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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...JERRY THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT...[no one else could be so demented that he actually understands grady's demented moves and can actually explain em]AND HAVE THEM ACTUALLY ALMOST MAKE SENSE..THIS COUNTRY NEEDS YOUR LEADERSHIP...[i'm mailing a check for 35cents to your headquarters today]RUN JERRY RUN!!!
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Wow. Speaking of fish grease, have you had one of Grady's Bluegill sliders yet? I had some yesterday and they were pretty tasty. I also thought I was having some of his crawdad appetizers but when I reached to pick one up, they started walking off my plate. When I complained, Grady tried to charge me extra, saying that they were lobsters and not crawdads. I had to drop my threat of a lawsuit when he was going to hit me up with the extra $1.15. Say what you will, the man knows his seafood. Speaking of which, Lil Bits was there for the see food special. That's where she'll eat food if she see food and once she slipped into her food coma, Grady had to bring the forklift in to move her out to the street. That forklift was making straining sounds that reminded me of the scooters from Memorial Day [[I felt sooo bad for it, I wanted to give it a hug). I asked Grady what the secret was to his bluegill sliders and he didn't want to tell me although he did confess that instead of mayonnaise, he uses congealed fish grease for his tartar sauce. I tried it at home and the grease ruined my spoon and my bowl. So for now, if you want the best bluegill sandwich on the continent, you gotta stop by the hood to get it.
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pssssssssssss..over here jerry,i don't wanna type too loud because if others read what i'm about to reveal to you this post might get pulled by the health department...go over to the-[all forums]and look under sub forums and you'll see where grady gets his..seafood,but i warn you it's not for the weak of heart or stomach]!!
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And judging from the reaction I had the last time, it's not for the weak of sphincter either. Tried to chase it down with some Pepto-Bismol but when it realized what I planned, it wouldn't pour out of the bottle. I thought I discovered some sort of undiscovered natural phenomenon and called the university science division. They were excited to learn that there was something that could alter the laws of gravity but when I told them where it happened, they said they already knew about that happening at Grady's, don't call here ever again and hung up. Apparently, one of the greatest natural disasters in history occurred when one of their teams decided to celebrate a great discovery at Grady's and was never quite the same again. Apparently they went on Thursday at happy hour, AKA Greasy Grady's Bluegill and Hooch Happy Hour. And that was a yuge mistake... Those scientists are now my main competition when I stand on the corner and squeegee windshields.
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YEP,HE HAS THAT EFFECT ON MOST...[legend has it that nobody in grady's family has actually died,they just eat one last meal and go into a deep coma and are kept in a secret family crypt somewhere deep in the bowels of da hood,where nobody and i mean nobody goes]!!
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Whoops. Don't mention Greasy Grady and bowels. He has a habit of upsetting those and if your's aren't ready to pop up through your throat or out of your butt, he takes it as a sign that he didn't fix you the meal you deserve. I saw a guy who didn't get sick once until he saw Grady grab a butcher knife and attempt ritual suicide [[Grady saw it once in an old Japanese samarai flick and always thought it was neat). The guy insisted on eating one of Grady's Super Spicy Buffalo Moose Elk and Reindeer Chicken wings, which nobody's ever been able to survive. He didn't survive either and Grady was happy to learn that he had not lost his touch. He offered to cater the funeral for 6% off his regular catering fees but the family rudely filed a restraining order against him.
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pssssssssssssss,jerry,over here...quiet as it's kept the funeral homes love grady..he's responsible for 99.9% of their business,but nobody can really prove anything..nobody living that is,legend has it that the funeral directors eat there because the formaldahyde they inhale is actually the only thing that protects their systems from the side effects of grady's menu!
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Go there,don't go there spend this on that no don't do it cost too much,run over there no walk it takes too much energy to run i wanna climb up that ant hill but i'm afraid of heights besides all the lights are off...i think that all the ants are asleep..oh hi gang-just babblin!!
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SIR,OUR PLAN IS WORKING,ONE CANDIDATE HAS DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE..[grady has struck again]AND MORE TO COME...YOU'LL BE PRESIDENT BY XMAS..[after all those stomachs are pumped and all the confusion,you can just slip right on in]BESIDES YOU'LL BE THE ONLY ONE HEALTHY ENOUGH TO HOLD OFFICE,LET ME OFFER MY CONGRATS NOW SIR-TEN MORE YEARS-TEN MORE YEARS!!
