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Thread: Just babblin!!

  1. #51
    IF I MAY ADD SOMETHING MR.PRESIDENT..MAYBE YOUR FIRST OFFICIAL ACT AS OUR COMMANDER AN THIEF-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..AND CHIEF SHOULD BE TO ADD AN ANNULMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION TO ERASE IMPEACHMENT,AND ADD AN AMENDMENT ALLOWING YOU TO STAY AS LONG AS YOU WANT..[that way congress will be powerless to get rid of you and you can do whatever you want]BECAUSE FOUR YEARS IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR YOU TO FIX THIS COUNTRY..[the fix is in]I'M EXCITED TO BE AN AMERICAN THANKS TO YOU MR.PRESIDENT!!

  2. #52
    I have absolutely no doubt that I will be so beloved that there will be no chance that I'll ever leave unless I feel like it. Part of that popularity will be due to me adding a "check here if you want $1 of your taxes to purchase a year-long all-you-can-eat Popeye's Chicken gift card" section to the 1040 tax form. That will definitely endear me to the massives. I wonder why nobody's ever considered these ideas before.

  3. #53
    Wow,i love popeye's,this is why you will go down in history as the best president since tricky dick nixon..i'm starting a movememt to rename pennsylvania ave. Oz road..and you can have it paved with yellow bricks and put real-lions-tigers-bears along the way and if anyone survives the trip they'll get tickets to the premier of my latest polaroid classic.

  4. #54
    You're going to direct my bio-pic. It's gonna be yuge. I'm going to act in it as my younger self (teenage years) and also as my younger self (present day). My wife can't act very well so I'm going to have Zendaya play her as her younger self and Halle Berry play her as her... uhh... younger self(?). We're going to have to rehearse a lot of the love scenes but don't worry, I won't need you there for those. This thing is going to make a crap load of loot and I can't wait for the rehearsals. I mean to get it started.

  5. #55
    SNIFF,SNIFF..AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF TOILING IN THE TOIL THANKS TO YOUR MAGNANAMOUS MAGNITUDE I'M FINALLY GOING TO DIRECT SOMETHING HISTERICALLY RELEVENT,MR.PRESIDENT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME...[but you will after you get the bill]AND YOU GET TO PLAY YOURSELF BOTH YOUNGER AND OLDER-BRILLIANT..I TRIED TO HAVE AN ACTOR DO THAT IN ONE OF MY PICTURES BUT HIS YOUNGER SELF WANTED TOP BILLING AND I HAD TO SCRAP THE FLICK,AS YOU MAY KNOW OUR OWN-MOE IS QUITE AN ACTRESS WHO HAS STARRED IN MANY OF MY POLAROID CLASSICS AND I'M SURE SHE WOULD BE HONORED TO BE IN THIS FIRST RATE FILM SIR..I HAVE TO GO THROUGH HER AGENT-SIR WEST,ESQ BUT WHEN HE LEARNS THAT THIS FILM IS FOR THE GOOD OF THIS NATION..[and da hood]I'M SURE HE'LL DROP EVERYTHING AND GET MOE TO THE SET ON TIME AND READY TO WORK...[now sir if Halley Berry doesn't work out I have a stand in a wonderful girl named-Scatterbrained Shiela]NOW SHE'S NOT TOO BRIGHT BUT SHE'LL LOOK REAL GOOD ON CAMERA..[and sir since this is for our country I'll give you the special presidential discount of -49%]THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THIS WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE YOUR ADMINISTRATION,JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU WANT THE CAMERAS SET UP AND IT WILL HAPPEN...WHAT A COUNTRY CLUB!!

  6. #56
    Sheila can be Halle's body double when Halle wears down *derp* I mean can't be on set to do a love scene. There's gonna be tons and tons of love scenes and tons and tons and tons of rehearsals to get them right. They HAVE to be realistic. Hey, uhh... why don't you DM me Sheila's number and I'll just go over the first nine romps *derp* I mean scenes with her.

