Just a chime....or??

[144man]

Or:

"If you had read the small print, you would have realised that your health insurance doesn't cover that condition."

[westgrandboulevard]

Accountant and tax adviser, examining paperwork with pursed lips and a concerned frown, then looking at client over top of glasses, perched on end of nose :

"You did say you'd already taken out a prepaid funeral plan, didn't you....?"

[Jerry Oz]

A doctor had just given his patient the harsh prognosis that his condition was terminal.

Patient: 'Oh no, Doc! Well if I'm going to die, I'd at least appreciate it if you'd tell me how much time I have left.'
Doctor: 'Of course, Mr. Johnson. Per your test results, you will die in 20.'
Patient: '20?! 20 WHAT? Weeks? Days? Months?'
Doctor: '19-18-17-16...'

[westgrandboulevard]

First, I laughed.

Then, I thought : it can't be long before a computer will tell a doctor how long a patient does have left, barring accidents, and based on health notes to hand. I expect average life expectancy can be calculated to a certain year, even now, based on certain criteria. We can then take bets on whether we make it 'past our sell-by date'

[Jerry Oz]

I've made life decisions based on the fact that life is too short. I used to consider retiring at age 65 or so and wondered if the universe would laugh at me by having my heart fail on my way to the time clock on my last day. Since tomorrow's not promised, I'm living for today.

BTW: I still haven't regretted my early 'retirement'.

[arr&bee]

Good for you jerry,and while you're being daring,drink up and live until last week.

[Jerry Oz]

Don't you mean 'drink up and forget the next week'?

[westgrandboulevard]

Arr&bee was on a hooch diet last week, and lost three days.

[Jerry Oz]

Yah, but his hooch hound will find those three days as soon as it sleeps off last night's bender.

[westgrandboulevard]

You mean by 'the hair of the hooch hound' - ?

[Jerry Oz]

Let's simply say that the Baskervilles should not have given their dog a bowl of hooch when they ran out of water. He hasn't been the same since... It was only natural that the mutt would seek the mastermind who created that wonderful elixur.

[westgrandboulevard]

A dog from one work of fiction, on the scent of another.

[Jerry Oz]

All while carrying a jar of cocktail olives in a bag taped to his collar.

[westgrandboulevard]

Stoned. As always....

[Jerry Oz]

But happy. He's the happiest dog I know...

[westgrandboulevard]

Just like Arr&bee.

[Jerry Oz]

Well, it is the weekend... We are all happy dogs on Friday night.

[westgrandboulevard]

Unless we are working on Saturday.....

[Jerry Oz]

I forgot that sometimes is the case...

[westgrandboulevard]

And some poor people, on ever-changing shifts [[for example, emergency services), have little sense of anticipation of a day or two off. By the time that arrives, it's gone. I admire them, and don't know how they cope in the long haul....

[arr&bee]

As confusious once said...one grain of rice is not enough,need bowl full.

[westgrandboulevard]

Confucius Kellogg knew a lot about bowls full of rice..

[arr&bee]

Confucius say...man not in suit only have clothes on.

[westgrandboulevard]

Police are still making enquiries about his wear-abouts.

[arr&bee]

Well he wore out his welcome and left.

[westgrandboulevard]

It's becoming harder these days to find people who restore worn out welcomes.

[arr&bee]

Hey west,you in the market for one,well i've worn out my welcome everywhere i've been and have some in the warehouse for only...5,000%above factory invoice.

[westgrandboulevard]

I shall need to view these reconditioned greetings sometime, even if the price seems a tad inhospitable.

[Jerry Oz]

I got tired worrying about my welcomes so I now employ my cousin Matt to take care of them for me.

[westgrandboulevard]

He'll have people stepping all over him to get up close to you.

[Jerry Oz]

That's my guy. I've another cousin who handles my finances. Her name is Helen Waite and she's great. If you think I owe you money, you can go to Helen Waite for it.

Have I used that one already?

[westgrandboulevard]

You have, you have.....and I'm waiting to use it on an unsuspecting friend in a personal conversation, some time soon

I was hoping to mention my lady assistant, who handles welcomes on my behalf, and goes by the name of Greta. Over here, that is pronounced Greeta, so she's a natural - but I feel y'all over there may pronounce it Gretta......so Quality Control @ WestGrandBoulevard Inc had to reject it.

[Jerry Oz]

Yeah, we are just a bunch of rebels over here... Rebels who are nearly as ga-ga about the royal family as the most die hard of your countrymen, curiously enough.

[westgrandboulevard]

You might be surprised to know that most in Team GB aren't actually as 'ga-ga' about the Royal Family as you might think, and some here are distinctly anti.

Most of us would not wish to be without some Royal representation, but just get on with our daily lives, while the Royal family get on with theirs. Although they are very wealthy, they cost the taxpayer very little per head of population. Whenever there is a big event, there is a spike in attention, and sometimes a heightened sense of pride, depending on the circumstances. Everyone loves a public celebration. The death of Diana, Princess of Wales, in contrast, deeply saddened and shocked everyone, even those who were not big fans of her.

Many of us have lived with the thought that the Royal family do seem to be of great interest to many overseas and, it has long seemed, especially in the States. We can't always understand why, and wonder if that has changed with the years. The whole structure here must surely appear to many there as a complete anachronism in the 21st century.

[Jerry Oz]

I think you explained that to me in a previous post, which is why I was careful to type the most die hard in the post. I am confused by the buzz they generate over here, though. It borders on the bizarre.

[westgrandboulevard]

That's just how it appears to many of us here. For example, I have no keen interest in the Royal families of other countries such as The Netherlands, or Spain.

The only thing I can immediately think which may attract our Royals to any of the US citizens is that they represent continuity and tradition - which is in direct contrast to the stereotypical British view of the US people, which is of an ever-changing, restless and innovative lifestyle. Keeping it in the most general of terms - the British appear to be reserved and both celebrate and revere 'old', while the Americans are open and hospitable, and appear to look for what is 'new'.

If that is true, there are many good things to say for both nations.

[144man]

When I visited Hawaii, they made a big thing of having had an indigenous royal family there.

[westgrandboulevard]

I expect every one there feels they are a distant relative....

[Jerry Oz]

We're all more than kin, but less than kind. You can quote me on that with attribution, by the way.

[westgrandboulevard]

I believe I'm being quoted by the Barred......

[arr&bee]

Did someone say[bar]i'm all for it.

[westgrandboulevard]

Of course! You tend to bars, the way I tend towards sobriety.

[arr&bee]

Hey west i was in that club but they asked too much,i had to actually be sober,why i haven't been sober since i was two.

[westgrandboulevard]

You must have been beside yourself, tearing yourself apart like that.

[arr&bee]

Yeah and seeing double.

[Jerry Oz]

Two men were walking down the street when one turned and walked into a bar. Fortunately, the other man ducked...

Ho-ho-ho-h-h-h-haaa! [[It's a joke; get it?)

[arr&bee]

Jerry as your lawyer let me warn you not to tell those in court.

[Jerry Oz]

I don't know... I figured that at my sentencing hearing, I'd lighten everything up with a few classics like that one. After the judge wipes the tears from his eyes, he'll see that I'm not such a bad guy and let me off with time served and recompense for the time I missed from work as an improv comic.

[arr&bee]

Umm jerry the judge in this case is ol[hardass lardass]a man they say born without a sense of humor,i tangled with him way back and the only reason i'm not doing hard time is that my psychiatrist hid my stash...this guy hands out time like it was candy.

[westgrandboulevard]

He has all the time in the world to do that.