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Great news! I'm looking forward to grabbing this country. I mean, grabbing the reins of leadership. Grady's going to factor largely in my defense department. I'm going to use his chili as a biological agent. I'll feed a handful of al Kaders his chili and send them back to their hideouts and it'll be like that Raid bomb. Five hours after eating his beans and they'll create their own poison gas that'll have 'em rushing outside for fresh air and that's when we'll nab the bass turds. They'll practically beg us for Beano and we won't give it to them unless they tell us what we want to know. It's foolproof, I tell you! As long as Greasy Grady keeps his grease greasy, he's gonna be the inventor of the greatest game changing weapon of all time and I'm gonna be the nob who had the guts to use it. I love myself sometimes.
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WONDERFUL SIR,MORE GENIUS ON YOUR PART,YOU ARE THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS THAT THE STUFF IN GRADY'S KITCHEN IS FAR MORE POTENT THAN ANYTHING THE C.I.A. OR THE MILITARY HAS,WHY JUST THE FUMES COULD WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE[ISIS]GANG IN A COUPLE HOURS..SIR AFTER YOU'RE ELECTED[just a mere formality]YOU MAY WANT TO AWARD THE CONGRESSIONAL METAL OF HONOR TO HIM,THIS COUNTRY IS IN GOOD HANDS WITH YOU AT THE HELM SIR-TEN MORE YEARS-TEN MORE YEARS!!
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We will see. Grady might be a liability though. I asked him if he was registered and he said that his liver and noodles casserole was registered as a legal weapon in nine states. I told him I wanted to know if he voted and he said he bolted every time the board of health visited his joint. I think we might have a comprehension problem. I tried to change the subject and asked him what his favorite movie was and he said it was Alien. I wondered why and Grady said that when that thing popped out of the guy's chest, it reminded him if the first time he ate his wife's Teriyaki pigs feet which she's no longer permitted by law to make. He changed the recipe to sweet and sour chittlins [[a favorite at non-kosher pot lucks down south) and so far nobody has been able to trace it back to him. Grady's Chinese menu is not for the faint of gut.
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SO SIR,HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGHT AS TO WHO WILL BE YOUR RUNNING MATE? YOUR VICE PRESIDENT..[or the sucker who'll take the fall if things go bad,hehe]I'M SURE THAT THERE MUST BE SEVERAL CANIVING-OPPS-ER-AHEM-HEHE..CANDIDATES JUST WAITING FOR THAT LUCKY CALL,IF I MAY SUGGEST THAT MAYBE A FEMALE CANDIDATE SHOULD BE CONSIDERED...[that way if she takes the fall,after she gets through hollering harassment and all those women's movement folks marching on the capital,you'll be far far away]I HAVE SOMEONE IN MIND SIR,FROM RIGHT HERE IN DA HOOD-BETHSHERMA BIGGMOUTH-THIS LADY HAS THE GIFT OF GAB..SHE ONCE HAD TO APPEAR BEFORE A TOUGH JUDGE IN A CHILD CUSTODY CASE...[she was tryin to dump the kid on one of her baby daddys]WELL AFTER SHE TESTIFIED FOR TWELVE HOURS THE JUDGE WAS SO MIXED UP THAT HE ADOPTED THE CHILD HIMSELF AND RETIRED FROM THE BENCH AND AWARDED HER 100.00 DOLLARS,SHE MAY BE THE ONE TO RUN WITH YOU SIR...[legend has it that she was born with two vocal chords]I'LL HAVE SOMEONE CALL HER IF I CAN FIND ANYONE WITH THAT MUCH TIME..TEN MORE YEARS-TEN MORE YEARS!
