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Thread: Just babblin!!

  1. #1

    Just babblin!!

    Hi,gang you know sometimes we don't have anything on our minds,but then again we might not have much important stuff going on so we just...babble[hehe]now it may not be about anything and that's just the point why does everything have to be about anything anyhow? you might just feel like saying nothing and that's cool with me because there are times when there's nothing going on in my mind anyhow so why put something there that's not there anyhow,ya dig but how do you talk about nothing if there's nothing to say in the first place?beats me but heck since ain't nothing happening anyhow who cares and this is a long and winding road to anywhere so come on in and join me in a good-BABBLE...I'll be over here by the marker that reads NEXT-as in next babble step right up and convey or don't but say something anyhow I mean you're here right so step right up and put it down or type it up or something or nothing because this is the place for,you guessed it-BABBLE...I'm having a good time over here but there's plenty room for everyone and anyone to join me for what?? BABBLE,like the other day I was thinking about absolutely nothing but how do I express that well just like this am I making any sense of course not and that's why we're here it's not supposed to make sense it's just supposed to make-BABBLE..I 'm like a man running a marathon and this is fun just sitting here grooving with the music[of course there's music]like the other day i was looking at ants close up,did you know that they don't like to be stared at they will walk away if you get to close,well that's gonna close it for this chapter but it's about the-BABBLE!!

  2. #2
    Ahh,just as i thought..people always have something on their minds....something is very wrong with people!!!

  3. #3
    I have... no words...

  4. #4
    I got nothing on my mind, Homeboy. Except basketball, I guess. Both of the teams that I follow are looking sketchy going into the playoffs. Sixers still not playing up to par and the Nuggets don't look like a tournament team, even with the fourth best record in the league. Maybe they'll catch fire. Or maybe, there's always next year. I'll know in a few weeks. If they meet in the Finals, I'm rooting for Philly, by the way. So don't ask.

    And I have the same problem in football. Miami may not make the playoffs again in a decade but I expect Atlanta to be NFC champs this season. Too bad Donald Trump, Jerry Jones and former sh*tty sherriff David Clarke have me so pissed at the NFL that I probably won't watch a game for the second year in a row. But I still follow and support my teams because its hard for a 40+ year fan to not be a fan. If they meet in the Super Bowl, I'm rooting for Atlanta, by the way. So don't ask.

    Say a prayer for my Pops, who is in the hospital right now. I'm so worked up, I probably should be in the bed next to his.

    I'm trying to dig out my old post where I made about six predictions for the Donald Trump presidency because I'm pretty sure at least four of them are absolutely spot on right now. But I can't find it. What the heck is wrong with america? (I spelled it in lower case because an improper place doesn't deserve to be referred to by a proper noun.) Sixty years of civil rights went *poof* up in smoke, just like that.

    Anyway, I'm getting grumpier as I get older. I find more to complain about than I should. Thank God I live in a condo or I'd be screaming at those damned kids to get off of my lawn. By the way, is it me or is everybody else in the world freaking crazy?

  5. #5
    I'm saying a prayer for your pops,everybody except those of us lucky enough to be in this clubhouse,are crazy!

  6. #6
    Thanks, partner. Just found out that Joel Embiid is hurt and likely won't start in the playoffs for the Sixers. The gods of sport must hate my guts and I don't know why. It must be because of my genius in all things sports and sports related (and pretty much everything). Is it my fault that I'm the smartest person you know? Well, it kind of is since I was born with a big brain but had the desire and fortitude to go out and fill it with all of the useless crap that resides there now. Like this joke:

    One day in the hole of the Mole Family, Papa Mole decided to get a breath of fresh air. He stuck his head out of the hole and declared: "Wow! Something out there smells like maple syrup."

    Mama Mole looked up from reading a book to Baby Mole and told him to stop messing around.

    "Seriously, come smell this," he said.

    She stuck her head out of the hole and said: "That doesn't smell like maple syrup. It smells like honey."