  7. #57
    YESSIR AS SOON AS SHE GETS A PHONE..EXCUSE ME SIR BUT DID YOU SAY-TONS AN TONS,WELL SIR PROBLEM SOLVED I HAVE JUST THE GIRL YOU NEED NONE OTHER THAN THE LADY WHO STANDS FOR EVERYTHING..[and who eats everything]THE HOOD STANDS FOR..OUR OWN-LILBITS,SIR SHE'S A BIG FAN OF YOUR ADMINISTRATION AND SHE WORKS CHEAP..TWELVE DOZEN BOILED EGGS AND TWO DOZEN HOT DOGS WITH A SIDE ORDER OF FOUR GALLONS OF COLE SLAW WASHED DOWN WITH SIX GALLONS OF DIET COKE-[she's on a diet] SIR SHE'LL BE SO PLEASED AND EXCITED SHE MORE THAN LIKELY WON'T EAT MUCH BEFORE REPORTING FOR WORK..MAYBE A ROASTED COW AND A HALF GALLON OF POTATO SALAD WASHED DOWN WITH OH SAY A GALLON OF DIET ICED TEA..[she's on a diet]NOW LILBITS MAY GET A LITTLE HYPER WHILE IN YOUR PRESENCE BUT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS HAVE SAY OH-80-90 GLAZED DONUTS AND PERHAPS A FIFTY GALLON TUB OF HONEYSUCKLE ROSE ICE CREAM ON HAND AND SHE'LL BE FINE..JUST A SUGGESTION SIR FOR ONE OF YOUR BIGGEST..well actually the biggest]FANS..OR AND IF I MAY ADD SIR...SHE'S A REGISTERED VOTER!!

  8. #58
    Great! I'll need her to vote early. And also to vote quite often. I've been hoping to find Lilbits because I need someone to let people know that something I'm doing is finished. And as the old saying went "The opera ain't over 'til Lilbits sings". (Dick Motta would be proud) When I give a state of the union address, I want her to wail away to let everybody know to get the heck out of the chamber without asking me any questions. And her warbling is the tonic that the doctor ordered for clearing out a room. Plus, it'll make people turn off their TVs before the opposition has a chance to give their response to my message.

    Just make sure she knows that she can't sing until she sees me put the earplugs in.
    Last edited by Jerry Oz; 05-02-2019 at 04:26 PM.

  9. #59
    YESSIR,SHE MIGHT VOTE TWICE..[i'LL HOLD A ROASTED COW IN FRONT OF HER SO SHE'LL KNOW WHEN TO SING,MORE BRILLIANCE FROM YOUR ADMINISTRATION..PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN,WHAT A COUNTRY CLUB!!

  10. #60
    YOU KNOW SIR,I BET WHEN THE GRIMPILS FIRST CRASHED INTO THAT ROCK WITH THEIR PLYMOUTH..[why were they driving a plymouth??]I BET THEY NEVER IMAGINED THAT THEIR INSURANCE RATES WOULD GO UP AND IN THEIR ANGER THEY WOULD BLAME THE NICE NATIVE INSURANCE AGENT STANDING THERE TO GREET THEM,WHICH CAUSE THEM TO TEXT THE KING BACK IN ENGLAND AND ASK HIM TO SEND IN SOME INSURANCE AGENTS IN RED COATS TO CHECK THINGS OUT BUT WHEN THEY GOT HERE THEY WERE TOLD THAT THE CONTINENTAL INSURANCE COMPANY WAS IN CHARGE AND THEY SENT AGENTS IN BLUE COATS AND BEFORE YOU KNEW IT THEY STARTED WRITING ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION BUT THAT DIDN'T WORK BECAUSE THE CONFEDERATION HAD THEIR OWN AGENTS IN THE SOUTH AND THEY SAID THAT THE ARTICLES BELONGED TO THEM AND WERE PULLING OUT OF THE DEAL,WELL NOW THE GRIMPILS WERE IN HOT WATER BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY INSURANCE AS THE NICE NATIVE AGENT HAD RESERVATIONS TO KEEP AND LEFT BUT THEY SOMEHOW WORKED IT OUT BUT THEY HAD TO LEAVE THE CAR THERE NEXT TO THE ROCK AND TO THIS DAY IT'S CALLED-PLYMOUTH ROCK..JUST A LITTLE HISTORY FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT MR.PRESIDENT!!

  11. #61
    Thanks. American Mistory was always my favorite subject in school.

  12. #62
    You're very welcome sir!

