Just a chime....or??

[westgrandboulevard]

If you know what makes people tick, you'll then feel in good company whenever you are in agreement with them.

Whenever you don't agree with them, at least you'll recognise where they are going, and what may be their plan. That way, they can't surprise you.

And if they can't surprise you, they won't be able to disappoint you......

[Jerry Oz]

One of the first lessons of management that I learned was not in any text book or class. It follows: Lower your expectations of everyone, even the best workers and [[normally) easiest personalities so that you expect them to let you down. It could be a personal attack or suddenly deciding that they aren't going to do their best work that day. It could be snickering and gossip that brings the workgroup to a stop. It can be anything that would make you ask yourself "what just happened?" and "who did it?" When you realize that we all are motivated by our own agendas [[which probably are not shared or easily understood), then you can have it out with that person and resolve the issue without taking it personally. Even if you get loud or have to reassess your view of the individual, you can still come back the next day, look him/her in the eye, learn from the previous day, and move on.

And that is the key to handling disappointment.

[westgrandboulevard]

Hmmm. Not so sure about that. It sounds like a contradiction

How can an emotion as strong as disappointment come into the equation, if expectations of everyone have been lowered from the start - ?

[144man]

My disappointment came from the fact that management let me down more often than my staff did.

[westgrandboulevard]

I work for myself, and am continually disappointed with the performance of colleagues and management

[144man]

I also hated how small things like whether a window should be open or closed can escalate into major disruptions because staff members would act like children.

[westgrandboulevard]

That's because they think like children....and they want the money, but would really rather be anywhere else but there....

[144man]

Well, I didn't exactly go to work for the love of it...

[Jerry Oz]

It's all amazing. Tell your hourly employees that we have an abundance of work and we'll need to work overtime to do all of it and the response is they spend an hour each huddled in some far corner of the building complaining about it. The end result is several more days of overtime based on the fact that we didn't do as much on the ten hour day as we would have done on an eight hour day. It's all management's fault because they didn't plan better.

They're partially right except for the "all" part of the statement. Of course, good management means that overtime is the first indicator that they are doing a poor job of managing. If only those lazy employees knew when to kick it into high gear, we wouldn't have to work them like the Hebrew children in Egypt. Right?

[westgrandboulevard]

Your way of thinking is that of a self-motivated person. With that comes stress, but the buck starts and stops with you, for good as well as bad.

Their way of thinking is just filling in time until the end of the shift. They will fill in their whole working life from holiday to holiday, until retirement. As a result of their mind set, the health of many will have declined in their working life [[due to the contents of their food trolley, as viewed in any mid or lower level supermarket, any day of the week) - and, within a year or two of official retirement, many will die.

[Jerry Oz]

Or as I've heard it said: "Anybody who wants to see the dead come to life should be at my worksite at quitting time." I'm amazed at how some managers literally look at workers like sheep, with no consideration of how their decisions affect the rank and file significantly. Lay-offs. Benefits erosion. Overtime. It's not your family, so screw 'em, right?

Conversely, I'm amazed that workers don't realize that the survival of their worksite depends upon their efforts individually. What's the collective if not a set of individuals? When I read about business closing, I often wonder what some of the piddling concerns from the day before weren't really so big a deal. Manager yelled at you for coming back from break five minutes late? Big deal, right? Didn't want to transfer to shipping department for an hour? They have a lot of nerve. Being denied a half-day of vacation? They just don't like me. Well, now you're all out of a job, so it should have been taken more seriously before it was too late.

The levels of distrust for others in some workplaces is amazing. Similarly, the denial of culpability of self is incredible. We're all the victims. And we're all the bad guys. But it's cool because "they" made me do it.

[westgrandboulevard]

Ah yes, the all mighty 'they'. Unseen, but ever-present.

I heartily wish at times that I could lay any blame on 'they' and 'them' so easily as others do.....but I'm also just as glad I don't.