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Ooh, hold off on calling Bethsherma Biggmouth. I once walked her from the bar to the bus stop [[two blocks away) and when my ear stopped bleeding, it swolled up like a cauliflower. I went to the ear doctor and when he cut my ear to get a sample of the scar tissue some of her jabbering escaped and drove the poor guy nuts. He charged his own mental health care to my insurance and now I'm being sued for double dipping. I was told it was an easy claim to defend but I have to contact Huey Dewey [[of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe) and pay a retainer of $85 before he'll take the case. I don't have $85 right now. I just hit at the casino but it was only for $45,000 and the Cadillac Escalade I'm buying costs $44,950. Don't see where I'm going to be able to pay the lawyer unless I can get some of these dumb girls to avoid calling Child Support if I'm a few months late on anteing up for the rest of this year [[and half of next). If they just slow their roll, I can take the money I owe for my kids and try to hit again at the casino now that I'm on a roll. I'll have my buddy Dudizza Biggoon take video of me playing the wheel so they can see me having fun and then I'll post it to my Facebook page so they can see that it's not like I wasted the money. I wouldn't do that [[I take care of my kids). I mean I bought a 24 pack of diapers just two weeks ago and gave each of my kids two. That has to count for something but no... Jerry gotta be the bad guy just because he doesn't stop by to see his kids or pay their bills. It's not like I work. Geez. Might need to have the Secret Service pay them a few visits before I take office. No wonder I never made it in life.
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OK SIR,I CAN SEE WHERE HAVING BETHSHERMA WOULD BE SOMEWHAT OF A PROBLEM,WELL THAT LEAVES[LILBITS I.M.STILLHUNGRY]NOW SHE DOESN'T TALK MUCH SIR..[in fact I've never heard her utter a word]BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HER MOUTH ISN'T MOVING,SHE'S ALWAYS CHEWING..[sir you would have to add oh say twenty acres of farm land to the rear of the presidential residence]YOU SEE SIR NO GROCERY CHAIN IN THE COUNTRY WILL ADMIT HER SINCE TWO WENT UNDER SOME YEARS AGO WHEN LILBITS BOUGHT ALL THE MEAT AND POULTRY AND PAID WITH AN EXPIRED CHARGE CARD..[she's not allowed to carry cash because of her special dietary concerns she would actually have to carry ten thousand dollars cash per week to fed herself,and two banks went under trying to help her when she put her father's farm up as collateral but neglected to tell the banks that she ate all the crops and livestock which drove her father to drink and leave the country in disgrace and malnurished,when they came to claim the land all they found were dirt fields and a half eaten tumble weed.]YOU WOULD HAVE TO PASS A SPECIAL AMENDMENT JUST TO FEED HER,BUT SHE'LL NEVER BETRAY YOU FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN SHE'LL NEVER NOTICE YOU..WELL SIR JUST AN IDEA FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION AS I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THE BEST CANDIDATE FOR YOUR TICKET,THE COUNTRY[and most of da hood]IS BEHIND YOU-RUN JERRY,RUN!!!
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Lilbits might be a [[un)healthy scratch as a veep. Apparently she and Duufuss both eyeballed a package of Professor Porkly's BBQ Pork Rinds blowing on the breeze at the beach and when they both reached it at the same time, poor Big Sally The Guns was caught in between them. The mob had a special meeting and they changed his moniker to "Squished Sally With The Back Problems". Next time he goes to the beach, he's going to need someone with a spatula to flip him over when he wants to tan on the other side. It didn't help that there was only two pork rinds in the bag resulting in Duufuss and Lilbits having a battle that made Ali vs Frazier seem like two one-legged men in an a** kicking competition. It was quite a sight to see. When a reporter asked her if the fight was necessary, Lilbits refused to answer until he bought her a party sized bag of Professor Porkly's and a 12 liter of 8 Ball. And then when she finished them off, she determined she was hungry and refused to give the interview on a 5% empty stomach. Since then, the press has had her on embargo. So maybe I'll use her as my press secretary instead. They'll leave me alone.