    Baby Mole loved both honey and maple syrup. He decided to take a whiff himself but with his mother and father halfway through the hole, he couldn't stick his head out to smell for himself. He tried and tried but his head kept striking his parents' rear ends, preventing him. Finally, he gave up and fell down in tears.

    Mama Mole, hearing her baby cry, crawled back into the hole and asked baby why he was crying so hard.

    "Because it's not fair that Daddy smells maple syrup and you smell honey," he said. "But all I can smell is mole asses."

    BABBLE!

    Besides all that, I want to announce before my Soulful Detroit Friends that I'm entering the Democratic campaign for president. Write me a check if you want me to not prosecute you after I win. I'm not like the current loser, who takes care of himself first and then his financial contributors. I take care of myself first and then I take care of myself. But I'll ignore you if you give me some loot. For now. No amount above $500 is too small to donate for right now. But give me all that you can give before I raise taxes. Thanks for your support everybody. Big Brother will be watching really really soon.

    BABBLE!

  7. #7
    AWW THAT POOR LITTLE BABY MOLE[HEHE]...NOW YOU RUNNING FOR PREZ IS GREAT...WHAT A COUNTRY CLUB!!NOW I'M GONNA GO OUT AND ROUND UP SOME VOTES..NOW OF COURSE SOME OF THOSE VOTES ARE NOT ROUND SO I'LL HAVE TO BRIBE EM TO GET EM INTO THE ROUND THINGGY BUT DON'T WORRY THEY'LL BE HERE,YOU'LL NEED SOME P.R....[those are the only letters that I could get hold of on short notice,and I'll have to have em back at the alphabet clinic before sundown]THIS IS SO EXCITING..IF THEY THINK THIS COUNTRY IS IN BAD SHAPE NOW JUST WAIT TIL WE GET THROUGH WITH EM...I VOLUNTEER TO SERVE IN YOUR CABINET...[any food left in there??]I WANNA BE SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE WHATCHAMACALLIT,YOU KNOW WHERE I GET TO SEND OUR POLITICAL ENEMIES TO GREASY GRADY'S KITCHEN AS PUNISHMENT FOR NOT DOING WHAT YOU TELL EM..AND LET ME RUN THE THINGAMABOB..YOU KNOW THAT CASE WITH THE COOL RED BUTTON...[I won't actually push it but just put my finger on the trigger to scare the heck out of em]AND PRESIDENT JERRY[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]LET ME KEEP THE KEYS TO THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT...[and I'll only give myself a raise every six minutes to keep the budget balanced]AS YOU CAN SEE I'M HERE TO SERVE YOU MR.PRESIDENT[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]AND I URGE YOU TO OPEN THE BORDERS...[because by the time they get to d.c. the treasury will be locked and nobody will get paid]OH AND WE SHOULD CLOSE DOWN THAT-TRUMP HOTEL THINGGY AND PUT YOUR NAME ON IT-THE PRESIDENT JERRY AN THEM BED AND BREAKFAST..AND WE SHOULD TAKE DOWN THAT STATUE OF OL THOM JEFFERSON AND PUT UP ONE TO LITTLE RICHARD..[ain't nobody ever gave him nothin]AND IF I MAY SIR SUGGEST THAT WE ANNEX THE NORTH POLE..[and everytime that that little dictator saint nicolas and his band of thieves travel south to smuggle those toys we can slap a tarriff on em]I'M RIGHT WITH YOU PRESIDENT JERRY[IT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]MAKES ME PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN...WOW WHAT A COUNTRY CLUB!!!

  8. #8
    Jerry, my brother told me the other day that he's running as well. He told me to send my campaign donation in care of his firm Dewey Cheatham & Howe.

  9. #9
    That's cool sansradio..and if our future president isn't home send the check to my lawyers-dis onest t.& trick er rea,esq. And i promise your money will be well spent..as that great american[duufuss]once said-give me some letters...and i'll mail em! What a country club!!

