Let it snow,let it snow,let it snow

**Jerry Oz** · 05-04-2014, 02:33 PM

Unfortunately, I live in a condominium and there is no space to grow a garden. I am eagerly looking forward to the day when I move into a house with a yard large enough for me to plant my own vegetables. Hopefully that will happen in the next year or so.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-04-2014, 02:52 PM

We're in a large redbrick 'villa' style property, in its own grounds. Victorian era, built late 1880s. Originally privately owned, then converted into 8 flats in late 50s/early 60s. Called a 'character residence' which translates to 'eccentric, and needs more work than some' ! Was used as a boys school during WW2.

The garden was once very large with a long, meandering path with pools either side. A gate, at the end of the path, opened onto the road, which is on a hill, which trails down to the public gardens in the town centre.

The path was later converted into a 'Close', the pools filled in, and a row of smaller, detached town houses built in the garden, on one side of the new tarmac. Our old house is now sequestered at the end of the short Close. At least two houses have been demolished at the entrance of the Close in the last ten years, to create a block of flats called 'The Glade'. We objected to the plans in principle, but actually the block is quite attractive, although we're told the rooms are very small inside.

We don't hold the freehold of our flat [[although that is a possibility in the future), so our ownership is on a 'leasehold' basis. Is that the same sort of legal arrangement as you have with your condominium?

**Jerry Oz** · 05-04-2014, 05:19 PM

Actually, I'm about 20 years into the purchase of it. I could buy it outright for the amount that's left, but we haven't had that discussion yet. Our place was built in 1977 and was once a much nicer community to live in than it is now. Former residents have moved out and been replaced either by renters or purchasers with a renter mentality. Current management apparently is to busy to enforce the rules that increase the common respect of the neighbors, so now we have people doing things like parking on the lawn when they're moving in or out, leaving their trashcans in the parking lot beyond trash removal day, parking in other's parking spaces, and walking their dogs on the common areas without picking up their poop. I was hoping to have moved away years ago, but we're still here, even as our property decreases in value yearly.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-04-2014, 05:52 PM

That's a real worry here, too. The buy-to-let mentality.

True, in our experience, some sublessees are better than those who both own and live in the flats here.

We have wheeled refuse bins, but which need to be stored at the rear of the house. The bins need to be brought to the entrance, as the refuse collectors are not able to bring the van any further into the property - and wouldn't want the extra hassle in going back and forth to the bins. Which means that often it is yours truly who at least puts out bins allocated to other flats, but which are overflowing. The squirrels have gnawed holes in the lids of some of the bins, either because the owners have left the rubbish there too long or, very often, because they have not bagged it - so the squirrels smell it and think "Dinner!"

And yes, other people parking in the wrong spots is very annoying! I now leave a traffic cone, weighted, with a sign 'Flat 5' in our parking space whenever we vacate, as it is usually me driving the car. If I didn't, we would often return, only to have to buzz our neighbours, asking if they have someone there with a vehicle registration number of XYZ, etc....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-04-2014, 06:29 PM

Such a small world... Just yesterday, a woman who is staying with my neighbor parked in my numbered space when I drove off to the post office. It took nearly five minutes of knocking, first on the front door and then on the back, before she opened the door. I was seething but I managed to politely suggest that she move her car from my space. She feigned ignorance of the rules and I told her that she is not permitted to park in another unit's numbered space. She moved out of my space and promptly ignored another resident's painted number by parking in their space.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-04-2014, 06:38 PM

Quite right, but that's exactly how it goes. Same with the rubbish. It goes in the nearest bin, not theirs. And you can put out their bin for collection, to be civilised, and they don't notice it there, as they are not in the habit of doing it anyway - so it stays there.

Our house is a limited company. We have a management agent, and AGMs. Before the managing agent took over, I was company secretary for like 26 years. You can tell I'm used to taking notes...so you can tell I'm vigilant. LOL

Do you have the rules and regulations on view in a public area?

We have a parking map in the lobby of both entrances. How about with you?

**Jerry Oz** · 05-04-2014, 06:54 PM

We don't have the rules and regulations posted but when I was president a few years ago, I made certain every owner had them after the association board updated them. I was a pain in many folks' butts because I gave notices and threatened to fine them for parking in the driveway to the parking lot, leaving their trash cans out after collection day, leaving their garage doors up [[permitting crooks to enter others' garages by climbing over the partitions between units), and parking on the lawn [[tearing up the grass).