[Jerry Oz]

It's much easier to blame your current situation on others than on your own poor decisions...

Little boy, in the forest for a family hike, as he turns to his father in tears: "Daddy, why did the snake bite me?"
Father, answering his son without putting down his binoculars: "Because it's a snake, son."

[westgrandboulevard]

Ha! Yes, it's the right answer.

Just not quite the complete one.....

[Jerry Oz]

We learn so much from our fathers when we listen. We learn a whole lot more when we watch...

[westgrandboulevard]

And there's a whole lot more to be learned from parents....but only when they've gone....

[Jerry Oz]

I will amend what you said. I think that it's not when they're gone that I learned, but when they didn't know that I was paying attention to them.

[westgrandboulevard]

Sure, as I was always rather more of an observer, myself.....but I thought your parents were still alive?

[Jerry Oz]

Yeah, but I've pretty much learned what I'm going to from them. I love them very much but my impressionable period was over 20-25 years ago. Now, I put focus on not teaching them anything about myself that I don't want them to know...

[westgrandboulevard]

You could well be pleasantly surprised later. It seems that certain things can only be learned from people after they have gone. Then, there is time to do it, in our own way, and at our own speed. And, in my own experience anyway, it's all good.

Just as well really, as there's also the feeling of "OK, now where do I go from here....?" LOL

[Jerry Oz]

I really do not want to miss them. In my mind, I'm still their young child when I'm in their presence and it's such a welcome feeling.

[westgrandboulevard]

What's in your mind [[and in my own memories, too) is not the reality that everyone else sees......

[Jerry Oz]

Perception is reality. So I don't perceive it from others' eyes and that's okay. There is an actual truth to every situation and I assure you, it does not match what any of us sees. It's ugly. It's cold. And it's as unbiased as it is unwelcome.

That's how we justify some of the things that we do, with the knowledge that we want to believe the truth is on our side.

[westgrandboulevard]

Ah, then there may indeed be a difference between our overall perception, but there's nothing surprising in that, as everyone's circumstances are unique.

And, of course, any individual's perception can shift on even just one set of circumstances, over time.

I'm a little confused here on the 'ugly' and the 'cold' - does that relate to 'the actual truth', as you know it - or is it how you would generally view the perception of others to be....?

[Jerry Oz]

That's my perception of the actual truth. Neither I nor anyone will ever be privy to knowing it. I don't think our minds would comprehend it because we're naturally inclined toward bias. It's kind of related to my opinion of "right" and "wrong". Since the victors write history, who is to say that the losers of any war in history were wrong to fight it? Have you never watched a battlefield scene in a movie and wonder about the backstory of the extra who jumped up from a bunker and was killed by the "good guy"? We cheer because our hero killed the villain, but chances are that the decedent didn't wake up thinking that he would be a bad guy that day.

Because he wore a German uniform, it doesn't mean that he was bad or evil. Probably just a conscript who had no choice but to serve. He had a family who would receive a sad letter in the mail telling them that he served valiantly but will not be coming home. The same goes for the "Indians" in westerns, the "savages" in the Tarzan films, the thousands of storm troopers that Luke Skywalker blew to hell on the Death Star.

Would it shock you to know that the Islamic fundamentalists who are hellbent on the destruction of western culture believe themselves to be patriotic to their cause? They want their kids to have a better life, but in their understanding of what "better" is. I think they're nutbags, but they think the same about me. So, who is right? That's the cold and ugly truth as I believe it to be.

Truth?! We couldn't handle the truth.

[westgrandboulevard]

Yes, I accept your way of thinking there - even if it does seem just a tad overwrought

I would add that the truth in my own life is far from cold and ugly, although there is, of course, an ever-present threat to that happiness. If there were little happiness, I would know I needed to make some changes.

Being happy with myself and my own circumstances is all the truth I need. Then, I can consider how someone may differ from me.

