point: It's now been determined that one of every 93 children in the US will be diagnosed with autism. The number for boys specifically is much higher. Nobody knows why and with the current lack of cohesion in the federal government, nobody will break loose money to find out causes or preventive measures. Perhaps the human brain is not ready for the toxic ecology of the 21st century?

I say that it's nothing that this wonderful elixur might not make better. Or much worse...

[westgrandboulevard]

There is much greater awareness of the problem.

Once, a degree of absent-mindedness and abstract thought in someone elderly, who increasingly appears to be without a specific direction, would have been considered as 'just their way'.

Now, attempts are made to match their symptoms to a diagnosis. While there is much greater understanding and help available, the person becomes less of an individual with special needs, and more 'a patient' or 'a sufferer'. They then carry a label, in addition to a name by which they have been known for decades.

Unfortunately, I feel, most of the increased awareness comes from the middle to senior age groups, simply because they are obliged to be aware of it - and very often, are in fear of it. It generally bypasses the close attention of the younger generation, as it does not signify with their perception if it does not directly affect them. For example, I'm unsure if younger employees in the retail sector are given any guidance in how to engage with customers who may be living with dementia.

It's all quite understandable because, as with the growing awareness to any problem, it can be perceived as 'tomorrow's problem', if it is not adversely affecting people, right here, right now.

Yes, it would certainly be good news if there were to be clearer indications of the causes of autism. However, once those are identified, a different problem may well present itself. Would one feel pressure to at least consider an abortion if likely autism is detected in an unborn child?

We were out at a dairy farm last Sunday, as part of a national 'Open Farm Sunday' held across the country. A notice informed us that the cattle in the herd are now inseminated with 'sexed semen', so that only female calves are born. I was not previously aware that 'sexed semen' existed.

I wonder if you are thinking what I am now thinking.....

[Jerry Oz]

Probably, not... I was thinking of how to word a fairly naughty joke about sailors going back to their ship after a night in a brothel. But, I digress... What were you thinking?

[westgrandboulevard]

If it's available for cows, how long before it's available for humans?

Or maybe it already is....?

[Jerry Oz]

I'm too lazy to Google it, but I thought that they have a centrifuge that is used for that purpose in artificial insemination of humans. I'd suggest that it is better to weed out the sexes in the lab than it is to handle it as they do in some Indian villages. There, they kill the female babies because they cannot afford the dowry when the child is betrothed. And of course, if the dowry is too small, the groom's family is allowed to retroactively terminate the wedding by burning the bride to death.

[westgrandboulevard]

Being able to know the sex of your unborn child has, of course, been an option for many years.

Having children of the sex you require at any particular time would seem a very different matter, and I wasn't aware that it was yet an available option, let alone possible.

It would, however, fit with other changes which have come about in recent decades. If a single person or couple did want only to have a boy, but the boy was unhappy about his gender, he could later change his sex, if he so wished.

It's all going to make our own lives so very......well..... random......

[Jerry Oz]

It's like the theme from "Jurassic Park": Ian Malcolm was an expert on Chaos Theory and one of the things that he determined to be among the immutable variables to determine predictable outcomes is that "life finds a way". You can plan and scheme all you wish, but in the end things will be as things are supposed to be. There are nigh infinite possibilities for what will happen in the next two seconds. But after it happens, the only thing that could have possibly happened is the one thing that did.

[westgrandboulevard]

I suppose that, while it is always best to plan, we should always embrace that theory of things being as they are supposed to be. After the fact, of course, that is a statement of the plainly obvious.

It does add more fun and interest to life, that element of surprise and coincidence. I'd say most outcomes can be predicted by previous events and behaviour, but not with absolute accuracy, as that also applies to current events.

I say "I suppose" because I have a feeling most of us would wish many things to remain just as they are...