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YOU KNOW BEST SIR,MOST OF DA HOOD IS BEHIND YOU EXCEPT FOR[LUCKY LANKEY'S CLIP JOINT-ERR-OPPS-AHEM-HEHE...GENTLEMAN'S EMPORIUM]HE CLAIMS THAT YOU MADE SEVERAL STOPS AT HIS BUSINESS FOR THE -UM WELL LET'S SAY THE FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP,AND HE CLAIMS THAT AFTER SEVERAL VERY PLEASANT EVENINGS WITH HIS FEMALE EMPLOYEES HE WASN'T PAID AND THE BUSINESS CARD YOU GAVE HIM IS NOT VALID IN THIS COUNTRY...[sir he claims that the republic of Boozinasia a small island in the south pacific is charging him for long distance calls]AND THE U.S.GOVERNMENT IS NOW LOOKING AT HIS BOOKS..[according to CNN-the government of Boozinasia is threatening to declare war on the U.S.]AND ONE HUNDRED WAR CANOES ARE STANDING BY WITH POISON SPEARS AIMED AT DA HOOD..MAYBE THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO MAKE A STATEMENT TO DIFFUSE THIS SITUATION,MAYBE A SIT DOWN WITH LUCKY LANKEY OR THE HEAD WITCH DOCTOR OF BOOZINASIA!
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Lucky is just mad because I reversed the charges after my "date" showed up with a bit of peach fuzz under her left armpit. I told him I wanted a small [[85%) discount and he put me on hold for a week. And that put me over for my cell minutes for the month and since I forgot to pay my bill the phone company tracked me down and took my bootleg iFone 6. Now I have to make up a new name to get a new device. By the way, I hope those pictures on the iFone don't find their way to the inter web. They are potentially campaign impacting if we can't move past this me too movement. And the chief of Boozinasia is just mad because 80% of their tourist money was based on sales of T-shirts with their slogan "Me and my Boo make boozy boo boos in Boozinasia, Booboo" and when I saw that they had not copyrighted the phrase, I swooped in and did it myself so now I take 50% off the top and they're in a recession. But don't blame me, blame international copyright laws, am I right?
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SIR,YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT,AND I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU...[but until this is cleared up I'll stand a little further back]UMM,SIR YOU MAY WANT TO KNOW THAT A DELEGATION OF LITTLE MEN, DRESSED IN GRASS SKIRTS WITH BONES STICKING OUT OF THEIR NOSES AND VERY SERIOUS EXPESSIONS ARE STANDING OUTSIDE YOUR HEADQUARTERS...[sir all of them have spears and little wooden dolls full of pins]JUST A SUGGESTION SIR BUT IT MIGHT BE WISE FOR YOU TO STAY CLEAR OF THIS PLACE UNTIL YOU SPEAK TO THE CHIEF OF-BOOZINASIA,NOW I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN ANYTHING AS SILLY AS CURSES...[I didn't either sir...until one of the witch doctors tuned the pitbull you have out in front into a mouse]YOU MAY WANNA INCREASE SECURITY SIR!!!
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Thanks for the warning <whew!! That was close> I dropped a box of Professor Porkly's Buffalo Flavored Pork Rinds out the window and they took the bait. Those things are so hot, they've been taken off the market in every city outside of Oakland. I was hoping that it wouldn't take long to work and sure enough, within two minutes their eyes started watering and they all rushed to use the bathroom. Of course, the nearest bathroom is in the back of my headquarters and the only way to get in is to borrow the key that's chained to the cinder block from Chunky who works behind the counter. And Chunky won't lend the key unless you buy at least five gallons of gas. I used the opportunity to run down and get the witch doctor and the chief to sign a cease and desist order [[in addition to giving me another 20% of profits from the t-shirts) and Chunky was kind enough to give them the key. Of course, the cinder block was so heavy the first one didn't make it to the back and the station owner's upset with me. But I stole a shop vac from one of my neighbors and told him he could keep it after he cleaned the poo and now he's happy. I don't think it's a problem because my neighbor used to complain about how much that shop vac sucked anyway and if it was so bad, he probably should have thrown it away. Boozinasia won't be a problem anymore because those pork rinds are highly addictive and if they threaten to come back, I'm gonna cut off their supply and they'll all go through withdrawal. I'm in like Flynn. [[I wouldn't really cut the supply, by the way because I sell 50 cent bags to them for $1.25 [[plus shipping) and I'd be stupid to cut that off.) Let me know if you want a t-shirt.