  13. #63
    As i know you're a sports fan mr.president,i'm trying to locate footage from the first superbowl,no not the one with lombardi,the very first one between the honest native americans vs.the sneaky invaders played somewhere in new england,now the commissioner back then[miles standish] wanted the game played in old england so that they could have home field advantage but the coach of the natives[coach powattan]went over his head to the league office run by[king james]no not labron the other one an after much debate it was decided to play the game in new england,it was new and the fans needed to see it now there was some shady stuff going on from the git because when the coin was flipped the natives didn't know that it was the king's image on both sides,and they also didn't realize that if they lost[and they did on a last minute field goal by some rookie named john smith]that instead of a trophy they would lose land..well sir the game kept being played every year until the poor honest natives lost all thier land and had to disband the team..[the natives were so angry that they were going to kill that rookie kicker but the cheerleader pocahatas was dating smith and stopped the riot,although when smith got cut the next season she dumped him and dated the new kicker-john rolph]well the natives took their case to the league office but the fix was in and they got no farther than canton ohio where they were pushed back by bulldogs..a travesty in sports..i think it was filmed in color..just a little sports history for your administration sir!!

  14. #64
    That's what I wanted to know. That's the second mistory lesson I got today. The other was taught by my good friend Ima Pootbutt, who told me that George Washington, who is known to be the most honest man in our country's history was actually a big liar. When his dad asked who cut down the cherry tree, he actually said "Popeye did it", which got Popeye in deep water. They kicked him out of the army and made him a spinach farmer, knowing that he was allergic to spinach. Apparently, it triggered a spike in his testosterone which made him both very strong (albeit illegally so, steroids and all of that) but also very attractive to the ladies (if you know what I mean). Olive Oyl apparently caught wind of this side effect and learned to twerk when Popeye came into the Capitol Bar Lounge Dive Greasy Spoon & Strip Joint. Popeye of course saw her working it and threw a couple of shillings up on the stage, hoping to get a private showing. Of course this didn't sit well with Bluto the Pimp who lost loot when Olive wasn't on the pole so he had a grudge with Popeye as a result. Bluto and Popeye tussled and Popeye roided up on a can of spinach (he's strong to the finish) and beat Bluto while also obtaining the "services" of Olive. Bluto told his best friend Benedict and between them, they decided to betray the colonies. Lots of blood was shed, most of it by Mel Gibson in "The Patriot" but some by other people and things got bad. Bluto is the guy who told the Brits to wear sunglasses so that the Patriots couldn't see the whites of their eyes. Sneaky SOB. Well apparently, Popeye got toked up on spinach one day and took a pee in a corn field and the corn was so juiced on the spinach that the soldiers it was fed to became supermen and they kicked the red butts off the Englishmen, which was inhospitable, before telling them that they had to leave immediately if they were going to get home in time for Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips' grand opening. Of course that fooled them into leaving because when they got home they found out it was actually a Long John Silver's but since they were there, they ate it anyway. Apparently they wanted to come back for the Kentucky fried chickens who fooled them into leaving when Arthur Treacher's wasn't even built yet but when they found a KFC open in downtown London, it was pointless.

    All because George Washington told a lie.

  15. #65
    WOW,I KINDA KNEW THAT OL GEORGE WASN'T RIGHT...[the reason he never smiled was because those teeth were actually made of gold he hustled off of some pirates from pittsburg and since all the gold was supposed to be in fort knox a deal was made..ol george was a sneaky one.]

  16. #66
    Sir you are perhaps the smartest president this country has had too..you certainly know your mistory and these truths should be taught in the schools,maybe sir you can pass a bill..or the hat and see that the kids are learning these important facts...like what really happened to the liberty bell,now as i'm sure you know sir that bell belonged to liberty high school but as a prank their cross town rivals-whig high,now these two were big rivals so seniors benny franklin and tommy jefferson had a plan to steal the bell but on the day of the great prank tommy couldn't be found...[he was sneaking around with the head cheerleader-sally hemmings]so benny texted his partner benedic arnold who was on probation for stealing some papers but he was down for the action but they didn't know just how heavy the bell was and the fools dropped it and it cracked and made a terrible noise,woke up the whole town,but when benny and benedic were caught benny blamed the whole thing on benedic and he was hauled before the school board and kicked out,well benedic never forgot and a couple of years later he did something really sneaky as for benny he slipped by and even suggested that they put the cracked bell on display since it was of no use in the school cracked and all..they at first were gonna glue it back with elmer's glue but ol man elmer charged em too much..as for slick tommy jefferson he knocked sally up with some babies so she had to move to the other side of town and he had to go live with an italian school master named-monticello down in virginia although he kept in touch with his boy benny and they worked together some time later,the benny was a slick one!!

