Just a chime....or??

[Jerry Oz]

He just hasn't met the guy with the right jokes. And I've got tons of 'em.

[144man]

I'll see you on visiting days.

[Jerry Oz]

We will see... If so I'll be a cut-up telling my jokes to a bunch of cutthroats.

[arr&bee]

I'M LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT,I GOT IT WE'LL TELL LARDASS THAT YOUR PSYCHIATRIST[the one i'm smuggling in]SAYS THAT JOKES ARE PART OF YOUR TREATMENT PLAN,AND KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED.

[144man]

He'll get you for contempt of court.

[arr&bee]

He can't get jerry on that old trick,he's always had contempt for the court..i'll get a writ of contemptabus silabus and we'll be home free.

[westgrandboulevard]

Wouldn't a stick of dynamite be more effective?

[Jerry Oz]

Don't worry guys. I'll charm his pants off of him. Let's just hope he's not a blonde or married to a farmer's daughter.

[arr&bee]

Whao big boy,i don't have enough writs to practice that kind of law.

[Jerry Oz]

I bowled with a lawyer once. He bowled three straight perfect games. When I asked how he did it, he explained that it's all in the writs.

[arr&bee]

REMEMBER JERRY,THE WRITS NEVER LIE...[of course if you read the fine print therein lies the lies]BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME.

[Jerry Oz]

And lawyers never lie, either. Well, unless their lips are moving...

[arr&bee]

I'll have to get a writ on that.

[Jerry Oz]

Not a problem. I'll get my brother on it. A word of warning, though: He's got a bit of a dry writ.

[arr&bee]

I know your brother,he was with that law firm..writ don't sit.

[Jerry Oz]

That's him. But he started out working for O'Shitt, Welosttit, and Noweowe. They didn't win a lot of cases, though.

[westgrandboulevard]

Didn't win a lot in the casinos either, I suspect.

[Jerry Oz]

They were relatively successful. They only lost the last hand of the night, going home broke after coming that close ​ to bring rich every single time.

[westgrandboulevard]

Can well understand. I'll bet that's happened to so many of us.

[Jerry Oz]

It's not like most things. You can win 90% of your hands [[9 of 10) and go home busted because of the one you lost if it's the last one. Just enough objective proof that you're 'successful' in spite of your total lack of success.

[westgrandboulevard]

It's a thread, a logical sequence. If indeed there are any consistently lucky gamblers, they must know almost exactly when to leave, to remain successful. Otherwise, the sequence just rolls, and rolls away in their disfavour.

'Logical sequence' reminds me of when looking for a missing personal item. You know you 'have it here, somewhere', so go hunting through drawers, cabinets, files, whatever.

When it comes to light, it is invariably described as being found 'in the last place I looked'. Well, of course it was....

[144man]

...because once you find it you stop looking. Amazing how people can't just say it was in the last place they expected

[westgrandboulevard]

Exactly. But then, if they were more exact, it wouldn't be misplaced in the first, or even the last place, would it....

[Jerry Oz]

Why do we look in places that we know it can't be? For example: Looking for your house keys in the garage when you know you had to have them to get in the house. Our in a cluttered drawer that I don't use for keys. I can't remember where they are, but I feel sooooo dumb looking for something where I know they aren't. Ostensibly to cover my bases, I guess but it's a waste of time and effort.

I'll bet I'm the only one who does that, though...

[westgrandboulevard]

Distraction, something out of the ordinary, can cause me to misplace something. Something said or done which then causes me to lose focus, and put keys or paperwork, or just about anything, down just where and when the distraction is taking place. I then have to retrace my steps and activities in my mind. It happened to me this afternoon. I cannot find a business order, simply to place in the 'ordered' section of the file - and I cannot think what I have done with that particular paperwork, which is mainly printout of emails, so it's not a disaster. But still it niggles....

It niggles with me because it's my own fault. Yes, I can also resort to seeking something in places even when I know full well it won't be there. It's a combination of impatience and irritation with the loss, plus haste in wishing to find the missing item. In other words, to get it sorted. 'Ostensible' is a very apt word, in that situation. [[I bet Arr&bee will Google that one )

[Jerry Oz]

Consider my last job when I sometimes had to look for lost keys or paperwork in a 472K square foot warehouse [[and sometimes outside, as well). So frustrating to look high and low several times only to find out it was left on a copier that I didn't normally use our on the desk of a colleague whose phone I borrowed to answer a page.

[westgrandboulevard]

The alternative is to watch oneself like a hawk, and record [[mentally and/or by making physical notes) your progress through the day.

Downside : every one else then quickly learns to ask if you have remembered this or that [[as they have forgotten), while the same 'every one else' harbours unspoken [[until your back is turned) suspicions of OCD in your behaviour....

[arr&bee]

They once hired a hawk to watch me,haaaaaaaaaa i drove that bird to drink.

[Jerry Oz]

You drive him to drink? Please tell me you didn't drink as well before driving home... Stevie said don't drive drunk, you know.

[westgrandboulevard]

I wouldn't want to be driven by Stevie, even if sober.

[Jerry Oz]

I would almost swear that I've driven behind him in traffic a few times...

[westgrandboulevard]

They are certainly out there, aren't they. The worst ones are some of those coming from the opposite direction.

I try to drive well, but have often wondered what it must be like for others to drive behind me...

[Jerry Oz]

Let me know when you're driving and I'll text you with the answer to that question.

[westgrandboulevard]

Ha! I often see signs on the backs of lorries - 'How am I driving?', and a free phone number - and think " As if anyone would answer, listen or even care about my little old message"

[Jerry Oz]

Consider how many have likely crashed while trying to jot down the phone numbers while negotiating traffic behind a bad driver with one of those bumper stickers on his truck.

[arr&bee]

Hey west i tried to drive one of those english cars with the steering wheel on the wrong side,but i kept going down one way streets.

[Jerry Oz]

Me too. I tried to flip off the guy behind me but kept using the wrong hand.

[arr&bee]

I went up a hill backwards,those cars are a trip...backwards.

[westgrandboulevard]

Our winding country roads are based on old cattle tracks. With SatNav, you always end up in a farmyard.

[Jerry Oz]

You can really moove on those cattle tracks.

[westgrandboulevard]

Only if you remember to sound your horn.

[Jerry Oz]

And as long as you don't milk the situation...

[westgrandboulevard]

One should be udderly discreet, always.

[Jerry Oz]

And don't get too low about it...

[westgrandboulevard]

This is becoming cheesy

[arr&bee]

Do english cow moo in the kings english?

[westgrandboulevard]

"Good Moooooning!" is the correct version, but the accents vary between the counties....

[Jerry Oz]

Especially when it comes to that darned Cowckney Accent...

[arr&bee]

Now when i milk em,is it from the left side or the right?

[Jerry Oz]

It depends. I think you milk American cows from the right and English cows from the left. Unless you milk them in San Francisco, where many have been swinging both ways for decades.