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OH,THAT EXPLAINS WHY THEY'RE EYES WERE BLOODSHOT AND WATERING,AND WHY THEY COULDN'T STAND STILL WHILE MUMBLING[where's the key-where's the key]I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS JUST A NATIVE CHANT BUT AFTER YOUR BRILLIANT EXPLANATION..[and escape]IT ALL MAKES SENSE..ONCE AGAIN SIR YOU'VE PROVEN THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY CANDIDATE TOUGH ENOUGH..[and slippery enough]TO SURVIVE THE SLING AND ARROWS...[and spears]OF THE POLITICAL JUNGLE TO LEAD THIS NATION,YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL SIR..RUN JERRY RUN!!!
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Now there's another problem. Apparently, the good people of Boozinasia use palm tree leaves to wipe themselves and also relieve themselves in a volcano. Since they didn't know what toilet paper or a privy were, they kind of made a mess in the bathroom. "Mess" being defined as the whole building is not considered to be a toxic waste site by the EPA and the owner is going to have to pay to clean it up. He's also going to shut the place for five years and I'm pretty sure the election is before that so now I need a new headquarters. That place gave me a great price for rent [[where else can I rent space for $40/month as long as I help fill in at the register when the cashier calls off sick?) and now I have to move. Might be for the best. It used to smell like gasoline and now it's like renting space in an elephant's colon so I guess it's time go get up an go. Crap! I mean literally, crap is everywhere now. It's all good though because my cousin moved into a bowling alley locker room a few weeks ago and I can use it as my headquarters as long as the owner doesn't find out we're there. As my uncle Chubster used to say, when one door opens, another one closes. Maybe I can work on my 65 pin handicap while I'm there.
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THAT'S INTERESTING SIR,GRADY'S HAS MADE THE...[UNHEALTHY TOXIC LIST] EVERY YEAR SINCE HE'S BEEN IN BUSINESS AND NOBODY HAS FIGURED OUT HOW TO SHUT HIM DOWN YET,MOST YEARS HE'S NO.1...BUT IF YOU NEED A NEW HEADQUARTERS SIR,DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF DA HOOD RIGHT BEHIND THE PART OF THE CEMETARY THAT STILL HAS BODIES PILED UP UNTIL THEY GET SOME SPACE THERE'S A SMALL PLOT OF LAND...[well sir it's more of a swamp with real quick sand and alligators]BUT THEY'RE WELL BEHAVED,NOW I KNOW THE OWNER AND I CAN SPEAK TO HIM ON YOUR BEHALF..OLD MAN CRANKNECK,[he was hung twice and survived,the second time the rope broke so the judge throw him and the case out of court]HE COULD USE SOME CASH,SAY OH 20.00 A MONTH SHOULD KEEP HIM AND THE GATORS AT BAY..NOW SIR WHEN YOU MEET HIM LOOK AT HIM SIDEWAYS BECAUSE HE CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU IF YOU DON'T AND HE'S QUICK TEMPERED OH AND SIR YOU MAY HAVE TO LEARN[CAJUN]THAT'S ALL HE SPEAKS,NOW YOU MAY NEED SOME LONG RUBBER BOOTS AND A MAP ON WALKING IN QUICKSAND WHICH MY SECOND COUSIN FOUR TIMES REMOVED CAN SELL YOU FOR A GOOD PRICE..HE'S ALSO A REGISTERED VOTER,RUN JERRY,RUN!!
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I was dusting in the basement the other day,and came upon a family of dust bunnies,they were so cute just rolling along with the poppa dust bunny leading the way and the others following close behind,dust bunnies stay close so as not to get lost because once separated it's hard for them to find one another and families get broken up which is sad i mean have you ever come across a baby dust bunny looking for it's momma? Anyhow i released the dust i had because they may have been relatives of the ones on the move and i ain't breaking up no family!!
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You're a swell fella to be sure. I ran across a family of actual bunnies yesterday. I would have felt bad but they were in the middle of the road do it's not like I have something against bunnies. Well, except for the one my wife caught me with a couple of weeks ago. It was a huge misunderstanding. I was only asking her for directions to the ATM [[I funny know why she was drunk, naked and in my bedroom) but since she was there already, I was gonna pump her for information. Seriously, I had to make my wife feel guilty for doubting me before she took my word that I did not have sexual relations with that woman. If the bunny turns up pregnant, I might have some splainin' to do but I bought myself a couple of missed periods before I have to worry about it. I'm halfway convinced that I shouldn't play with bunnies anymore but they're sooo cute when they're drunk.