  17. #67
    I knew Benny was involved! They all laughed when I said he had a crack problem. And yah, I'm gonna mandate wack mistory month be held every year between June and August. Gotta get kids early if you don't want them growing up to be smart enough to run against you in future elections. Grubby little *@$!@#s are all out to take what's mine. At least mine are. Gotta pass a law saying that DNA is not a reason to make me pay child support. If I knew how much they were going to take, I would have lied about my real name before sleeping with their moms. But whatever, it'll all be the taxpayers' problem soon (thank God for taxes).

  18. #68
    Wonderful sir,more genius ideas to ruin-opps-err-ahem-hehe,,run this country!!

  19. #69
    MR.PRESIDENT,YOUR POPULARITY IS GROWING BY LEAPS AND BONDS SIR AS THE LETTERS HAVE BEEN POURING IN FROM YOUR FANS ALL OVER DA HOOD...[and hopefully other places too]HERE IS ONE FROM OUR OWN DUUFUSS..dEAr MIZda PriZEEdintS i em Varry HaPpY Dat Yuz iS rUnNiN fO Da ThInG Wee NeEdS a GuuD mEns LiKe Yuuz Ta TEeCh DeZ pEEPles SumPIN IM gONna VoOts For YuU As SuUn aS i KaN yO fReeN dUUfUSS..[sir you may need a translator to interpret it but he's registered voter]AND HERE'S ANOTHER HEARTFELT ONE FROM GREASY GRADY..yo,pres my main man you know i got the hook up when it comes to cookin cause you know i can burn so don't be shy bout hollin at yo boy bout that cooking gig down on the avenue,later yo boy grady from round da way..AS YOU CAN SEE SIR THE PEOPLE ARE BEHIND YOU,YOU'RE A SHOO IN..WHAT A COUNTRY CLUB!!

  20. #70
    I am a man of the peeps, class personified if I gotta say it myself. I got a letter in my email today from another fan. I'll post it, although I haven't read it yet (too much to do, too little time to do it; and if the title of the email isn't "Campaign Donation" then I get bored too easy). But here it is:
    You dirty son of a malnourished goat. My two daughters are pregnant and we didn't know who the fathers were until they saw you on TV campaigning to be president. You have a lot of nerve. And you better have a lot of Teflon skin because when I catch you, you're going to have more holes in you than a room full of Swiss cheese. I saw your ads say that you were frank and earnest and that's how we knew it was you. You told my daughter LouKweeshianetta that your name was Frank and you told my other daughter Shaneequattiananette your name was Ernest, you snake. Don't shut both eyes when you sleep tonight.

    By the way, I'm sending you $10 for your campaign. Gotta support the brothers trying to make a difference. Best regards,
    Louroy McJefferson-Davis
    Pigs Bottom, Mississippi
    Let me know if I need to read that. I just cashed the check and don't know if he wants anything in return.

  21. #71
    Umm,sir,you may want to keep the secret service close..did you ever pass through a little village called-pigs bottom,mississippi??

  22. #72
    Yeah, I got lucky at a bar there a couple times one night last summer. I remember it because the condom machine in the bathroom charged .75 and I didn't want to break a dollar. Why?

  23. #73
    WELL SIR THERE ARE NEWS REPORTERS IN FRONT OF YOUR CAMPAINE HEAD QUARTERS,WAITING FOR A STATEMENT FROM SEVERAL VERY ATTRACTIVE LADIES WHO CLAIM THAT YOU,WELL,UMM..HOW DO I PUT THIS,WELL SIR ABOUT THAT NIGHT AT THAT BAR?????...[remember sir when I mentioned that impeachment annulment sir,well now might be a good time to rush it through!!]SIR,I THINK THAT THESE CHICKS JUST WANNA GET PAID,BUT THEY ALL HAVE LITTLE SONS NAMED JERRY-JERRY I-JERRY II-JERRY JR-JERRY THE GREEK[sir I'm scratching my head on that one]AND ONE NAMED-LITTLE JERRY,YOU MIGHT WANT TO MAKE A STATEMENT TO CALM THE NATION DOWN...[sir if things get out of hand you can hide out in da hood,just go into grady's and sit in the back with a hoodie pulled over your head until things quiet down]THESE LADIES ARE CHANTING-DNA-DNA..I DON'T THING THAT'S THE KIND OF CAMPAINE SLOGAN YOU WERE EXPECTING SIR!!!