  10. #10
    PRESIDENT JERRY[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]NEWS OF YOUR RUNNING IS SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE,SNIFF SNIFF-THAT IS WILDFIRE[somebody take those matches from duufuss]NOW AS I WAS SAYING THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS EXCITED AND I'VE ASKED THAT INFAMOUS SPEECHWRITER TO THE STARS..[we never did tell him that none of the stars ever answered]NOW I GIVE YOU CONFESSOR-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE-PROFESSOR[I.WILL MIS]NOW DR.MIS IS GOING TO WRITE YOUR INGURGITATION SPEECH AND AFTER HOURS IN FRONT OF THE TYPE WRITER..[somebody finally showed him how to sit at the type writer]THIS GREAT MAN OF LETTERS CAME UP WITH...[umm]IS THIS GUY GOOD OR WHAT?I'M ON IT MR.PRESIDENT[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]YOU CAN COUNT WITH ME-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE-COUNT ON ME!!

  11. #11
    Jai, don't bribe people because I have a better idea. Send me $100 and I'll let you recruit ten people who will send you $100 each. You'll kick up $800 of that to me and double your investment in no time flat! Then, those ten folks will recruit ten more (each) and They'll keep $200, you'll get $1,000 and I'll take $7,000. And then, those hundred will...

    BABBLE!

  12. #12
    Haaaaaaaaaa,my president,you da man now why don't i do this in your name..collect taxes on anything you dream up and keep it in a swiss bank account in my[other]name and this way if someone wakes up and there's an audit your name will be clear and i'll be on an island in the south pacific in your service of course and if-opps-err-ahem-hehe..when i report to you we'll split 70-30..hehe now that's just my small fee in your service[a small 70% for my services]as always your mumble servant!!

  13. #13
    That sounds good. I have another great idea. I read where the US is mad at Venezuela because they nationalized the oil industry in that country. I'm gonna nationalize the burger joints and keep the profits. I'll raise the prices and tell everybody it's to reduce the debt so it'll be their patriotic duty to buy burgers from me *** oops *** I meant US to make sure taxes stay low and I can afford my wretched excesses. It ain't easy running a country like the USJ. Yah, I'm changing the name of the place to the United States of Jerry and if anybody doesn't like it, I'll have them on the border building Donald Turnip's useless wall. Not as punishment, mind you. As their civic duty. Any loser who refuses will be labeled unpatriotic and relocated to the other side of the border.

    My brain is so big and it really works well.

  14. #14
    Jerry, I'm beginning to think you may be hanging around arr&bee a little to much. Just saying.....

  15. #15
    When you've finished doing what you're doing, can you please come over here and sort Breakfast, oops I mean Brexit, out?

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by ralpht View Post
    Jerry, I'm beginning to think you may be hanging around arr&bee a little to much. Just saying.....
    I never met him in person. But he was a bud at Christmas time and sented me a buttle of hoch. I mean huuch. Houche.

    Umm... It's been hard to collect my thoughtses and typ rite sinse he done it but tha stupf is gud.

    Ennywee, I'm gunna nead sum more, Jai.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry Oz View Post
    I got nothing on my mind, Homeboy. Except basketball, I guess. Both of the teams that I follow are looking sketchy going into the playoffs. Sixers still not playing up to par and the Nuggets don't look like a tournament team, even with the fourth best record in the league. Maybe they'll catch fire. Or maybe, there's always next year. I'll know in a few weeks. If they meet in the Finals, I'm rooting for Philly, by the way. So don't ask.

    And I have the same problem in football. Miami may not make the playoffs again in a decade but I expect Atlanta to be NFC champs this season. Too bad Donald Trump, Jerry Jones and former sh*tty sherriff David Clarke have me so pissed at the NFL that I probably won't watch a game for the second year in a row. But I still follow and support my teams because its hard for a 40+ year fan to not be a fan. If they meet in the Super Bowl, I'm rooting for Atlanta, by the way. So don't ask.