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And I'm looking into that swamp deal as soon as the cops kick me and my cousin out of the bowling alley. I am cool with Cajuns too. In fact I went to Grady's Ragin' Cajun Night last week. I'm not sure he is very good with swamp cuisine because I ordered fish and it tasted like his regular fish. When I asked if it should not be blackened, he grunted, took it back to the kitchen and burned it [[charging me another five bucks). When I protested and told him the sign outside said that Tuesday nights were supposed to be all that you can eat for one low price, he told me the sign was right and the little bit on my plate was all that I could eat unless I paid a higher price. He threatened to withhold the bromo if I didn't pipe down and pay my bill do I was kind of in a bad situation. Might have to make him my chief of staff if I can get over my fear of him.
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HEHEHEHE...GOOD CHOICE SIR,EVERYBODY IN DA HOOD IS AFRAID OF GRADY EXCEPT LILBITS,NOW AS FOR YOUR ISSUE WITH BUNNIES SIR YOU'RE JUST A BIT CONFUSED WHAT YOU NEED ARE EASTER BUNNIES..[they keep their clothes on and only give up easter eggs]YOU SEEM TO HAVE RUN INTO..[BED BUNNIES]WHICH IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT BREED...[actually a white livered offshoot]NOW THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT ONE BREED HOPS ALONG THE BUNNY TRAIL WHILE IN YOUR CASE THE OTHER WILL HOP INTO BED,BE CAREFUL SIR AS THESE BUNNIES ARE VERY PLAYFUL[wink-wink]AND LOVE TO POPULATE..BUT THEY ARE CUTE AND CUDLY..OH BY THE WAY SIR THERE'S A LITTLE TYKE HERE NAMED-JERRY THE FIFTH,AND HE'S ASKING FOR YOU-DO I GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER??
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No!! He's the fifth Jerry the Fifth this week and I'm getting a little tired of it. I mean, yeah, I was drunk pretty much every day in college and I all but moved into the women's dorm but there's no way all of these brats are actually mine. I mean, technically, it's possible but I can't be held liable for something I did when I was 18 [[through 56). It's youthful indiscretion and I deserve a mulligan. Tell the kid that I am not THAT Jerry Oz. I'm actually a guy who took that guy's name after we sailed across the ocean to help those hungry kids in China my mom used to tell me to think about when she served her famous chicken heart and sugar beets casserole and we ran out of food on the boat. Sure, we were taking 12 years of chicken heart and sugar beets casseroles to the kiddos but I wasn't going to eat that crap. So barbecued Jerry Oz jumped on the menu. I took his name out of respect for the fact that I got less gas from him than the casserole. None of that is true, but I want the kid to think that I died a hero. I mean, his dad died a hero. And tell him that if he or his mom contacts me, I'm going to sue them into the Stone Age. I mean, even the president doesn't get paid enough to support *counts* 53+ [[at last count) ankle biters. If word gets out that I'm easy, I'll never get Marilyn Monroe to stop by the Whites House after I'm elected and it won't have been worth it.
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I GOT IT SIR,THESE WOMEN ARE SCANDELOUS TODAY SIR,AND NOW THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO WIN THE HIGHEST OFFICE IN THE LAND THEY ALL WANT A PIECE...[of your fame sir,hehe]UMM SIR WHAT DO WE DO WITH ALL THESE-DNA TEST THAT KEEP LANDING AT YOUR HEADQUARTERS...[and all are marked-positive]IN BOLD LETTERS,I'LL KEEP YOU INFORMED OF ANY NEW DEVELOPEMENTS SIR!
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Glad you asked! Have someone take a ballpoint pen and write a period between the last "r" and the "y" in "Jerry". That way, we can say it was addressed to Jerr. Y. Oz and since nobody knows who the heck that is, we were correct to toss them in the trash. I might have gotten kicked out of law school [[since I was never admitted) but I know that if they don't address it to the right guy, then I have the right to ignore it. I think. Anyway, since my old headquarters seems to have developed a toxic cloud in the last day or so, maybe I should have you send them there because the paper will dissolve and there'll be no evidence that I ever got it. Yah, that's the ticket. I kind of feel sorry for the mailman who will deliver it but I'll give him a monument on the Mall when I'm elected if I find out his family voted for me. I am indeed a man of some of the people.