I don't even know when the board is meeting anymore and I'm afraid to find out where our finances are after it took me a solid year of constant effort to make delinquent owners catch up with their fees. It seems that the succeeding president didn't like my agenda, so he immediately went about running things "his way", which meant spending the money on useless improvements. He was actually found with his hand in the cookie jar and removed, but the current president, while honest, isn't the best at running things.

Did I mention how very badly I want to move?

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-04-2014, 07:02 PM

Yes, you did, and it's because you don't like living there!

I love living here [[it's been a long time) so it is a constant effort to maintain a balance between keeping up a reasonable standard, and letting others live their lives.

We wonder if it will suit us as we age.

And the neighbours are, in general, getting younger....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-04-2014, 07:35 PM

Most of the people in my community are about my age, give or take ten years. It doesn't seem that the problems are confined to any particular age group. And unless I paint them all with the same brush, there are many that are quite responsible. It's the "20/80 rule" at it's truest wherein 20% of the people cause 80% of the problems.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 06:22 AM

Pareto's Law!!! Yeahhh! To be found everywhere...and I've yet to understand why it works, plus or minus precise figures around 80/20

One thing that works for me is to embrace a perceived problem. The minute it gets into my head [[back to tinnitus again!), worrying about a perceived problem or an anxiety makes the whole thing much worse.

So, I just evaluate what I shall do if this scenario does actually occur - or maybe reoccur.

If I can find one or more options to deal with it, I feel I'm more in control.

It's the not knowing, the sense of powerlessness - and the feeling of being a 'victim' of circumstances caused by someone else - which saps away confidence, and creates tension.

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 07:28 AM

These days, I'm better at shrugging and realizing that I'm the odd man out. I'm the one holding onto civility but sadly, it doesn't matter if I try all on my own. Perhaps it's best to mind my own business and look the other way since I can't change it.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 08:13 AM

It's important to retain all your sense of values, but maybe keeping them in your mind, just to yourself.

Where we are, we try to spontaneously engage with anyone who wishes to greet us, or have a chat. I'm tempted to grumble about some of our neighbours, but perhaps it's best to just do it your way [[well, they're doing it their way, aren't they...?!) and if anyone wishes to follow your example, or mine, that's fine.

One other option is, as you say,...move.

I'd always prefer to straighten any unsettled feelings in my own mind first, before I tackle that project - otherwise, they'll all be lined up, ready to greet me, on arrival at the new place! LOL

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 10:07 AM

That's a nightmare to consider. I can also imagine the party they'll throw for the new family, once the sticky wicket has left them to live unencumbered by perceived rules of order.

Oh, well: "In an insane society, a sane man must appear insane."

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 10:29 AM

Yes. One might be with insane people, but not of.....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 12:14 PM

Shhh... They cannot be permitted to know!

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 12:25 PM

They would if they were members of SDF.

Beyond that, I can't possibly comment.

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 05:33 PM

Now, that would be like an episode of "The Twilight Zone". If somebody walks up to me and offers me a bottle of hooch on my way to the garage, I'll scream and run over the hill, never to be seen in these parts again.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 05:37 PM

If someone were to offer you a bottle of hooch, everybody else would scream and come running towards you over the hill. Both you and the bottle of hooch never to be seen again....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 05:42 PM

I could stop the rabble by stirring up another Diana v. Mary debate. They'll tear each other apart well before they reach me or the hooch that they're running after. Good ol' SDF!

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 06:02 PM

The lunatics have taken over the asylum....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 06:07 PM

Ralph is locked safely in his office, ready to play old Stax records on the PA, knowing that they'll run away screaming at the sound of more edgy and less polished '60s soul. That's what is otherwise known as the "nuclear" option...

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 06:14 PM

Certainly, a lot of those Stax singles bombed on the charts....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 06:28 PM

But the hits were fantastic. Motown had the polish, Stax had the grit. Motown had the background singers, Stax had the horns. I'm going to call it a tie for who had the best in-house band [[don't tell anybody!!!!!).

If Motown gets the edge, it's because Motown had the more iconic stars than Stax. Oh, and a catalog that was probably three times bigger than Stax's. Nothing at Stax quite compared to the Temps, Supremes, Jackson 5, Four Tops, and [[or?) Smokey and the Miracles.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-05-2014, 06:58 PM

There were times when I would have liked to have heard more of the Motown horns - for example, as on Shorty Long's "Baby come home to me", and Stevie's "Music Talk"

I think the Stax singles were easier to reproduce live.

There have been times when the Motown music seemed 'squashed' - should I be saying 'compressed' - ? The rich tone sometimes was lost.