    Say a prayer for my Pops, who is in the hospital right now. I'm so worked up, I probably should be in the bed next to his.

    I'm trying to dig out my old post where I made about six predictions for the Donald Trump presidency because I'm pretty sure at least four of them are absolutely spot on right now. But I can't find it. What the heck is wrong with america? (I spelled it in lower case because an improper place doesn't deserve to be referred to by a proper noun.) Sixty years of civil rights went *poof* up in smoke, just like that.

    Anyway, I'm getting grumpier as I get older. I find more to complain about than I should. Thank God I live in a condo or I'd be screaming at those damned kids to get off of my lawn. By the way, is it me or is everybody else in the world freaking crazy?
    Jerry I hope your Dad gets better soon!

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by marv2 View Post
    Jerry I hope your Dad gets better soon!
    Thanks, Marv. One of my lifelong friends lost his Dad on Monday (went to the funeral this afternoon) and even though mine is making progress, I'm jumping every time the phone rings. I wish I could freeze time or rewind it.

  19. #19
    Jerry, now I'm worried about you son....If he tries to sell you an elephant, let me know.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by ralpht View Post
    Jerry, now I'm worried about you son....If he tries to sell you an elephant, let me know.
    Oh, he did that already. It got lost in the mail and I'm trying to get USPS to look into it with little success. But he promised to send me a receipt, do I'm good.

  21. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry Oz View Post
    Thanks, Marv. One of my lifelong friends lost his Dad on Monday (went to the funeral this afternoon) and even though mine is making progress, I'm jumping every time the phone rings. I wish I could freeze time or rewind it.
    I went through a whole year of that (jumping every time the phone rang), sleeping on the sofa with a packed bag near by. It can be stressful. I have to attend my cousin's funeral tomorrow who I last saw last summer at our reunion. Hang in there.

  22. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry Oz View Post
    Oh, he did that already. It got lost in the mail and I'm trying to get USPS to look into it with little success. But he promised to send me a receipt, so I'm good.
    Oh man, Jerry, I think I may have shot your elephant. When I saw an elephant in my mail box, I thought it was more Republican propaganda. And well being pretty fed up with that mess I just shot it (I used the gun The Bobbettes shot Mr. Lee with).

    Fortunately the bullet passed through a bottle the elephant was carrying and the contents immediately disinfected and healed the wound. Doctors who examined the wound were amazed and concerned; their fingers were numb for twenty minutes after the examination.

    I hope this doesn’t affect my chances to immigrate to the United States of Jerry. I got get out of this place, man everybody here has gone Patsy Cline “Crazy”. Except Julio Iglesias, he went “Kressie”.

  23. #23
    Hey ralph,see what i've done here..good non chatter[babble]if anybody could creat a non sense talk thinggy it's me,i may take this thing national..[is uhs still running?]in the meantime i have to assist our president in waiting..what a country club!

  24. #24
    PRESIDENT JERRY[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]IN YOUR SERVICE I'VE FOUND SOME OF THE TOP CRIM-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..CREATIVE MINDS IN DA HOOD TO HELP YOU WITH SUCH THINGS AS..[changing the color of that house at 1600 Penn Ave.]THAT WHITE COLOR SORT OF STANDS OUT ABIT AND YOU MIGHT NOT NEED TOO MUCH ATTENTION..[maybe a nice dark brown would be nice]AND YOU CAN DO AWAY WITH THE C.I.A...[just make em eat some of Grady's cooking]AND THEY'LL CONFESS EVERYTHING WHETHER THEY DID IT OR NOT,ALSO YOU WON'T NEED FOOD TASTERS JUST HIRE LILBITS..[she can digest anything]OH AND YOU'LL NEED A RUNNING MATE IN CHARGE OF VICE-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..VICE PRESIDENT,SO I'M LOOKING FOR THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB..IN YOUR SERVICE OF COURSE!!