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SIR IT'S AMAZING HOW YOU THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF THESE ROADBLOCKS PUT THERE BY THE COMPETITION TO STOP YOU,SIR ALL THE HUSTLERS-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..ALL THE BUSINESS MEN IN DA HOOD LOOK UP TO YOU AS AN EXAMPLE OF TRUE GRIT...[and slick slight of hand]AS A MATTER OF FACT THE PIMPS-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..THE GENTLEMEN OF THE NIGHT ASSOCIATION IS GIVING A BASH IN YOUR HONOR AT A TIME TO BE NAMED...[as soon as they make bail]THIS IS GONNA BE THE EVENT OF THE POLITICAL SEASON IN DA HOOD-SHYSTERS-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..SOCIETY MEMBERS FROM ALL CORNERS OF DA HOOD WILL BE THERE TO HONOR YOU SIR,I'LL KEEP YOU INFORMED!
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I am there. I am a man of the peeps and I will stand with them through thick and thin. Just make sure nobody takes any pictures. I saw what the internet and a long memory did to Joe Biden in that last debate and I don't think it'll go over well with my suburban big money donors to see me with pimps, pushers, hos and street people since half of those racist mofos think I all of the above. As soon as I'm in the Whites House, I'm going to make suburbs illegal. Ummm... Do you suppose anybody from the suburbs reads these posts? I might have to start posting in a coded language.
Hmmm...
Enwhay Iay inway ethay esidencypray, I'may onnagay akemay uburbsay legalillay. Eahyay, at'sthat ethay icketay!
Can't be too careful.
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NO PICS WILL BE TAKEN...[now we can't do anything about those F.B.I.-INTERNAL REVENUE guys in the bushes]SIR YOU MAY WANT TO WEAR SOMETHING DIFFERENT...[say oh a big bush wig and dark glasses]JUST TO PROTECT YOUR IMAGE SIR.
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Oh, don't worry about that. The current president has discredited the FBI so nobody's gonna believe them when they do anything ever again. Looks like he made ameriKKKa grate again.
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After you're in office sir,you should scatter them to the four winds.
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I'll reorganize them. I'm gonna change the membership to a bunch of bruhs that I can trust. Yeah, FBI is going to stand for "Fat Black & Ignorant" and we are gonna get some getback for all of that J. Edgar Hoover bullchip [[best believe).
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Good sir,and you can tear down that ugly building and put up a giant disco palace an rib joint.
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Ya know,it's funny that i can find a quiet room,but always rumbling in my mind-things going bump day an night,ideas flying by almost hitting me,images floating and sinking,and one cruel voice always commanding me to get up and do something..[my wife]of course i ignore that one,but it won't go away..it's madness i tell you madness...i'm gonna go over in the corner and stand on my head now,and all those mind things will get scrambled and by the time they get back up....i'll be sober but then they'll come back bugging me,or am i just buggin out over here oh well maybe i'll eat a freeze pop and freeze em out and when they thaw out i'll be far far away...yep the freezers of my mind...what a night!!!
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Sounds like things are going well over there. I'm having a rough go, myself. I've had people accusing me of farting at the mall all night. I don't have to take that crap. In fact, if I could take a crap, I wouldn't be farting at the mall all night. [[Who let Grady set up a stand in the food court? The line at the bathrooms is double wide and wrapped around the corner.) Anyway, I might have to tell the next loser off because I almost always say "excuse me" when I have gas and it's unfair for them to assume that it was me just beccause they turned around and I was the only person standing there. I probably would have told them off but I was busy trying to put a clothes pin on my nose. I would try your solution of standing on my head but I learned not to do that a couple of years ago when I had Grady's special 20 alarm chili to disastrous results. Let's just say that if you're eating at Grady's, don't bother wearing Depends because it doesn't depend, it's a "Heck No". Anyway, I was told not to go back to the mall but I'm probably going to wait until the guard who told me that goes home because I can't pass up buy one, get one free buzzard wings. Can't let this coupon go to waste.
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Wow,sir you give a new meaning to..run jerry run!!!