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  1. #351
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    I can't remember the last time I saw someone smoking a pipe. I wonder if there are electronic versions on sale.....

  2. #352
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    And with that as our cue, I present to you [[just in time for the holidays):

  3. #353
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    Very classy jerry,very classy.

  4. #354
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    I'm glad you like it. I can have it delivered to you in time for the holidays for only 12,000% over invoice [[plus shipping and handling). I also encourage you to purchase delivery insurance to prevent thievery.

  5. #355
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    Ohhhh???jerry i think you're tryin to give me the business...[wink-wink]!!

  6. #356
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    I can't give you the business brother man. But I can SELL it to you. Let me figure the cost...

  7. #357
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    Hey wait just a inflation rising minute...you and moe selling me stuff,[i'd better check the warehouse]didn't i see a big truck pull up last night,i got a mole in my organization.

  8. #358
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    Yes, you do. Kind of. She hates the word 'mole' so I call her a beauty mark. No diff to me as long as she gets the goods.

    And I can tell you get name for only 9000% over invoice.

  9. #359
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    So put THAT in your e-pipe, and not smoke it....

  10. #360
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    Ahhhhhhhh...i gotta change the locks,get guard dogs,install cameras...this is gonna cost me money...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

  11. #361
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    Don't worry about the money. Just tell me where you keep it and I'll take care of it for you. I'm a good guy, you know. If I could keep my friends, they'd tell you.

  12. #362
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    I'm gonna have to lock everything down,these guys are stealing me blind,i had guys on lookout and they looked the other way,can't trust nobody.

  13. #363
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    Who watches the watchmen? Who polices the police? Good questions, always.

  14. #364
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    Arr&bee watches himself, and doesn't always like what he sees.

    Arr&bee knows too much.....

  15. #365
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    Lucky for me i got more warehouses in da hood,and even i don't know where all of em are.

  16. #366
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    Culpable deniability is a great policy.

  17. #367
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    Hey i got a writ on that someplace.

  18. #368
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    If you produce your writ on a typewriter, is it still a writ or is it a typ? [[I always wondered about that...)

  19. #369
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    I'm getting a writ of whoamongus is amoleus.

  20. #370
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    My cousin Smokey was a comedian who became a paralegal. You could tell his work by his dry writ.

  21. #371
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    Your cousin bought that dry wit from me...at only..1,000%above factory invoice.

  22. #372
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    And he bought it with money that he borrowed from me. He changed his phone number when I called to get it back, so let me know if you see him.

  23. #373
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    Well after his career[dried up]he took what wit he had left and moved.

  24. #374
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    Named the new house 'Wits' End'......

  25. #375
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    When he married, his vow was until 'debt do we part'.

  26. #376
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    He started as the fiance, but soon became the financier.

  27. #377
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    In sickness and in wealth... Some young women know to find a sick wealthy man.

  28. #378
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    They often spot him while they are working in a nursing home.

  29. #379
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    Their efforts are helped by the absentee children who stash the old folks away and wait to collect their inheritance soon. Much to their surprise, somebody else has similar designs and is willing to work her plan to fruition.

  30. #380
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    Golddiggers, of course, come in both sexes [[or should that now be 'all sexes'...).

    The loved one they seek [[for that, read 'victim') has yet to be formally diagnosed with dementia, is susceptible to flattery...and, crucially, has no children or family.

    For a golddigger, that's as good as a triple A credit rating.

  31. #381
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    It's okay as long as the old guy/gal dies with a smile on his or her face. Can't ask for much more than that and you can't take it with you anyway...

  32. #382
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    HAAAAAAAAA,THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK...WHEN I GO IT'S ALL GOING WITH ME...[my wife is gonna be pissed]HEHEHEHE.

  33. #383
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    Just don't do like a lot of these *ssholes who try to take their wives with them before they go.

  34. #384
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    Don't worry bout that jerry,my wife is staying put.

  35. #385
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    As long as she knows that YOU know, you don't have to sleep with one eye open.

  36. #386
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    I SLEEP WITH BOTH EYES OPEN...[it's just a teeny tiny side effect of this wonderful elixur]I SEE EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT THE SAME TIME.

  37. #387
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    Changing the world one sip at atime. If only you could bottle it and sell it...

  38. #388
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    You know it.

  39. #389
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    You could brand it as Head Nog and sell it during the holidays.

  40. #390
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    You know i got[hoochberry pie]for xmas,it's going fast.

  41. #391
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    I'm surprised if it didn't blow up somebody's oven when they baked it.

  42. #392
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    Haaaaaaaaaaaa,no jerry it's already cooked in a special over far far far away,it has to be cooked at[10,000degrees]...no regular oven could survive it.

  43. #393
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    Just like no regular box can hold it, no regular knife can cut it, and no regular man can eat it.

  44. #394
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    You can eat it,of course down at the very bottom of the box[see skull and crossbones]is a teeny tiny warning,but nothing to worry about...eat and enjoy.

  45. #395
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    I might just shoot it up a vein to get the full effect. Do you have any blacktar hoochcake?

  46. #396
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    Ran out years ago jerry,do you know what they charge for blacktar today?

  47. #397
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    No, but I'm Googling it right now...

  48. #398
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    Hangin by a slender thread.

  49. #399
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    Puh-leeze don't let me drop! You're everything I've got.

    I remember that song.

  50. #400
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    That makes one of us.

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