  25. #25
    Let's all slow down because I'm not president yet. I'm still working on blackmail schemes to make each state's legislators realize that I'm not playing when I say suppress any votes against me or else. I'm sorry, blackmail is technically illegal. I meant to say, I'm looking for ways to use undue leverage in order to force unwilling lawmakers into doing what I demand for fear of me leaking embarrassing secrets to the media or their spouses. Pretty sure that's legal.

    So far, I've got Rhode Island paying serious attention. I know because they had the FBI contact me and ask if I wanted to go to jail for extortion. Don't worry though, because I offered them iced tea and might have slipped them each a half-drop of hooch. (I confess to nothing...) They haven't been seen since so I think I'm in the clear. Anyways, everything looks like it's coming together nicely!

    Whoops... Just got another snoot full of the good stupf and now umm sterting tuh fill rilly rilly spacial aghn. Whuh's end diss ennyhoo?

  26. #26
    DON'T BE SO MODEST MR.PRESIDENT,YOU'RE A SHOO IN,I GOT MY GOONS-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..MY GOVERNMENT SPECIALIST IN EVERY STATE IN DA HOOD,AND THE RESULTS LOOK GOOD IN YOUR FAVOR..[everybody in da hood owes me and they do what i tell em]OF COURSE WE'LL GET EM TO THE POLES..[oh hit em with one]YOU'RE A MASTER POLITICIAN MR.PRESIDENT THE WAY YOU TWIST THOSE WORDS AROUND AND BEND THOSE LAWS TO YOUR FAVOR..[GENIUS AND SMART TOO]YOU'RE GONNA BE THE BEST PRESIDENT THIS OL COUNTRY HAS HAD SINCE TRICKY DICK NIXON...WHAT A COUNTRY CLUB!!

  27. #27
    I might need to pump the brakes. I just got an email from Bormee Sameuls, she's a floozy with whom I had a rendezvous after that first hit of hoosh... hoch... magical elixir that you gave me, Jai. I dunno. She might be right, I lost two weeks right after that first hit and woke up butt naked in the Manatee pool of the Nashville Zoo, teaching Mabel the Manatee how to fart underwater without bubbles. Anyway, Bormee is threatening to go to the tabloids and ruin my reputation if I don't pay her bar tab from last night. She said that it's $33.50 (after tip) and I don't have that kind of loot. This country is just off the rails when a drunken man can't play house with a random crack-addled stripper without it potentially ruining his life. Anyway, I'm gonna need $33.50.

  28. #28
    My group, The Mixed Emotions, would love to do a benefit to help raise the $33.50. It would be a great opportunity to debut our new billing, S.Soul & The Mixed Emotions. Nice ring huh? My fellow Mixed Emotions, Larry and Floyd, aren’t too happy about it but they understand its all part of the build up to launch my acting career. After I’m gone they’ll find another crazy-assed fool to take my place (actually that’s how their advertising for the position).

    I’ve already landed my first movie project. In it I play a straight man (a real stretch) that faces intense discrimination as he tries to break into the competitive world of professional flower arranging. I do all my own arranging, it’s called “Joe Hogany”.

    Oh but I’m just babbling. Now about the benefit, my accountants (Wee & Steall) assure me that after we deduct all legitimate (and some illegitimate) expenses we will be able to contribute a whopping $1 .49! Only $32.01 to go-go!

  29. #29
    That sounds great, soph! Tell Larry and Floyd that I don't forget those who help me out. If they do the benefit, I'll give you guys a special discount off of your fees for playing at my inaugural. And can you get me a business card for Wee & Steal? My last accountants (Tookis, Loot & Rann) stopped returning my calls when I asked how my last six years' direct deposits wound up in an off-shore account.

