Jai, Delightful Delilah might not want to help. She crossed me off of her list a few years ago after I sued her for failure to perform. She met me on a street corner one night and told me she'd do anything I wanted for $50. Of course, I was interested so I made sure I understood the nature of her offer.
"Really? Anything I want, you will do for $50?", I asked.
"Yes, Daddy. Any nasty thing your mind can imagine," she replied.
"Oh, I can imagine some nasty things," I says and I gave her two 20s, a fiver, four ones and three quarters [[I owed her one).
"Your wish is my command," she said as she put the money into her purse. "What do you want?"
"For you to put a new roof on my garage," I told her. "If you can do it by Tuesday, I'll give you an extra 6% tip."
She walked away and never did the roof, so I sued her and got my $49.75 back. She doesn't like me a lot since then. So hard to get good service anymore.
And nativeNY63: Since I began soaking in tubs of cool water, my inaugural balls feel much better so I don't need as many beverages to work that situation out. But thanks! And Grady shipped me two thermos bottles of his homemade hard gatorade and I was able to pour it out before it dissolved the containers. Gave a pint to the guards and threw the other pint on the walls and - voila! - the bricks eroded and now I'm on the run. If I'm lucky, they'll suspect the liquor dissolved me along with the stones and won't come looking for me. And right on time because I have a campaign event tomorrow at Craig Crankshaft's Buy Here, Pay Here on Clarence Thomas Boulevard. I'm passing out face masks to show that I'm more attentive to the crisis than the current president. I might give all three of them away if enough people show up.
Thanks for the advice, gentlemen. If I'm gonna win, I'm gonna need your help and as much money as you can *ahem* obtain. Don't ask for a receipt because I can't be tied to shady activities if you choose to do any [[and if you don't, you should question your love for your country. America needs me.) Once again, this thing is gonna work!
Jerry Oz For President 2020: He'll Make Things Copacetic and America's Going To Bounce Like A Mofo
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