If I were unhappy, I may become inclined to go around telling anyone who would listen where I thought they were going wrong in their life- despite being absolutely unqualified to do so... LOL

[Jerry Oz]

Deep thinking, here... The sad truth to everybody's life is the fact that we're all the bad guy to somebody, whether we want to be or not. If you complain to a lackadaisical cashier about receiving too little change, your one interaction with that person in your lives may make you villainous in her eyes. You're the customer complaining over a small amount of money and she wished you'd let it go.

The funny thing is, she doesn't know whether you're trying to keep her out of trouble for having an improperly balanced cash till. So, by helping her keep out of trouble, you catch her indignation. Of course, she shares this with other cashiers and every time you show up, they treat you coldly because you tried to make certain a cashier was aware of a mistake that she made. As I stated, we don't know the truth because we are naturally inclined toward a biased perspective.

[westgrandboulevard]

OK, you say we're all the bad guy to somebody. If what you say is actually correct, then it could be argued that's not a truth, it's a fact.

Some people may not see me as a bad guy to anybody at all, so what you say doesn't make it a truth.

Complaining to a lackadaisical cashier would be a fact. 'May make you villainous' would be a truth, but only to some. 'Helping her correct a mistake' would also be a truth, to some, - including the cashier.

I'd say we are talking about cognition here.....

[Jerry Oz]

Yah, I s'pose we are... It's all in the eye of the beholder. What I meant to suggest is that we make our own "truths" and that nothing that we recognize as such can be true. I was actually using the example as a hypothetical illustration of how even a well-intentioned person's intentions can be misunderstood. We'll never see all facts of a situation, so we'll never know that our perceptions are correct.

Umm... You don't make a habit of yelling at cashiers, do you? Don't want to step on any toes...

[westgrandboulevard]

No, but if I feel a complaint is justified, very often I'll register it....

[Jerry Oz]

"Hmmm...", thinks Ozzie the Cashier. "In truth, this fellow is a bully." Okay, just kidding...

I'm going to write a screenplay about Emperor Ming of Mongo. In my script, he will be a misunderstood leader who cannot understand why some of the tribes of Mongo are harboring a known terrorist like Flash Gordon. From his perspective, Flash was no hero; he was an obstacle to peace and unity. But the "Flash Gordon" comics were told from Flash's perspective, so it's Ming who is the troublemaker.

[westgrandboulevard]

[[Lost in thought...)

Perhaps I should say that I also praise people where possible.

I could tell you a lot of the supermarket staff's first names, without looking at their badges.

I got a Christmas card from Yvonne & Caroline on the deli counter....

[Jerry Oz]

When I suggested "you", I didn't mean you... I used you in my example because you strike me as one of the most considerate people that I've met, so if someone could misunderstand you, then that was my example of truth being subjective.

You probably wouldn't know a lot of American cashiers' names because eye contact, smiles, and being happy for your patronage are a thing of the distant past. You can get a "did you find everything?" from them, but "thank you, please come again" must be Greek to them. It's sad that I thank them for my change but they don't thank me for their job.

[westgrandboulevard]

Over here, we spend half of our time having people bump into us, and then we say "sorry!" to them....

[Jerry Oz]

Which one is sorry? Or does it depend upon who is bumped and who is bumping? I can actually imagine thanking the right person for bumping into me...

[westgrandboulevard]

Sometimes it can be fun - unless it's a "crash for cash" motorist.

[Jerry Oz]

They do that crap over here, too. All fun and games until the idiot manages to die in the accident.

[westgrandboulevard]

As long as it's not the innocent driver in front - unless your 'crash for cash' is conducted differently.....

[Jerry Oz]

It is. Here, someone switches into the lane beside them on a highway and jumps on his brakes, forcing the car behind him to crash into his. The car behind is cited for failure to maintain a safe and assured distance, so the ticket goes to that one. And once the ticket is issued, a lawyer is soon called to file a lawsuit for the pain and suffering of the nimwit who intentionally caused the accident. I don't know what's so hard about just getting a job like the rest of us to earn money...