    I'm sure they're digging into it but their number is now disconnected and I've been advised to stop trying to reach them by one of their associates, Salvatore "Big Sally With the Guns" Gottakillia. He's a sweet guy, by the way. He invited himself to my birthday party and when he noticed something wrong with my $3,500 karaoke machine, he took it in mid-performance to be repaired. That was two years ago, so I guess it needs a lot of work. I did bump into "Big Sally With The Guns" a couple weeks ago and when I asked if it was fixed, he told me that I should be more worried about missing my legs and face than my karaoke machine. That was pretty deep. Reminds me that I shouldn't put too much value into materialistic things. I think.

    Might make "Big Sally With The Guns" my Chief of Staff. If he can pass the background check. I don't want to be the first president with questionable characters in his cabinet. How would that look?

  30. #30
    I GOT CHA MR.PRESIDENT[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]33.50 I'M GONNA THROW A BENIFIT IN YOUR HONOR TO RAISE THIS IMPORTANT MONEY,AND AFTER YOU'RE ELECTED YOU CAN RAISE TAXES TO COVER IT[HEHE]NOW I'M GONNA HAVE GREASY GRADY FIX UP ONE OF HIS[SPECIAL MEALS]AND FOLKS ARE GONNA GET SICK..[EVERYBODY DOES]BUT INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM,I'M GONNA HAVE THE BEST DOCTOR IN DA HOOD..[DR.STEFASCOOP AND HIS LIVE IN NURSE LULU]SET UP A FIRST-AID TENT OUT IN BACK AND SELL BARF BAGS[CASH ONLY]AND I'LL HAVE CRIM-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..CORPORATE SPONSORS COLLECT AND IN NO TIME THE CASH WILL BE FLOWN TO YOU BY EXPRESS CARRIER BUZZARDS..[no taxes will be collected because it's cash only]DON'T WORRY BOUT A THING MR.PRESIDENT I'M WORKING IN YOUR HONOR,AND EVERY RESOURCH IN DA HOOD IS AT YOUR DISPOSAL..[it's better to dispose of these things as soon as possible]AND DON'T EVER WORRY ABOUT A CONGRESSIONAL INVESTIGATION INTO YOUR ACTIVITIES..[there are places in da hood where documents just sorta vanish]AND NO QUESTIONS ARE ASKED,I HAVE A LAW FIRM FOR SUCH THINGS-SHREDD IT & EM,ESQ.-IT'S YOUR TIME NOW MR.PRESIDENT SO RUN...[but don't get caught]!!

  31. #31
    Your service to our great nation will not be forgotten. I'm going to change the name of Maryland to Jailand. I don't know who Mary is anyway, so if she doesn't like it, let her run for president. (If she thinks that's a good idea, I'll have her meet "Big Sally With The Guns" to express to her how difficult it is to live [derp] I mean handle the stress associated with running against a guy who's as popular as I am. But maybe you can meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have us a ball today. And if she doesn't like me changing the name of her state, you can tell her "Mary, don't you weep." We all know how Proud Mary can be.

  32. #32
    Sniff,sniff,i'm deeply touched mr.president,and after you annex the northpole can i have santas old place and i'll have those elves working overtime to serve your administration.

  33. #33
    Sophafornia. I like it. Soph Diego, Sophifornia - even better!

  34. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by sophisticated_soul View Post
    Sophafornia. I like it. Soph Diego, Sophifornia - even better!
    You got it. Just make sure I get that $1.49. And that Larry and Floyd sing in harmony. Can't have a couple of burping bullfrogs on my big day. I'm gonna locate my Western White House in Soph Angeles. Just make sure they don't provide sanctuary for the elves I run out of the North Pole, which I'll annex for my Winter White House.

  35. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry Oz View Post
    You got it. Just make sure I get that $1.49. And that Larry and Floyd sing in harmony. Can't have a couple of burping bullfrogs on my big day. I'm gonna locate my Western White House in Soph Angeles. Just make sure they don't provide sanctuary for the elves I run out of the North Pole, which I'll annex for my Winter White House.
    The check is in the mail. With the Western White House so close, I will be only one bribe away. I'm looking for a cabinet position, perhaps the second shelf center. Don't worry about the elves, Cher is taking care of them. Harry and Floyd send their best.