But...it was the tambourines, the drums and the bass - and then the sweeteners, like the strings, harps, and all, which did it for me every time. And we had the 'call and response' [[CHURCH!!), which I don't think was a Stax trademark [[?)

**Jerry Oz** · 05-05-2014, 07:18 PM

Without casting aspersions at Stax [[I love both studios output), Motown was more "professional" in every way, especially from the standpoint of stage performance. The clothes. The choreography. The way they managed to fit the perfect songs for the groups who sang them... Gordy was smart enough to step back and let the resident geniuses do their thing and it just worked.

At its best, however, Stax exploited that rougher, more "southern" sound. I'm a huge fan of the guitars as well as the horns at Stax. What they lacked in stage presence, the singers managed to put onto record. It was for me the essence of soul music and it proved that the genre was racially inclusive. I also am in love with how "clean" Stax's hits sound, mostly due to the fact that they didn't sweeten the tone with strings and filters.

Oh, I have to pick up my copy of "Muscle Shoals" tomorrow. Not Stax, but not far removed from it.

I have more childhood memories of Motown playing on my parents' radio, so I have to give the edge to Detroit over Memphis. But that being said, I'm pretty sure that I could create one heck of a playlist for a "60s soul party" with just Motown and Stax music. Even if nobody else was there, that'd be great to hear loud for a few hours.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 06:37 AM

Although I like my music to be meaningful, and to move me, I also like it 'pretty'.

I wonder if that's largely, and essentially , because I'm white - ???

Now, I can plainly hear and feel that Stax is more soulful, raw, real, authentic and funky -but it doesn't make my spirit skip quite like Motown. Neither does blues, or R&B.

So, to me, Stax is real soul. Motown is pop soul, cheering-up music, and I accept any argument that it is 'watered down' soul. The Supremes largely [[but by no means totally, not in my book) epitomised Motown, but they had no 'soul' in their records - but there was still a whole lot of heart - and that's always been good enough for me.

The first para in your last post says it all. Motown in the 60s was, to me, like MGM and all the other film studios were offering 20 or more years before. A glamorous entertainment factory, each new release offering something to take me from my everyday life - except I could easily integrate Motown into my life, so it wasn't just escapist entertainment.

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 10:13 AM

I made the same assumptions about Motown's "soul" credibility until I read and saw a few things about the performers. If you read about what the Temptations struggled through with David Ruffin and Eddie Kendricks' various issues [[to say the least about the death of Paul Williams), you will absolutely hear soul in every record. After learning their back story, every vocal is epitomized by my definition of "soul", which doesn't have to equate to funky or "raw". It blew me away when I realized it.

Personal dynamics within musical groups are one of the most interesting things to me. How people can be their best while working with one another, while yet growing to despise each other for being so close, is amazing. You'd think that from a financial standpoint alone, they'd find a reason to put aside personal differences. But more often than not, ego, jealousy, greed, drugs, background voices, and personalities pop up that make them feel that they can do better in life than they are.

That's one of the reasons why I love the Four Tops, who I know next to nothing about off stage. How'd they manage for so long? And the Whispers, as well? I submit to you, that when you learn about the human side of a successful band, you will find the soul of that record and those old Motown records were indeed soul.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 10:59 AM

I imagine being 'an act' in showbusiness is similar in basic principle to any of us working with a group of people.

The reasons for getting together with them in the first place give way in time to other reasons - and obligations. Some are to the group, some are directed elsewhere, in our private lives.

Generally, it is someone else who takes overall control of the group situation. And then there's that important element of money forming a strong factor in the equation - or lack thereof....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 12:32 PM

I believe money comes in just after ego. Of course, money [[and who gets the most) is the clearest indicator of who is "doing better" within the group, so that is ego-based [[like sex).

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 12:51 PM

It's always fairest in a group if everyone gets the same money.

However....very often, someone doesn't pull as strongly as the others, for whatever reason. This causes problems, and they leave the group.

Very often, someone has to leave the group to make more money. And so on...

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 02:12 PM

A former co-worker left a band because the drummer - whom he described to be the least talented player - insisted on exerting his influence on the band's music and direction. The guy was allegedly so overbearing that my acquaintance decided to give up as opposed to deal with the tension the other mates endured. It was not a money issue because they didn't make much. It was more about one guy not realizing that he wasn't more important than the other four. I think that plays out again and again in bands everywhere in the world.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 03:01 PM

Or anywhere people are working together.

Whatever it is, if it isn't working, then it isn't working....so, often with regrets, best to do something about it.