  24. #74
    U.S.J! U.S.J! No DNA! No DNA! Fight The Frame-Up!

  25. #75
    SIR,I HAVE THE SOLUTION TO THIS SLANDER OF YOUR GOOD NAME,I HAVE HANDPICKED SOME LEADING CITIZENS OF DA HOOD TO LIE..OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE...TESTIFY BEFORE CONGRESS THAT ON THE NIGHT IN QUESTION YOU WERE AT A RALLY IN DA ALLEY WITH THEM COUNTING VOTES,AND WE HAVE PICS TOO SIR...[now the drunk passed out face down is about your height sir and no one can see his face so it's your word against their's]SIR THIS IS JUST A DIRTY TRICK BY THE OPPOSITION TO SLOW YOU DOWN BUT THIS TRAIN IS MOVING TOO FAST...TEN MORE YEARS,TEN MORE YEARS...[which is what you may have to serve sir if those ladies produce DNA]THE PEOPLE ARE BEHIND YOU MR.PRESIDENT!!

  26. #76
    Dang! This is exactly why brothers can't make it in politics. Any little thing you do wrong comes back and bites you in the butt. Or in this case, on the ankles. I was only in Pigs Bottom for eight hours (or so) and I couldn't have slept with more than 5-8 hood rats while I was down there. If there's more than that saying I'm sleazy enough to sleep with them, they're probably outright liars. As a matter of fact, I could probably find half a dozen women in the next town over (Jefferson Davisburg) who could prove that I was out of Pigs Bottom by 9AM the next day. Of course, they won't necessarily remember me by my real name but I'm pretty sure the strip joint security video will help refresh their memories. I was the one who tipped the dancers with actual dollars and not EBT transactions. Hmmm... Now that I think about it, I might have been roofied 10 or 12 times and can't be responsible for anything that I did as a result. That's the ticket! I need to call my lawyer quick!

  27. #77
    Sir just in case i have-witch doctors-exorcist-root workers-head hunters..and a little old lady who lives in a haunted house in a swamp at the edge of da hood..all at your disposal sir..we gotta get you elected!

  28. #78
    Good good good... I really just need somebody with a copy of Adobe Photoshop on his computer and no aversion toward pasting the faces of certain somebodies on the bodies of participants of porn pics. And the addresses of those certain somebodies' spouses and a few television stations. I embrace technology as a tool to help me get elected.

    By the way, I came up with a great slogan for my campaign (based on our current president's M.O.): "Vote Jerry. Because it's only dirty if somebody's going to do something about it."

  29. #79
    MORE BRILLIANCE SIR,YOUR STRATEGY IS JUST AMAZING SIR,YOU'LL WORM-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..YOU'LL WORK YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS LITTLE HICCUP AND COME OUT VICTORIOUS...[somewhere deep in the bowels of hell,ol tricky dick is smiling].

  30. #80
    NOW A QUESTION FOR ANYONE BORED-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..ANYONE BRAVE ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY BE READING THIS,NOW HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A FLASHLIGHT TURNED IT TO YOUR EAR TO TRY TO SEE THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE,IT'S BEST TO DO THIS IN THE DARK WHEN YOU'RE ALONE..[because if anyone else sees this stunt you're going to the farm]NOW I'M STILL TRYING TO SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING IN BETWEEN THERE..[legend has it that there's a vast emptiness]I'VE HEARD THAT FOOD IS SUPPOSED TO GO FROM ONE EAR TO THE OTHER BUT BECAUSE OF THE EMPTINESS IT GOES TO THE STOMACH..ONE MORE LITTLE TITBIT-IF YOU SCREAM IN ONE ROOM WITH YOUR EAR TO THE WALL RUN TO ANOTHER ROOM AND YOU CAN HEAR THE REST OF THAT SCREAM WITH THE OTHER EAR...[stop shaking your heads this is the BABBLE post]BESIDES SCIENCE HASN'T PROVEN ME WRONG YET!!!

