By the time you read this....??

[arr&bee]

Well today is a holiday so ain't much happenin here,now we know it's a holiday here but maybe someplace else too? Heck some other country could have something going on just like we do well maybe not just like but something anyhow i know most are cooking on the ol grill which is just like cookin on a new grill except the food tastes newer,but if you got an old grill don't worry you can still burn up stuff same as with a new grill know what i mean...of course you don't cause you ain't paying attention yet and it don't matter anyhow because by the time you read this it will be the next day and all the food will have been eaten already..[coulda saved me a burger]you all think i'm just ramblin on because i'm sitting here on this computer with nothing else to do except ramble on well maybe i do and maybe i don't that ain't none of your buiswacks anyhow so just stay with the subject matter at hand, don't look at me like that you just stay on point now the point being is that i'm sending out a sort of greeting yeah that's what it is to all of you reading this...[what do you mean you ain't reading this??]as i was saying well i'm not repeating what i was saying because i forgot and don't you worry about it anyhow because you should be reading this stuff anyhow and then you would know what i mean so now that i've cleared that up we can get back to the subject at hand which is the holiday which is where i came in..[you paying attention??]like i said all along is that somewhere someone or something is having a day like today just like it is here which is what i've been saying all along if you take the time to read what's written right here in front of you,but it don't matter because it will be the next day when you see this anyhow and you won't have a glue as to what i'm talking about,of course if any of you are reading this then you're nuttier than me because you should be outside cooking on the grill,heheheheheh...happy forth!!!

[soulster]

Sounds like someone stole Jai's hooch this morning. :)

[Jerry Oz]

I feel sleep in the fourth chapter of that post. On Monday, I'll pick up where I left off.

Can't wait to see how it ends...

[arr&bee]

Jerry,there's a quiz later.

[westgrandboulevard]

I have a feeling we may be working in the dark here.

Can someone tell me where the emergency exits are located?

[arr&bee]

There're closed.

[westgrandboulevard]

Along with the restrooms, and the windows, I suppose.

This audience is already captivated.....

[arr&bee]

After a sip of this wonderful elixur,you kidneys dry up you can close the restroom,and put a closet there,hehehe.

[Jerry Oz]

Wait, what? A quiz?! If it's not written in Ebonics, I'm suing for discrimination.

[soulster]

Wait, what? A quiz?! If it's not written in Ebonics, I'm suing for discrimination.

Donald Trump lobbied to keep the Spanglish version off the shelves.

[moe]

Hello detox? I think we have a problem here. Come right now.......

[Jerry Oz]

I saw where hooch was hitting the inner cities hard but had no idea how bad the problem was until this post...

[arr&bee]

WAIT A JUST A HOOCH SIPPIN MINUTE HERE,UMM JERRY WAHT DO YOU MEAN THAT HOOCH IS IN THE INNER CITY...[we have an inner city???]NO WONDER MY CASH FLOW HAS BEEN LATE,I'M DOWN HERE IN DA HOOD AND THERE'S AN[INNER CITY OUTHTHERE SOMEWHERE WITH MY MONEY...OK JERRY GET DOWN THERE AND FIND OUT WHO'S RIPPIN ME OFF...[HOW ABOUT THAT-THE INNER CITY...WHO KNEW????}

[westgrandboulevard]

I wish I'd brought some cookies.:[[

[arr&bee]

Me too,i'm hungry.

[westgrandboulevard]

I'll call someone and get them to push some under the door.

Err.....as we're all sat here, let's take stock.

There's a quiz later.
The doors are locked.
Moe has called the detox people....and we're getting hungry.

Remind me again. What are we waiting for?

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa,west we're just one big disfunsional family...what time are those detox folks coming i need my meds.

[Jerry Oz]

They tried to make me go to rehab. But I said 'no, no, no!'

[westgrandboulevard]

I'm so hungry, if they provide cookies in rehab, then I say 'yes, yes, yes!'....

[Jerry Oz]

Call Greasy Grady. He delivers.