  36. #36
    Great position for your cabinet. I might have shown myself to be a political neophyte in an interview today. Speaking to Agnes D. Chickenpocks of the Harold D. Goobers High School Gazette, she asked me if I gave any early thought to my cabinet and I told her that I really was thinking more about a cupboard. I didn't know why she giggled until I saw it in print. Thankfully, Big Sally With The Guns was able to pay her a visit and hold her out a window until [derp] convince her to write a retraction and a heartfelt apology in the next issue. That guy has his uses.

  37. #37
    Big Sally is alright. We used to go 'round the roses together, in his Mustang.

  38. #38
    Yeah, that looked a lot like my old Mustang. It was stolen the night that I apparently hooked up with Bormee Samuels. I saw Big Sally driving his Mustang a couple days later and when I asked where he bought it, he answered "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

    I laughed because he's such a gasser. But he didn't laugh with me.

    "What are you laughing at?" he asked.
    "You," I answered. "You're funny."
    "I'm funny how?" he queried.
    "Just you know you're funny," I answered.
    "You mean, let me understand this ... cuz I ... maybe it's me, maybe I'm a little flocked up maybe," he said. "I'm funny how, I mean funny, like I'm a clown? I amuse you. I make you laugh? I'm here to flockin' amuse you? Whattya you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?"
    I said "I don't know just ... you know how you tell the story. What?"
    Sally said "No, no I don't know. You said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the flock am I funny? What the flock is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what's funny?"

    It was right then that his number was called (we both happened to be at the Department of Motor Vehicles to get our drivers licenses) and I think he forgot about me when the lady at the desk asked him to take an eye test. Apparently, Big Sally likes eye tests even less than he likes being told about how funny he is. Never found out where he got the Mustang, though.

  39. #39
    Yeah Sally don't do funny, especially if you push your nose to the side with your finger at the same time. That's pretty much a 'set one less plate for dinner tonight'. Sally doesn't even like the song "Funny How Time Slips Away" even though we all know it really, really does. And I seem to be really, really preoccupied with time slipping away these days. Where the hell did my life. . . babble. . . babbl

  40. #40
    Preach. If I'd known then what I now know, I'd have moved to Mars years ago. Of course, with my luck, there'd be a gang of xenophobic right-wing Martians stirring up a rumpus and suggesting that they need to build a wall or something. But that's where the hoogh... houche... huush.

    I'll complete this post when I wake up. If you like rum and Cokes, drink them. Don't mix your Coke with hoosh... Don't imbibe.

  41. #41
    MR.PRESIDENT[THAT HAS A NATURAL RING TO IT]I HAVE A SMALL IDEA TO HELP YOU SAVE THIS COUNTRY AS YOU'RE WORKING HARD TO DO..[and pick up a few bucks on the side sir]AFTER YOUR ELECTION..[JUST A FORMALITY]IF YOU MIGHT CONSIDER CHANGING THE NATIONAL BIRD TO..BUZZARDS...[THEY CARRY AND DELIVER THIS WONDERFUL ELIXUR EVERYWHERE]..[and sometimes nowhere]AND BEING BUZZARDS THEY HAVE NO SCRUPLES ALSO THEY GET IN AN OUT FAST,UNLIKE THOSE GOODY TWO SHOES EAGLES..[always posing in front of the flag]BUZZARDS ARE LOYAL TO CASH ONLY AND AFTER YOUR ELECTION[JUST A FORMALITY]YOU'LL HAVE ALL THE CASH,YOU WON'T NEED ANY[NAVY SEALS]MR.PRESIDENT JUST SEND IN THOSE MERCENARY BUZZARDS AND THE JOB WILL BE DONE AND NO TRACE OF ANYTHING..[YOUR NAME STAYS CLEAN]AS NOBODY KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE..EVEN I DON'T KNOW,BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT EAGLES LIVE IN PHILLY AND GO TO FOOTBALL GAMES,AS YOUR BUZZARDS LIVE IN SECRECY READY TO STRIKE AT A MOMENTS NOTICE..[AND CASH]..JUST A SMALL IDEA FRONT A LOYAL AMERICAN IN YOUR SERVICE!!

