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Thread: Late talk....!

  1. #1

    Late talk....!

    HI GANG,IF ANYONE IS DESPERATE-OPPS-ERR-AHEM-HEHE..DEPENDABLE ENOUGH TO READ THIS THEN LET ME SAY THAT THIS IS THE FIRST EPISODE OF MY NEWEST VENTURE,THAT'S RIGHT A LATE NIGHT TALK THINGY...NOW MY FIRST GUEST IS THAT OH SO BORING EVER PRESENT WANNA BE ME OTHERWISE KNOWN AS[VOICE]...WELCOME VOICE,WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO SINCE WE LAST TALKED?...Jai,we talk all the time since I am with you at all times...OH IS THAT SO? I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AWHILE...Jai will you please stop this nonsense and take your meds that the doctors prescribed for you?..HAAAAAA,OH THAT VOICE IS A HOOT ISN'T HE I HEARD THAT YOU WERE DOING COMEDY NOW,IS THIS ONE OF YOUR ROUTINES?...Oh my you're still as delusional as ever and what is this so-called late night nonsense about,most folks are asleep this time of night and you should be too...I HAVE TO SAY VOICE YOU ARE PRETTY GOOD,AND THE WAY YOU INCORPORATE OTHERS INTO YOUR ACT NOW THAT'S A TALENT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD...Get a grip will you please the only act here is you and your fantasies...VOICE IN ALL THE YEARS I'VE KNOWN YOU I NEVER KNEW THAT YOU HAD A FLAIR FOR COMEDY,HOW LONG HAVE WE KNOWN EACH OTHER,I'M SURE OUR LISTENERS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW...What listeners? you poor deluted man it's all in your sad little mind,you must stop drinking that terrible hooch concoction and take your meds...WHY THANK YOU VOICE,THAT REMINDS ME THAT IT'S TIME FOR A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR,THE ALWAYS DEPENDABLE[ELIXUR]..WELL THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TONIGHT BUT WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW WHEN OUR GUEST WILL BE THE WORLD FAMOUS CHEF[GREASY GRADY],THANK YOU VOICE FOR JOINING US ON[LATE TALK]...Jai, there's no one here but you,GOOD ONE ,I'LL SPLIT A CAB WITH YOU IF YOU'RE GOING MY WAY...Your way,you live upstairs remember?...I GUESS YOU DON'T WANNA PAY FOR A CAB THEN?..Agggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    Reminds me of something I once saw... Now what was it? Oh, yeah. This:

  3. #3
    My dyslexic cousin Biff told me he was friends with Berry Gordy, so I asked him if he get me an autograph. He said that he could do that and would get one to me if I could get Stevie Wonder to unblock him on FaceBook. A friend of a friend knew Stevie and said that he could talk to him if I found an original copy of Action Comics #1 (introduction for Superman) for him.

    Well, as it occurs, I have a frat brother who works for a book dealer, so I asked him if he could find it. He said that he could get a copy if I could find the phone number of his childhood sweetheart, who was on her honeymoon, so that he could convince her to give their relationship one more try. I had to track her and her husband down on safari in Kenya and she told me that married life had grown boring and she would give me the number if I could help her get out of her marriage. I didn't have a lot of time before I had to fly back to the States, so I paid a safari scout $37.48 and a half-eaten Snicker bar to push her husband over a cliff and into a lion's den. No body, no questions and she didn't seem to care how I got rid of him, so why not?


    Long story short: I got her phone number for my frat buddy which got me the comic book and that led Stevie to accept Biff's friend request on his FaceBook page. Biff told me everything was straight and that I would receive the autograph within 5-7 business days. I was so excited to get it that I didn't sleep for two weeks until it arrived. Finally, it showed up and I was so amped up, I snatched it out of the postman's hand and ripped it open on the spot where I read it: "To my biggest fan Jerry Oz. A stubborn kind of fellow!! Gerry Bordy. XOXOXO"

  4. #4
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...the both of you are a stone cold trip. hahahahahahaha

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by jerry oz View Post
    reminds me of something i once saw... Now what was it? Oh, yeah. This:
    hey jerry that poor girl has problems poor little thing,i'm glad i don't know anyone like that...poor little thing!!

  6. #6
    I'm glad neither of you knows anybody in a situation like that as well. By the way, I hope you're both okay.

  7. #7
    I'm cool as always,how bout ol[voice]wasn't he a cool guest,and the way he acted like he an i were old chums,i tell you jerry[voice]is on his way.