[arr&bee]

Yeah he delivers...but he's got overhead and for what he will charge will be way over your head.

[Jerry Oz]

A good meal will stay on your mind long after you've eaten it and a dinner from Greasy Grady is the gift that keeps on giving. You get more than you pay for the meal. I paid $10 for an order of barbecue ribs but also wound up with botulism, high blood pressure, dry heaves, and night sweats.

[westgrandboulevard]

The servers dressed as medical staff should have given you a clue....

[moe]

Especially with their "bedside manner."

[Jerry Oz]

I should have known there was a problem when they made me sign a form that waived all legal responsibility for serving me my meal instead of simply giving me a receipt.

[arr&bee]

You gotta line your stomach with this wonderful elixur[it's the only known cure]jerry,you lucky cause greasy grady just got for that case of[bubonic ]he's so slick that he wanted to bring the black plegue back to da hood.

[Jerry Oz]

He's not a bad guy but his joint ain't exactly the cleanest in the hood. I once asked a waitress what a fly was doing in my glass of water and she replied: "Looks like the backstroke to me."

[arr&bee]

Yep,like the time a customer asked him why the hamburger rolls had moving things on top,his answer..dancing seseme seeds.

[Jerry Oz]

Or when he put blue cheese on my salad when I asked for cheddar. 'That is cheddar', he said. What an innovator! Blue [[or rather green) cheddar cheese...

[arr&bee]

Or like the time he served[fresh???]salad with little yellow flowers,well the flowers were from the dandalions he [borrowed???]from someone's yard.

[Jerry Oz]

Or the time I asked him when he started serving escargot and if the snails should still be moving on my plate. He didn't know about any snails but said that he'd have to charge extra if I ate them.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaa,that greasy grady is a hoot..like the time the health department was gonna close him down for having roaches, and he said that they were paid to watch the place.

[Jerry Oz]

I shoulda known to avoid him when I went to his web page and got a virus before I got one from eating his food.

[arr&bee]

Hey jerry,he charges extra for viruses.

[Jerry Oz]

As I found out. The only way that I got away with not paying it was because they needed to check my stool to detect the virus and I didn't poop for a month after eating 'Greasy Grady's Signature Mac 'n Cheese'. He's the only restaurateur who uses government cheese in his dishes.

[arr&bee]

I knew shady grady was crooked when he would pass out[barf bags]after every meal,of course he'd charge you for em.

[arr&bee]

i knew shady grady was crooked when he would pass out[barf bags]after every meal,of course he'd charge you for em.opps did i say[shady]that's his father and another story..i meant greasy!!

[Jerry Oz]

I knew Shady! He wasn't very bright.

[arr&bee]

That's why he worked at night to put little greasy through cooking school[sniff,sniff]kinda gets you in the heart.

[Jerry Oz]

It got me in the heart, to be sure. I required triple bypass surgery to get over eating a plate of Greasy Grady's chittlins.

[arr&bee]

Umm jerry i kinda hate to be the one to tell you this but...buzzards don't have chittlins.

[Jerry Oz]

Well they were good, whatever they were. Vinegar, hot sauce, salt and pepper [[not to mention cornbread) and there you go. Guts is guts.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,and it guts to eat at greasy grady's...in more ways than one...once there were some ants in his kitchen,when conplained he said...shhhh i had to hire em after the roaches quit.

[Jerry Oz]

Grady used roaches like miners use canaries. When they stop running around, he knows the hog maws are done.

[arr&bee]

Once greasy grady served some[pigs feet]and when the customer complained that the feet were still moving greasy told em to shut up be greatful he wasn't charging em for the live entertainment.

[westgrandboulevard]

That must be the same customer who complained his coffee tasted like mud.

Greasy Grady said "Of course it does. It was ground this morning!"