[Jerry Oz]

But they cannot and will not. Chaos Theory posits that every outcome is predictable, so long as all of the variables are taken into consideration. So, even seemingly random occurrences can be foreseen basically through thorough and complete analysis of all events that affect them.

Of course, it's impossible to be able to know all of the variables, but it's an interesting theory. So, it would be interesting to know the outcome of a football game as a result of the wind blowing in a slightly different direction, causing someone in the stand to drop his beer onto a stadium security officer, who wheels about to threaten him just within the periphery of the goal keeper's vision at the exact moment that a penalty kick is made.

Since the goalkeeper had that subtle image in mind, he reacts 0.0001 seconds later than he otherwise would and the ball squirts in 2 cm away from his outstretched hand. Of course this is a simple example, because there are literally millions of variables affecting every action.

[westgrandboulevard]

Exactly. I don't believe it is possible to predict accurately with any consistency...but we can always guess..and, very often, we're right.

[Jerry Oz]

Don't forget that little voice that tells us not to do something when we reason that it'll be fine. "There's a 2% chance at failure, so why not?", and away we go. When it ultimately crashes and burns, we consider it and tell ourselves "I knew that would happen." ​The funny thing is, I honestly believe that we did.

[westgrandboulevard]

I'd say that, in those particular instances, we overruled our common sense.....

[Jerry Oz]

It happens to all of us. And it happens more frequently than we'd care to admit. I think that when we die, we will be presented a DVD in heaven that shows how we lived our lives. It undoubtedly will come with a second disc that contains a gag reel.

[westgrandboulevard]

If they're scheduled to be produced by Arr&bee, then I'm definitely living forever.

[Jerry Oz]

When you hear the soundtrack, you'll wonder why you waited so long to die. I hear that is one of the best parts of the package.

[westgrandboulevard]

And if I'm deaf when I die...?

[Jerry Oz]

The angels will play the music for you in sign language. Jackie Wilson, Sam Cooke, Ray Charles, and Otis Redding are going to be upset when you're not in the front-row seat they reserved for you at the "Welcome Home WGB" concert, though.

[westgrandboulevard]

It's going to be a tough decision. I think My Mum and Dad may also have something lined up for me.....

[Jerry Oz]

You'll have time. That first day is a doozy.

[westgrandboulevard]

[[I had to check out what 'doozy' actually meant! Not a word commonly used here, at least to my knowledge...)

If I ever get there, I'm hoping every day is a doozy.

[Jerry Oz]

You'll get there. We'll have tea and catch up on things.

[westgrandboulevard]

"We'll have tea...."

Are you contemplating reaching there first?

[Jerry Oz]

Nope. But I do intend to get there. I was rudely inviting myself to tea when after I arrive. I figure that if you get there before me, then you'll have the water boiling by the time I arrive...

[westgrandboulevard]

Let's hope it's only water that is boiling.....

[Jerry Oz]

Remember to press the "up" button when you get on the elevator...:rolleyes:

[westgrandboulevard]

I'm to be borne aloft by angels [[it says in my Will...) so I trust they know what they are doing.

I shall resist any attempts to be sent elsewhere as a goodwill ambassador....

[Jerry Oz]

Just look over their shoulders if they break out a road map. You don't want them to hold it upside down. Unless, of course, the arrows point to the bottom of the map...

[westgrandboulevard]

Jut like some of the taxi drivers I've met.

[Jerry Oz]

Have you met any who apparently cannot speak English until they suspect you have paid them too little? Their distant cousins work in Chinese restaurants.

[westgrandboulevard]

I'd rather they worked in Chinese restaurants than in any hospital or care home I might ever need.

[Jerry Oz]

You'll probably want to learn Chinese if you're to survive the 21st century. Expect fewer borders but more walls in the future.

[westgrandboulevard]

Thank goodness I won't be living forever.....

[Jerry Oz]

Are you sure about that? Modem science is doing things that we never thought to be possible just a few years ago.

[westgrandboulevard]

I won't renew the contract.....