[westgrandboulevard]

No difference. Just the same here, except I wasn't thinking straight. The innocent driver is indeed the one behind.

Over here, it often takes place on the slip roads on roundabouts. And roundabouts themselves are much more common over here than there, I believe......

[Jerry Oz]

They are. Some cities have a similar concept wherein the car makes a right turn to turn around or position itself to turn left. I like being able to get into the left lane and turn, but I suppose there is a reason for such a thing.

[westgrandboulevard]

We drive on the left, and the general rule [[with some exceptions) is to give way to traffic approaching from the right- for example, on a roundabout.

Some say that roundabouts are more effective than traffic lights. The lights do seem effective in keeping the traffic in small batches by changing in quick succession, which maintains a steady traffic flow, especially when joining major roads, or leaving shopping centres

[Jerry Oz]

So over there, left is right while right is wrong. Do you see any American-designed cars with the steering wheels on the left side?

[westgrandboulevard]

We can drive on the right on dual carriageways or motorways, of course.....

I drive a manual car [[VW Touran). I'm left-handed, so I'm using my 'strong' hand on the gearstick, to my left. Moving it with that hand is probably a slight advantage.

Over there, right-handers [[most people) also have that advantage, as the gear-stick is to your right, and used with your right hand.

I'm unsure if I have seen any US models with the steering wheel in the original setting. I feel I may have done, but it would be decades ago.

When I was younger, there was an obvious visual difference between our models and yours. During my lifetime, we have become increasingly influenced by Eurpoean models, either manufactured for the UK market, or driven by Europeans with lefthand driving, where applicable, and carrying relevant badges.

It's rare to see an American car out on UK roads [[apart from stretch limos used here in town at night, for partygoers), and maybe some 'classic cars' going back and forth to shows. I'm unsure if there is a legal requirement to change the steering wheel from left to right, or whether it is optional.

From Easter until the end of summer Bank Holiday in August, we have a 'classic cars on the prom' show each Sunday, where collectors bring along their cars and talk to people walking by, and other interested parties. It's very popular. Apart from when I was a boy,I've not been especially interested in cars, seeing them simply as a method of transport - but it's quite interesting studying all the different models - some of them old-style US gas guzzlers.

[Jerry Oz]

That's cool. I have a 23-year old Honda CRX that still gets nearly 40 MPG. It broke down a couple of weeks ago, so I'm driving my SUV right now. It gets about 14 MPG, so you can gauge.com happiness about that...

[westgrandboulevard]

Your Honda : nearly 40 mpg is very good but, if it's 23 years old, it doesn't seem to owe you anything. What is likely to finish it off first - the mileage on the clock, or deterioration in bodywork?

That SUV does sound like a gas guzzler! Is that used for more local trips?

[144man]

Driving in London can be a nightmare. Public transport is good, and I have a Free Travel Pass. I gave up driving some time ago, and I don't miss it one bit.

[Jerry Oz]

The Honda is still in good shape. I regularly receive unsolicited offers for it, sometimes while driving on the highway [[that happened twice in the last year, which is creepy). I will probably put it on eBay in the next year or so. And I had to stop driving the SUV when he's prices shot up in 2008. It rides really nice, but it's not worth the grass that it burns. I will probably go to auction to get another vehicle this year.

[westgrandboulevard]

Our Touran was advertised on eBay in 2008 by a local garage, and was then bought directly from them. It's 11 years old now, and has done just over 140,000...so should last a bit, yet.
But there will soon come a time when it is worth more to us than anything else - and it depends on how much work is needed as each year passes. A car is convenient, but never cheap...

For a long time, we had a Nissan Sunny. A light, economical drive-around. It was just under 20 years old when we had it scrapped, and had travelled 262,995 miles....

[Jerry Oz]

The Honda is sitting on 120,000 miles and the SUV has 68,000. It had 43,000 when we purchased it in 2006, so that tells you how much we've driven it in the last eight years.