[Jerry Oz]

Grady is a hoot. A customer once asked him for a refund and he responded by giving her a quiz.
"What's left when you take the 'ice' it of 'ice cream'?" he asked.
"Cream?" she responded.
"Yes! Good answer!" Grady replied. "And what do you get by taking the 'water' out of 'watermelon'?"
"Melon..." she replied. "I think."
"Exactly! Melon! You're great at this!" Grady exhorted.
"Last question: What do you have when the 'stink' has been taken out of refund?"
She considered it for a moment. "Well, there's no 'stink' in refund", she said.
"Damn right, you are!" Grady shouted at her. "There is no stinkin' refund so get out of here before I have you tossed out."

[arr&bee]

Greasy is the only diner whose foods are banned in all fourty eight states and alaska and 99 countries around the world,legend has it that way back when greasy grady was starting out the pope of notre dame visited while passing through the hood on tour,well he made the mistake of actually eating something and by the time he returned to his land his back was hunched and for the rest of his days he lived in the bell tower..toiling as...the hunchback of notre dame.

[Jerry Oz]

That's sad. I heard about someone else from the same place who got the runs after Grady's vegetable soup. When he got back, they couldn't cure the diarrhea and he's now called the running back of Notre Dame.

[moe]

.........and running straight into my office!

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa...moe you're still the queen!!

[moe]

I am a star!!! Just ask my agent Mr. Westgrand, ESQ

[westgrandboulevard]

I'll have that delivered immediately in writing to Mr Arr&bee.

It just may be tricky finding his address.......:confused:

[Jerry Oz]

Just drop it off at the end of that alley in da hood. The delivery guy knows where it is.

[westgrandboulevard]

I wouldn't be using the usual delivery services.

Any communications sent on behalf of Ms. Moe, Superstar, direct to the hands of Mr Arr&bee, would require personal attention by armed guards.

[Jerry Oz]

Anything delivered to the end of the alley in da hood is going to require armed guards.

[westgrandboulevard]

It must be a tough area.

I'm told that any bird song which can be heard is actually relayed from a studio, way across town - and sunshine is only available on subscription.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa...west listen to jerry,he knows!!!

[Jerry Oz]

But a red rose grows there. It is a special one that's never seen the Sun.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...the only red rose you'll see there is out of a bottle!!!

[Jerry Oz]

I've seen a few red noses that came out of bottles. Thankfully, mine is not one of them.

[arr&bee]

Hey jerry,did they have[bond&sherry]wine in your hood back in the day? That stuff would kill you faster than eating at greasy grady's,no joke my uncle was one of it's victims.

[westgrandboulevard]

He was 98!

[arr&bee]

No he was[48]but his liver was-98.

[moe]

You sure it isn't Red Rose Tea?

[arr&bee]

No not the tea,this stuff would peel paint off a pirate ship.

[westgrandboulevard]

See if you can get me some. I have a few stubborn household stains....

[Jerry Oz]

And I have a couple of pirate ships with horrible decor. Thanks to their previous owners, of course...

[arr&bee]

I'm on my way to da hood as we speak, and i'll stop by the good dr.suspect who can whip up some strange stuff....this guy was kicked out of the morgue for being too extreme,this guy even gives me the creeps...oh this dude is the only person in da hood who eats at greasy grady's every day...and likes it...i'll have someone speak to him on your behalf...of course as always i'm not responsible for anything that might and most likely will happen!!!

[Jerry Oz]

I know that cat! We had a falling out when I interned at the morgue and he was my boss. One day I called him over because I heard country music playing out of a corpse's rectum. He asked why I bothered him with that and I told him that I found it strange that a dead body had "9 to 5" coming from its butt. He advised me not to bother him with such things. He was very rude. When I asked what his problem was, he turned and gave me the evil eye.

"Lots of assholes sing country music, Mr. Oz," he sneered. "I'm surprised to find out that you don't."

I quit the job that very minute.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaa..that's him!!

[Jerry Oz]

I always thought he had a personality defect and it was Greasy Grady's cooking the whole time. Maybe I should apologize to him for all of the times I turned off his alarm clock when he went to 'lunch' and left me with all the work while he napped. He'd wake up two hours after the shift ended and complain that he was working too hard. He took it as overtime, though.