  31. #81
    Speaking of science, I just found somebody wiling to pee in a cup during my DNA tests to prove that I am not those babies' daddy. Ha! Sometimes, you just have to sleep on it.

  32. #82
    Or call in Salvatore "Big Sally With the Guns" Gottakillia. Then they can sleep on it - with the fishes.

  33. #83
    Big Sally called and told me that he wants a DNA test for his niece, Sylvia "Little Silly With the Nunchukus" Gonnabombia who somehow got drunk in my basement and subsequently impregnated. Did you know that Little Silly was a virgin before she came over and watched the fight with me nine months ago? Me neither. When Big Sally asked if I did it, I had to feign laryngitis because he's kind of my human lie detector. I did write "I didn't touch her" on a Post-It note and he seemed satisfied until he flipped it over and saw where I wrote "much" on the back in 8 point type. Now he's asking me about different grades of concrete that he's going to use for my new shoes if I fail the DNA test. He knows I used to work in building construction and since I can't lie to him, I strongly recommended Portland concrete since it hardens in contact with water. That may have been a mistake.

    Anyway, Big Sally asked to borrow $40 from me to buy the concrete and I probably shouldn't have done it but I floated him the loot. May have been a mistake since the only twenties I had were counterfeit and now the local news is flashing his photo saying that some idiot passed money that was printed on an ink jet printer at the local Home Depot. He's probably gonna be upset over that but hopefully he'll let me go when we talk about it. I plan on telling him that's why I normally go to Lowe's. Changing the subject can't hurt. Anyway, pray for me because Little Silly gave birth this afternoon and apparently the kid has the same triple jointed right shoulder and extra toe on his left foot that I have. Oh, and the same butterfly-shaped strawberry tattoo just under his left armpit. I told Big Sally that there are plenty of guys with those deformities and he said he was going to have to Google it. I probably didn't help when he asked how to spell "Google" and I told him G-U-G-L-E. It wasn't a lie because I didn't know the correct spelling but I can't imagine it's going to make things better. Especially since he borrowed my stolen laptop and it was on him when he got busted for the counterfeit thing.

  34. #84
    They're only lies if you get caught. Besides your presidency will carry on the tradition of other great presidents who couldn't keep it in their pants. The public will be forgiving. Big Sally, probably not so much. Good luck with that.

  35. #85
    Crap. He just called asked me to bail him out. Let me go fire up the ol' ink jet.

    Hey, could you scan both sides of a twenty dollar bill and email it to me? His bail is two grand, so I'll need 100 copies of it. Thanks.

  36. #86
    No problem, I'll make 100 scans (both sides) and e-mail them to you. I'll even scan in color (people seem to catch on to those black and white bills quicker). Maybe this'll get you back in Big Sally's good graces, couldn't hurt. Oh yea we're talking about Sally here, so I guess it could hurt so bad. Well, you've got yourself out of worst situations. The country needs you, you will indeed be the President of the Peephole, I mean People.

  37. #87
    Not to worry sir,duufuss knows big sally,as they were once cell mates,not in prison but elementary school as duufuss was too big to fit in the chairs and sally was too dumb to understand anything they would just hang out and mumble to each other anyhow one day sally ate a donut from grady's and turned green,and as duufuss couldn't figure out why his friend was green he just picked sally up tuned him upside down and all the food came up and sally's color returned,to this day sally has not forgotten his friend..i'll dial big sally and hand duufuss the phone..you can breath now sir!!

  38. #88
    That's a relief! I just put $20 on Big Sally's commissary account and apparently they have a way to detect bogus bills at the county jail. Looks like they're telling him he owes them for the grilled brie cheese on Italian bread sandwiches that he ordered before they caught the fake loot. I called Big Sally and told him I'd do anything to get back in his good graces and he asked why I thought his graces were good. Well, anyway... Looks like I got some help coming from Duufuss, which is greatly appreciated.

    Especially since that incident with his daughter having to quit college after she turned up pregnant. He has no idea who the dad is and he wants me to come over to help figure out how to track the rat down. I would do it but every time I try to set something up, he tells me his daughter is going to be present at the meeting and that's...

    ...problematic.