  8. #8
    (Jerry's late night DJ voice) "And welcome back to "Ozzie All Night", your one stop shop for all that pops and you may as well stop turning that dial. You're sitting on the top of another crop of hits that'll make even the cops hop to the music. This next one is going out to one of my favorite listeners and his... friend who are faithful followers of the show. Enjoy."

  9. #9
    HEY JERRY THAT'S VERY COOL,IF THE NETWORK WOULD ALLOW FUNDS I WOULD HAVE A THEME SONG TOO,BUT IT AIN'T IN THE BUDGET[they're so cheap]...AS YOU KNOW I'M HAVING GRADY ON NEXT AND THE THE NETWORK IS SO AFRAID OF HIS COOKING THAT HE'S NOT TO BRING ANYTHING WITH HIM AND THERE ARE FOOD SNIFFING BUZZARDS STATIONED OUTSIDE THE STUDIOS...THE NETWORK WANTED DOGS BUT NO DOG IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD SNIFF ANYTHING COOKED BY GRADY,AND THE SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY,THE DOG WALKERS LEAGUE OF JUSTICE,THE D.E.A.,THE F.B.I.- THE C.I.A.-THE PTA-AND THE AMALCUMATED SECRET SOCIETY OF CANINES ALL THREATENED TO PICKET THE STATION IF ANY DOGS WERE USED,SO GRADY IS USING HIS SPECIAL SQUAD OF BUZZARDS[they're on his payroll]OF COURSE THIS IS GOOD PUBLICITY FOR THE SHOW,SO TUNE IN!!

  10. #10
    Sure, why not? I'll bootleg a feed from somewhere. Was that on channel Zero?

  11. #11
    WELL NOT QUITE ZERO,BUT IF YOU ADJUST YOUR DIAL AS LOW AS IT WILL GO AND IF YOU SET YOUR RADIO ON THE VERY TOP OF YOUR ROOF RIGHT ON THE EDGE THEN YOU MAY PICK US UP, I UM-ERR-AHEM-HEHE I KINDA SORTA HAD A TEENY WEENY ITTY BITTY LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THE FCC...[who knew that you actually had to have their permission to broadcast]I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THOSE SMALL DETAILS SO I'LL GO DOWN THERE MONDAY AND GET MY OFFICIAL[ZERO]BUT IN THE MEANTIME YOU JUST KEEP THAT RADIO SET UP ON THE ROOF AND AS LONG AS THE WIND DON'T BLOW-THE SUN DON'T SHINE-IT DON'T RAIN-THE STARS DON'T COME OUT..THEN YOU CAN HEAR THE BEST SHOW ON THE RADIO TONIGHT!!