[arr&bee]

Well jerry if you can believe this, it wasn't greasy's cooking,this guy was born without a personality so they say,he has his own key to the cemetary, we all give this guy a lot of space even in da hood this guy has like a half block all to himself,once i drove thru blasting my music,well by the time i got to the end of the block.....my radio was playing funeral music and talking in tongues,needless to say i drive around the block these days...there's also the matter of all that fog that surrounds his lab,a tough guy once sent his pitt in there to scare ol doc,but his pitt came out as a rat and meowing like a kitten..they say that even the bodies in the morgue shut up when he's there,this guy is king of the creeps.

[Jerry Oz]

I see. I'll bet that's why my James Brown 8-track changes from "Say It Loud [[I'm Black and I'm Proud)" to "Whisper Fool [[That Dude Is Out There)" when I drive by his crib. If he can scare James into being quiet, I'm gonna leave him be. Good to know...

[arr&bee]

And nobody can figure out why it rains over his lab and all that thunder and lightning...when the sun is shining!!!

[Jerry Oz]

What's with all those people carrying torches up the hill to his place? Are they having a block party that I don't know about?
http://www.lindaavey.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/angry-mob-at-frankenstein-castle.jpg

[arr&bee]

No,actually they're running away!!

[Jerry Oz]

I'd suggest they invest in a GPS or at least get the Google Maps app. They're going the wrong way after he ate a bowl of Greasy Grady's beans. They're bound to be gassed when they get there and those torches are going to light the place up...

[arr&bee]

Oh shoot, if he's eaten any beans from greasy we'd better clear out of here fast, jerry find a bunker about a thousand mile should be safe...i'm out!!!

[moe]

Probably the best bowel prep on the market, R&B. Get the rights to those beans & you may never have to worry about money again!

[arr&bee]

Moe,a bowl of beans from greasy grady's and you may not be around long enough to worry!!!

[Jerry Oz]

You haven't lived until you've tried Greasy Grady's Really Unique Navy [[bean) Soup. Yep, get a case of the RUNS from Greasy Grady and you may not live after it, either.

[arr&bee]

Of course,there is but one antidote...take a small spoonful of this wonderful elixur[it's the only known cure]take it two years before going to greasy grady's.

[westgrandboulevard]

I'd prefer to spend those two years getting as far away from Greasy Grady's as it is possible to get.:[[

[arr&bee]

Well i hope that you don't come to da hood,because the aroma is what gets em every time smells like the best food in the world,like the[cocanut cake]looks so good until you realize that the cocanuts are looking back at you.

[Jerry Oz]

Hmmm... According to the Physicians Desk Reference, that wonderful elixur protects against Greasy Grady's RUNS because your lucky to have a stomach after drinking a pint of it.

[westgrandboulevard]

If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Old Mother Nature is tough.

[Jerry Oz]

True. But I'm pretty sure it'll kill you. If you're smart, you'll chase the RUNS with this wonderful elixur [[or vice versa). They balance each other out.

[arr&bee]

Well remember i at least issue a warning those stupid enough..opps-err-ahem-hehe..those strong enough to drink this wonderful elixur,greasy grady has no such warning, oh and his delivery truck is a herst.

[Jerry Oz]

I guess your first clue should be the fact that his receipts all have a waiver of responsibility printed on the back. It's like when you go to a baseball game and you have to know and expect a foul ball might give you a concussion. With Greasy Grady, you need to know that he will not pay to clean your underwear or repair your marriage.

[arr&bee]

Umm jerry those will be the least of your problems....the vultures in front of the place should be a warning,oh an that old skinny guy who always sits in the back and never seems to move..might wanna take a closer look and that sign that reads...made with real rigor..that ain't an italian dressing ya dig,and have you ever seen sacks of potatoes that move...hmmmmm?????

[Jerry Oz]

Yah. And those vultures might account for how Greasy Grady can advertise having 'the biggest wings in town". Just two of those suckers will fill up a family of nine.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...jerry you got it...hey west greasy got a special on...fish an chips..but i might want to warn you those fish have six inch fangs,but if you survive greasy will serve the next meal on a clean plate...what a guy!!