  42. #42

  43. #43
    Wow what a training film mr.president,inspiration to us all..what a country club!

  44. #44
    Mr.president,if i may offer another small move to help you get this country going again,easter monday is coming and instead of rolling out eggs,let those brats and their parents roll the eggs to you[filled with cash]this will help cover any charges for anything you might think up sir,just a small idea for your invigoration mr.president..what a country club!!

  45. #45
    Better yet, we'll have a silent auction. Everybody is required to bid a percentage of their yearly income and the top bidder in every state is going to be allowed to pay no taxes for 20 years. The second placed bidder will go tax free for 10 years and the third place bidder pays no taxes for five years. Minimum bid will be 5%. It'll get the rabble excited to know that their president cares enough to make such a generous offer. It'll be like a lottery and so many people waste their money on lotteries, they'll be more than happy to throw their money my way. If it makes everybody happy, I'll take a pay freeze for my first two years in office (I care about the budget).

    I mean, what's not to like about that?

  46. #46
    BRILLIANT,THIS COUNTRY IS IN GOOD SHAPE WITH YOUR ECONOMIC IDEAS MR.PRESIDENT...I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE ONE DOLLAR BILL SIR,AND TO KEEP THE ECONOMY MOVING WHY NOT PUT YOUR PICTURE ON IT..[I mean ol G.W. had his turn and besides,he didn't even have a computer]IT'S A NEW DAY AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE SPENDS A DOLLAR THEY HAVE TO PAY A SURCHARGE[IN YOUR HONOR]TO HELP THIS COUNTRY GROW..OH SAY-75% FOR EVERY DOLLAR SPENT,A SMALL PRICE TO PAY TO KEEP YOU IN OFFICE..[and perhaps they can still spend those old bills with ol George on the front,but they will only be worth a penny]EXCITEMENT IS IN THE AIR!!

  47. #47
    I have a better idea. Instead of dollar bills, I'm going to have the treasury issue $1.50 bills. But they'll only be worth $1.40. And you can't get change back for them; the change automatically goes to me. That way, I get at least a dime every time they're used and if you use one to buy something that costs $1.08 (for example), I'll get .42. That way, people won't have to worry about me grifting like You-Know-Who when he takes weekly "vacations" and pays himself by having the Secret Service and his staff stay at his properties.

    Can't call me greedy. I'm a man of the people.

  48. #48
    ANOTHER INSPIRATIONAL BIT OF PRESIDENTIAL BRILLIANCE,IF I MAY ADD SOMETHING..WHY NOT HAVE YOUR STATUE BUILT NOW,BUT KEPT IN A LOCKED LOCATION ON THE MALL AND ANYTIME SOME SUCKER-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..SOME CITIZENS WANT A GLANCE THEY HAVE TO A SMALL FEE..[SAY OH 5.00]TO GLANCE AT YOUR GREATNESS...[of course all money comes directly to you]!

  49. #49
    Not a bad idea. But it makes me seem kind of vain, if I should be honest. I'm actually thinking about something a little more down to Earth. Instead of a stature or presidential painting, I'm going to have the roofs of all the houses in 20 x 20 block areas of every major population center painted in colors so they collectively resemble my face when viewed from airplanes. It'll give Americans confidence to see their leader memorialized in a fashion that's Biblical in scope. It's the least that I can do. To show that my ego is in check, we'll paint the roofs to resemble the same photo that'll be on the $1.50 bill. No need to take extra photos and make others feel self-conscious.

  50. #50
    Wonderful,wonderful...ol tricky dick would be proud!!

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