  12. #12
    WELL IT'S THAT TIME OF NIGHT AGAIN,THAT'S RIGHT IT'S LATE NIGHT TALK AND I'M YOUR HOST,ARR&BEE AND OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS WORLD RENOUNCED,THIS MAN IS SHUNNED IN ALL 48 STATES AND ALASKA BUT HE KEEPS ON COOKIN AND SHOWS NO SIGNS OF LETTING UP EITHER, I'M HERE WITH MR.GRAYTANTHONIE ANFORNICUSS BACKSLIDER-AKA GREASY GRADY,WELCOME TO THE SHOW GRADY-[WHAT IT IS WHAT IT IS MY BROTHU?]WELL WHAT IS IT THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR FOODS[WELL YA KNOW LIL BIT O THIS AN MORE O THAT MOSTLY ANYTHING THAT AIN'T TIED DOWN AND MAYBE SOMES THAT IS]OK HOW DID YOU GET STARTED AS A CHEF?[WELL YOU KNOW BRO I LIKES TA GET MY COOK ON AND I'LL COOK ANYTHING THAT MOVES CAUSE GREASE AND HEAT HEY IT'S ALL GOOD YA DIG?]BUT HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN HOW THINGS ON YOUR PLATES SOMETIMES MOVE?[WELL YA SEE I AIN'T ONE O THEM DUDES THAT BELIEVES IN KILLIN THANGS YA DIG,SO I MIGHT JUST THROW IT IN THERE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NOW SOMETIMES THE THING MAY CRAWL OUT AND MAYBE NOT,AND IF NOT THEN HEY I POUR SOME SALT ON IT AND MAYBE SOME HOT SAUCE FOR FLAVOR YA DIG AND BANG THERE IT IS ANOTHER CULINARY DELIGHT]YOU'VE HAD RUN INS WITH EVERY HEALTH AGENCY IN THE KNOW WORLD BECAUSE FOLKS HAVE GOTTEN SICK FROM YOUR FOODS,HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?[THAT'S CAUSE THEM FOLKS GOT WEAK STOMACHS AND GET ALL JUMPY WHEN SOMETHING MOVES ON THE PLATE,I'M JUS KEEPIN IT REAL WIT MY COOKIN YA DIG? AND THEY BEEN TRYIN TO SHUT ME DOWN FOR YEARS BUT THE PEOPLES IN DA HOOD LOVE ME]LEGEND HAS IT THAT THINGS HAVE DIED IN THE ALLEY BEHIND YOUR EATERY AND THEN APPEARED ON THE MENU WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?[HEY IT'S WAS ALREADY DEAD SO WE CLEAN IT UP SKIN IT SOMETIMES AND IT BECOMES A MEAL,WASTE NOT WANT NOT IS OUR MOTTO DOWN AT GREASY'S]YES AND MOST PREFER TO-EAT NOT AT YOUR PLACE-[LOOK BRO ,WE HAND OUT BARF BAGS TO ANY CUSTOMERS THAT TURN BLUE WHILE IN MY PLACE]WELL TELL ME GRADY,DO YOU TASTE THE FOOD PREPARED OR DO YOU HAVE FOOD TASTERS?-[WELL IT'S LIKE THIS BRO,IF YOU HAVE LUNCH AND MAKE IT TO WORK THE NEXT DAY IT'S ALL GOOD YA DIG?] WELL GRADY WE'RE OUT OF TIME BUT I'VE HAD A BALL RAPPING WITH YOU,YOU ARE A CHARACTER FOR SURE-[THANK YA BRO,YOU KNOW WHERE I'M AT SO COME ON DOWN AND SAMPLE MY NEWEST DISHI CALL IT-anythingoesitmayberoachorratwhoknowsdon'tbeweakjus teatanddon'tthinkaboutitandyouwillbejustfineit'sal lgoodindahoodwitgradyindakitchencausewedontthrowaw aynuthinandwekeepitrealyadig]OK GRADY I'M GONNA LET YOU OUT THE BACKDOOR BECAUSE AS YOU KNOW THERE'S A PROTEST GOING ON OUT IN FRONT OF THE STATION -[THEM FOLKS AIN'T GOT NUTHIN BETTER TO DO MAYBE I'LL INVITE EM DOWN TO THE KITCHEN FOR A BITE]UM I DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA GREASY!!!

  13. #13
    TO THE MANY FANS[if any]OF OUR SHOW,DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES WE WILL HAVE TO TAKE A SHORT HIATUS[those FCC folks don't play]BUT WE WILL RETURN IN THIS SAME GREAT TIME SLOT AS SOON AS WE GET SOME MINOR THINGS WORKING,UNTIL THEN THIS IS YOUR HOST SAYING THAT LATE TALK CAN ONLY HAPPEN AFTER THE EARLY TALK IS OVER!

  14. #14
    Most chefs aspire to achieve Michelin-star status. Greasy Grady's restaurant has the distinction of being awarded 5 skull-and-crossbones.

  15. #15
    And more citations for bad food than any eatery in history,which he proudly portrays.

  16. #16
    Jai, shouldn't Voice be interviewing you in greater depth?

    I have spoken to your audience and he can't wait to hear about the History of Hooch. You could tell him about your many brushes with the law while combing the 48 states and Alaska while looking for the ingredients of your mighty elixur. Do you remember the year you had to stop the manufacturing process because as it fermented it became so powerful that no container was strong enough to hold it? Do you remember the year that the Space Agency confiscated it all to use as fuel for the moon landing? Do you remember anything at all for that matter? And how did that elephant get into your shed?

  17. #17
    Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...dang,do you work for the[c.i.a.]even voice doesn't know that stuff...nobody interviews me,ok i tell ya what...i'll do an interview but i pick the questions and here they are....why do folks in da hood love you so much?...have you always been so kind to little old ladies and children?...where do you buy these fabulous clothes?...why do your employees love working for you?...how do you maintain control of da hood?...is it true that the hood citizens committee is honoring you with a fifty foot statue for your many,many contributions?.....those are the only questions allowed!!

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