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 05:16 PM

I recall hearing that the members of Men At Work met while jamming at an Aussie bar. They had a couple of good albums, a few huge hits, and a problem with getting along with each other that wound up wrecking their chances for financial security [[and fame, if that's what they wanted). I personally believe that I could get along with anybody if it was for the benefit of my family and future.

Hah! Yet here I am working diligently to find a parachute from my current job, mainly due to a growing dislike for how everyone else's morale is affecting me. So, if I look at it objectively, I can understand it after all... Believe it or not, after I wrote the first paragraph of this post, it dawned on me that I'm full of **** in this regard.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 05:39 PM

Not quite sure how to respond, just at the moment, as there does seem to be some inner conflict .....do you have any hobbies - apart from the time spent on SDF?!

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 06:18 PM

I nitpick and cast aspersions between epiphanies.

Sorry for the confusion, but a light sort of turned on for me. In context of our conversation, I realized that some things do get old rather quick, leading to someone exploring his/her options. Rather than be one to complain, I try to think about it objectively. Either you're happy or unhappy with a particular station of your life. If you believe that you can do better and don't, well that's your fault. If you can't do better, then perhaps that job or situation that you might be enduring is a blessing.

That's why bands break up.

And unfortunately, I have more hobbies than time within which I may indulge them.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 06:27 PM

My main hobby at the moment is to try and hold everything together, and keep it all reasonably balanced. That includes spending time on SDF......!

Each time I have my own lightbulb moments, I jot down my thoughts. I tell myself that I'm dealing with it quite well, but really it just becomes another aspiration hobby : what to do with all those notes [[sigh...)

Oh well, always better to have something to reach for, than to feel completely uninspired, and bored.

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 06:34 PM

That's true. Another part of my dichotomous nature: I long to plan something like a trip or partake in an event that's to happen down the line. Just so that I can have something to look forward to. Yet, I also refuse to circle days on the calendar and look too far ahead because I don't want to miss what's going on today. I would hate to think that I looked forward to something for years [[for example) only to be hit by a car and killed on the way to the airport. Such a tragic waste of time. Each day is valuable and should be appreciated as it is given.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 06:38 PM

Do you prefer the plans and the journey, to actually reaching a destination - ?

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 06:46 PM

Yes. We went to a football game in Florida a couple of summers ago. It was so nice to get away together that it didn't matter that there was a hurricane the day after the game and we couldn't do any sight-seeing that weekend. So, I'm definitely looking for memories here... Even if most people would wonder why I enjoyed spending two days in a hotel room watching birds fly backwards.

Now, I can say with sincerity that "It was great! I spent two days in our hotel room watching birds fly backwards!" I guess I never really grew up...

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-06-2014, 06:55 PM

Well, children see a lot of things which adults overlook, so who is to say that is wrong?

**Jerry Oz** · 05-06-2014, 07:01 PM

It was pretty cool... I got to add to my treasure chest of memories.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-07-2014, 06:42 AM

That's where memories should stay - although it's spooky how they show up, just when you're least expecting them.....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-07-2014, 10:11 AM

It's like deja vu all over again!

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-07-2014, 10:36 AM

Ha! And nostalgia ain't what it used to be....

**Jerry Oz** · 05-07-2014, 06:19 PM

Well, it was back in the day...

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-07-2014, 06:43 PM

As long as you can recall that it was indeed back 'in the day', and not today, you'll be fine!

**144man** · 05-07-2014, 07:03 PM

One of my friends gets really irritated when I say "Back in the day" and immediately retorts with "Back in which day?"

**Jerry Oz** · 05-07-2014, 07:10 PM

Start rapping the lyrics by Ahmad until he gets mad enough to stop asking that question:
"Back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore,
But sometimes I sit and I wish I was a kid again."

Do that few times and he'll either lighten up or stop being your friend...

**144man** · 05-07-2014, 07:14 PM

I usually say "My bad", which annoys him even more.

**westgrandboulevard** · 05-07-2014, 07:34 PM

Those are both oft-used cliches [[OK, I know - if it's oft-used, then it's a cliche

) - but I've just thought : 'Back in the day' is something I'd use here, but not in the spoken word. Never recognised that before.

'My bad' I've heard, and also seen it used on SDF. I don't object to it, but it's not in my regular vocabulary, as it seems a little too shorthand for some occasions. As does receiving emails from those who sign off with 'KRs, or 'Best'.

Do either or both of you change your spelling in text messages? I can see it cetainly saves space to abbreviate words - and I use 'yrs' and 'ystrday' but generally it's much easier for me to spell as I always have.