[westgrandboulevard]

Ask him if he serves whale meat steaks.

If he does, then ask him if I can have the head, for my cat.

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...west i hope you don't bring that cat to da hood.

[westgrandboulevard]

I shall. I've seen the size of your rats and mice.....

[arr&bee]

Well they're kind of rare in da hood, greasy grady uses em to shall we say,to liven up his fresh cooked greens....and that cat of yours will be on the menu too if he ever brings his nine lives anywhere near greasy grady's fine establishment..greasy will cook all nine of em and charge you for each one.

[westgrandboulevard]

My cat is large, and goes for the throat.

Greasy Grady could suddenly find himself on safari, without a trusty guide.....

[arr&bee]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa...west my good fellow,your[large cat]would stand about as much chance as a snowball in the sahara, once the circus passed through da hood and a lion escaped well all we know is greasy started wearing this new fur coat as for the lion........???? Keep the kitty at home.

[Jerry Oz]

One bite of Greasy Grady and your cat will need a prescription for statins. The man has more cholesterol than a bowl of chittlins dipped in egg yolks and deep fried in lard.

[arr&bee]

School em jerry,school em.

[Jerry Oz]

Whoops... Just saw that Greasy Grady might have to file bankruptcy. It appears Littlebits showed up last week for his 'all you can eat buffet' and hasn't left yet.

[arr&bee]

Hey jerry i know that greasy's food can mess you up,but the last time i saw littlebits she was still a girl, but a big one.

[Jerry Oz]

Yeah, she married that cat Bigfoot who used to live out in the country. She nagged him into a quick divorce though after making him shave and renaming him 'Narrow Ass'. Dude almost drank himself into extinction. No wonder most think he's a myth, he's afraid of being seen in public for fear that she'll hit him up for alimony.

[arr&bee]

Oh so that's the dude who sits in the back by the door,with the big hat pulled down,ahhh so that explains the big hairy feet,i just thought it was greasy's cookin.

[Jerry Oz]

That's him. But eating Greasy Grady's food makes you lose your hair, not grow it.

[arr&bee]

Greasy grady don't play,jerry see if you can catch up with[big duufuss]before he leaves to meet west and moe at the airport[they're in hiding]duufuss ain't gonna be happy and neither will grady it's his anniversary and he invited west and moe to the celebration and he's baking one of his infamous[coconut cakes]you know the ones with the moving coconuts...[i didn't have the heart to tell west about the[dancing pigs's feet]that greasy is cooking up just for them[how does he keep those feet on the plate????]oh well i hope they have a good hiding place.

[Jerry Oz]

Are you sure those are pigs' feet? I didn't know that pigs had four toes.

[arr&bee]

Jerry i don't wanna know,legend has it that a customer once insulted the taste of those things and one of em dropkicked him out the front door.

[Jerry Oz]

I remember that. The newspaper asked him if he knew what happened and he told them he was clueless about it. When they asked him to describe it, his response was "it beats me".

[arr&bee]

Yeah, greasy coined the phase...food with a kick.

[arr&bee]

Hey west...where you at i made it back in one peice[i think]...there are a couple of sandwiches here but there moving in circles,i tried to hit em with a stick but they snatched it and took a swing at me.

[arr&bee]

Hey west,word outta da hood is that greasy is on his way over there to see[hm]he heard about[mums]birthday and wants to bake her one of his infamous[coconut]cakes...i also heard that the british secret service-the royale navy-her majesty's special palace guard-the british marines,as well as the-cia-fbi-bbc-pta-wmca-wwe-canadian mounted police-united auto workers-president of the worldwide bakers association and...martha stewart are all gonna be protecting the shores on the lookout...but greasy is crafty,he'll probobly go around the horn of africa and come in through the back door,so warn[hm]and keep a sharp eye on the rear of the palace.

[144man]

they shall not pass.

[arr&bee]

Oh and tell[hm]to keep her shutters closed tight...those coconuts like to peep!!