  39. #89
    SIR,DUUFUSS WILL HELP YOU BUT THERE IS ONE TEENY TINY LITTLE THING HE WANTS...TO BE VICE PRESIDENT..[sir when he sits his tiny mind to something he won't let go]I'VE TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM BUT HE WON'T BUDGE,HE SAYS THAT IF YOU DON'T LET HIM BE VICE PRESIDENT HE'S GONNA WRITE A TELL ALL BOOK ABOUT YOUR ADMINISTRATION...[there may be certain things that you don't want in print sir]I'M TRYING TO GET HIM TO TAKE AN AMBASSADORSHIP TO AFRICA..[you can ship him to some small country and by the time he figures it out your term will be up]BUT HE'S PUTTING UP POSTERS THAT READ..VIZE PREESEDINT OFF DA UNIGHTID STAKES OFF AMURICKA..[now this may seem harmless but if any of the local papers get a hold of this,after a couple drinks duufuss tends to talk and he loves to drink]NOW SIR ALL THE PAPERS IN DA HOOD I CAN CONTROL,BUT IF HE GOES TWO BLOCKS OVER I HAVE NO CLOUT OVER THERE...[maybe sir you could pass an emergency bill annulling the freedom of the press]JUST IN CASE SIR,YOU'RE CLOSE TO BEING ELECTED!!

  40. #90
    Thanks for the heads up. My step-son Darterrius just Photoshopped a picture of Duufuss with a MAGA hat on and emailed it "by mistake" to some guys who were kicked out of the Fruit of Islam for being too intolerant for the Nation. They're going to eat a few bean pies and head over to discuss Duufuss' political leanings with him. Hate having to do it to him but I can't find out that I'm his daughter's baby daddy *I mean I can't use him as a vice-president because he'd swear during the debate and it might cost me the Southern Baptist votes. The only swearing politician they appreciate is Donald Trump and they're not going to trade a vile orange for a obscene avocado. I think Duufuss will be okay but he might have to convert and change his last name to X or Y or some other letter. The Nation will never let one of their members become vice-president, so all's well.

  41. #91
    Umm,sir,you may wanna rethink sending those brothers..duufuss is light in the head but his physical strength is another thing,there was once a race involving a two ton pickup truck well duufuss thought that meant actually picking the truck up..he carried it over forty miles before they explained it to him,and besides he would think that the[nation of islam]is where genies come from..[he believes in those kinds of things]so just send some chicks dressed in[i dream of genie]costumes and he'll be putty in your hands,but he loves bean pies!!

  42. #92
    Crap. I called to get those brothers to call off the intervention and now I'm committed to standing in traffic to sell The Final Call for the next two years. I don't even have a bow tie. And if Duufuss sees me out there, he's gonna think I have a job and can pay child support if he figures out that one (me) plus one (his now sober daughter) equals three (she's pregnant with triplets). And if I'm photographed selling newspapers in a bow tie and a Kufi hat, I'm gonna get birthered by Trump and Joe Biden.

    What a revolting development this is...

  43. #93
    SIR STANDING IN ALL THAT TRAFFIC COULD WORK IN YOUR FAVOR,FOR ONE DUUFUSS WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND YOU,AND YOU CAN MAKE A SPEECH AND EXALT YOURSELF EVEN MORE SIR,BEING A MAN OF THE PEOPLE YOU CAN STAND ON A SOAPBOX..[my cousin ruufuss sells em for two bucks but I can get you a discount]THOSE BEANPIES WILL BRING IN THE BLACK VOTE AND TRUMP WILL BE HISTORY..[I'm afraid you're on your own with Biden sir]I CAN GET YOU A BOW TIE FROM MR.DEADMAN'S FURNERAL HOME SIR..[he'll just borrow one from one of the corpses in the basement,they love you sir and there're all just dying to vote for you]OH SIR THERE ARE SOME TOUGH LOOKING DUDES OUT IN FRONT OF YOUR CAMPAINE OFFICE FROM THE FRUIT OF ISLAM...AND DUUFUSS IS WITH EM,OH OH!!!

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Soulful Detroit is a free service that relies on revenue from ad display [regrettably] and donations. We notice that you are using an ad-blocking program that prevents us from earning revenue during your visit.
Ads are REMOVED for Members who donate to Soulful Detroit. [You must be logged in for ads to disappear]
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